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Mirroring this Reality
Think back to the game you would play growing up where you would mirror what someone else was doing. They would raise their right hand and you would raise your left. They would wink and you would wink. Do you remember?
So my point is that when I ask someone to mirror me, to imitate me, you can do a pretty good job. And in our lives, we actually do this a lot with people that we love. We imitate our really good friends. Maybe we make the same jokes they do. Maybe we talk like they do. Our families, or if we’re in a relationship, you start talking like them. We do this with the people that we love.
And our whole section right now in Ephesians is all about imitating God. Not because God walks up to us and says, “Copy me,” right, like it’s some silly exercise. No. Because we love Him, and He’s our Father. And so we want to be like Him. Because we see that the things about Him that are good and beautiful, and we want to do those things too.
So this whole section is about mirroring this reality.
Just to remind us where we are in the book of Ephesians: we finished all of the first half o the book - those first three chapters - and then we started looking at the implications. We did chapter four, and now we’re in this section here, chapter 5 through the end of Ephesians 6:9.
As your Ephesians 5:3-6:9, I want you to think about this idea of “mirroring this reality” around these four points:
* Walking in Light
* Walking in Wisdom
* Imitating Christ
* Submitting to the Lord
We’ve sat with three chapters of this beautiful reality of who God is, Father, Son, and Spirit, what the gospel is, and what God has done in and for us. And now, as we continue looking at the implications of this reality (this reality that is actually real, that is the truest thing in the universe) we’re asking: What does that mean for me? What does that mean for you? What does that mean for today, and tomorrow? Why does it actually matter?
And one of the implications of this reality is that we begin to mirror it. If we see it to be true, and we see it to be good, then we start taking it on as well. We begin to imitate like a child. We watch, and then we do.
This reality is the truest thing in the universe, and so it begins to reshape our minds and our imaginations. We look out at the world and we say, “Oh, they’re doing it that way but I know a different way.” And that is because I belong to a different family. I’m under a different King. I believe in a different reality. Not everything they say is true. And so as we move forward, what we’re going to see is what it looks like when this reality actually starts shaping the way we live.
Walking In the Reality of Light v. 3-14
V. 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light
So Paul starts here by basically saying: you are light in the Lord, so live like it. If you are light, then live like light.
There are some more things in this section that need to be laid aside because they are not in keeping with God’s new family and the culture of that family. It’s kind of like when you start hanging out with a new group of people and you realize that some of your previous habits and behaviors are out place, “Oh we don’t do that here. We don’t do that here.” That’s what Paul is saying. He’s saying, “We don’t do that here”.
V. 3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints;
So in verse 3 he starts another list. He says fornication, “porneia” in Greek, which is a word that applies to any inappropriate sexual activity. Then he says “uncleanness”, which is just dirtiness, anything that feels morally dirty. Then “covetousness”, which is greed and desiring more and more.
And he says these things should not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints. Saints: meaning God’s people who are holy people set apart to God. These things are so not part of who we are that why would we even talk about them? Why would we even give them mental space?
V. 4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
Then he goes on in verse 4 and keeps the list going: neither “filthiness”, which is obscenities, shameful talking, having a dirty mind and dirty talk nor “foolish talking”, which is silly, meaningless talk, nor coarse jesting, jokes that are rude or harsh or dirty.
And then he gives a contrast. Instead of all these things practice thanksgiving. Rather, giving of thanks.
Our minds should be filled with things that are beautiful, right, and good, and thanksgiving to God for them. That’s the contrast. Not this, not this, not this but instead, thanksgiving. And if we’re focused on who God is and what He has done, it should naturally bring about thanksgiving. Like Paul in some of his prayers, you can tell he just starts thinking about God and then he can’t stop himself from thanking Him.
V. 5 For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God
Then in verse 5 he says, “For this you know,” that no fornicator, unclean person, or covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. These people have a different culture. They do not fit in with what God is doing and what God has begun to do and will continue to do.
V. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.
In verse 6 he says, “Let no one deceive you with empty words.” Anyone who says otherwise, who says, “Oh no, no, it’s fine, you can keep doing that, it’s all good”, they are deceiving you. They might be deceived themselves, but they are telling you a lie. These things are not part of the kingdom of God. These things draw the wrath of God.
And the wrath of God is something that some Christians are really scared of, because we know what human wrath looks like. Maybe we’ve had a wrathful parent, or someone who explodes in anger. That is not what Scripture means by the wrath of God.
The wrath of God is this handing over - the releasing of someone to the results of their own actions. We see this really clearly in Romans 1:18–27. Paul says that as people continue to push against God, God says, “Okay. If that’s what you want, I’m going to release you to that.” And it’s not going to be good for you. But God is gracious. He’s not forcing Himself on anyone.
So when Paul talks about the wrath of God here, he’s talking about the effects of those actions without God holding them back - without God protecting us from chaos and darkness and evil. God saying, “If you want to keep walking this direction and rejecting me over and over again, I release you.”
V. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them.
Then in verse 7 he says, “Therefore, do not be partakers with them.” We’ve moved into a new culture. We used to live that way, but no longer. It wouldn’t make sense to keep living that way now that we belong to something new.
V. 8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light
Verse 8 gives this stark contrast: “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.” You didn’t used to be in darkness, rather you were darkness. You weren’t just surrounded by darkness; you were a source of it. And now you are light”.
Not just in the light but the light has so transformed you that you actually are light. We are light people, and so we should live as light people.
There was a recent movie that came out called Elemental. It’s about different elements that are people: fire people, water people, wind people. And the movie shows how you cannot live as a different element than you are. A fire person cannot live in a water pool. It puts them out.
That’s what Paul is saying. You are light. It does not work for you to live as darkness anymore. You are light whether you believe it or not in Christ, and so you bring that light wherever you go.
Paul isn’t making this up either. Jesus calls His followers the light of the world in the Sermon on the Mount. But Jesus also says that He is the light of the world. So there’s this idea that we are light only insofar as we reflect His light.
Jesus is the sun, and we are the moon. We really are light but not independent of our light source.
V. 9 (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth),
Then in verse 9 Paul explains what this light looks like, what it entails. The fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth.
Goodness is benevolence—being kindhearted, helpful, doing good deeds. Righteousness is right-relatedness—doing what is right based on the relationship you’re in. And truth is being a truthful, honest kind of person—with yourself and with others.
V. 10 finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.
In verse 10 he says, “finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.” In Greek this is the idea of testing and approving what is pleasing to God. It’s discernment. We don’t always have a clear statement for every situation, so we test and approve by bringing our plans to the Lord and seeing where there is peace, where there is clarity, where Scripture and wise counsel line up.
V. 11 And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.
Verse 11 says to have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness. We don’t participate anymore. And by living as people of light, we shine light into the world, and that exposes darkness.
This doesn’t mean that every time someone does something wrong, we walk up to them and tell them they’re wrong. Paul didn’t do that. Jesus didn’t do that. Rather, when we live lives full of goodness, righteousness, and truth, it creates a contrast. People notice. Sometimes it even makes them uncomfortable.
V. 12 For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret.
Verse 12 says it’s shameful even to speak of those things. These are not things we revel in or dwell on. We’re supposed to be so filled with light that we don’t want to think about them.
V. 13 But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.
Verse 13 says that light stuff is seen stuff. We don’t retreat into a private spirituality. We live publicly as light in a dark world. And as we see in Jesus’ life, the darkness doesn’t like that—but that’s part of it.
V. 14 Therefore He says:
“Awake, you who sleep,Arise from the dead,And Christ will give you light.”
Then Paul ends in verse 14 with a quote which is maybe an early Christian saying or song: “Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.” It’s addressed to the unbeliever who receives the light of Christ in their life.
I think this whole section invites self-examination. We don’t want to be defensive when we read these things. We want to approach them honestly, with a soft heart. If some of these habits have carried over into our lives, it’s okay to admit that. We’re already in the family.
As we think about discernment, Paul and the apostles did not cover everything we will encounter. What we have to do is saturate our minds in scripture that we can with the Spirit discern what God would please God in this situation.
Jesus was the light, he lived as light, his lightness exposed darkness. We don’t invent the light. We don’t figure out what is good or true or beautiful on our own. We look at Jesus. We sit with Him. And as we sit with Him, we become like Him, so that we might do what He did.
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Walking in the Reality of Wisdom v. 15-21
This section is a continuation of what we’ve just been talking about. Paul is still working with this idea of taking off one way of living and putting on a new way of living. This paragraph both concludes the previous section and launches us into what comes next.
The main point here is this: act wisely by being controlled by the Spirit.
V. 15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,
So verse 15 says, “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise.” Walking is just going about your life. And most literally, this could be translated, “Pay attention to how you walk.” Watch how you live. Don’t be thoughtless. As you go about your life, think about why you’re doing what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.
You arrange your life so that you can live in wisdom.
V. 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Then verse 16 talks about redeeming the time. Literally, buying the time back. The idea is that time has been co-opted by evil, which is to say by the powers, by the spiritual forces Paul has been talking about, and wisdom is buying it back for God’s purposes. Being mindful of your time and how you use it.
V. 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Verse 17 says, “Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” This is about insight. We want to understand God’s purposes in the world. And throughout Ephesians we’ve seen that God’s will is to bless, to partner with humanity, and to make one unified family under Christ.
V. 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit,
Then verse 18 feels a little random at first: “Do not be drunk with wine.” But drunkenness leads to dissipation which is a wild, unruly, thoughtless approach to life. Bad decisions. Poor life choices. Instead, Paul says, be filled with the Spirit.
To be filled with the Spirit is to be controlled by Him and led in His ways. Christian living is life in the Spirit. We want the Spirit to so fill us that He controls us. In the same way that someone who drinks too much wine starts making decisions they wouldn’t normally make, we want to be so filled with the Holy Spirit that we find ourselves doing things we wouldn’t normally do, which is being kinder, forgiving more freely, and realizing, “I don’t even know where that came from.”
Then Paul shows us what being filled with the Spirit looks like in everyday life.
V. 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord,
Verse 19 says it shows up in speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. When we gather, one of the ways the Spirit communicates is through speaking - specifically through encouraging one another, reminding one another of what is true.
It also shows up in singing; singing to God, making melody in your heart to the Lord. Whether we’re singing together or singing privately, we’re declaring truth to one another and to God.
V. 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
And it shows up in giving thanks. When the Spirit is at work in us, it results in thanksgiving - thanking God for what He has done, for His blessings, for His work. Always giving thanks for all things.
V. 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Then verse 21 says, “Submitting to one another in the fear of God.” To submit means to arrange ourselves under. We’re not self-asserting. We’re yielding. We’re listening. We’re letting others speak first. We’re willing to come under someone else and say, “Maybe you have something to say right now.”
What’s interesting is that being filled with the Spirit here is very down to earth. It’s not this flashy, super-spiritual thing where smoke is coming out of your eyes or you’re having wild visions. For Paul, being filled with the Spirit looks ordinary. It looks like how you talk to people. It looks like how you sing. It looks like how you make daily decisions.
The Spirit wants to help us with everyday life.
God wants us to grow into wisdom so that we begin to know what God would want us to do in a situation, even when there isn’t a verse that directly addresses it. Because we’ve been soaked in Scripture and shaped by community, we start to say, “Okay, I know God cares about image bearers, so I should treat this person with dignity,” or “I know God values patience, so maybe I shouldn’t rush this.”
Jesus is the perfect example of this. Luke 2:52 says that Jesus grew in wisdom while He was on earth. He was given the Spirit of wisdom. And John calls Jesus the Word, logos. which can also mean wisdom. Jesus is the wisdom of God.
So as we look at Jesus, at how He lived and how He taught, we learn what wisdom looks like. And that’s how we learn to live wisely too.
Imitating the Reality of Christ v. 22-33
This is a really well-known passage, because it’s one of the clearest passages in Scripture about marriage - what marriage is and what it’s meant to be. And Paul is getting very specific here. He’s spent a lot of time talking about big, lofty, heavenly ideas: God the Father, the Son, the Spirit, the gospel, where we are seated with Christ. And now he zooms way in and talks about marriage which is an everyday relationship.
What Paul is showing is that all of those big theological realities actually have implications for something as ordinary and daily as marriage.
As I was studying this section, one thing that kept coming up is that people often get uncomfortable here, because we start talking about submission, and later about children and slaves. But what’s interesting is that the husbands actually get the bulk of the instruction. They get hit the hardest in this section. The husband is addressed as husband, as father, and later as master. The weight of responsibility is heavy.
And this text is actually very countercultural for its time. In the ancient world, wives, children, and slaves were hardly ever addressed directly. Here, they are dignified. They are treated as moral agents who have a choice to make. They are not just commanded through someone else.
This whole section flows directly out of verse 21: submitting to one another in the fear of God. That disposition still applies as Paul now gets specific about relationships within the household.
V. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
In verse 22 Paul says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” What’s important here is that Paul doesn’t introduce a new verb. It’s the same verb from verse 21. The wife is dignified to do this of her own accord. She is not being forced by her husband or by anyone else.
And it says, “as to the Lord”, not as if her husband were the Lord, but as part of her commitment to the Lord. Her submission is ultimately an act of faithfulness to God.
V. 23-24 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Verses 23 and 24 give the reason for this. Paul says “for” (because) the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. And whatever that authority looks like, it must be the same kind of authority that Jesus modeled: sacrificial, life-laying-down authority.
Authority here is acting to bless, not acting to boss. The bar for the husband is whether or not he is imitating Jesus. That’s the standard.
V. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Then in verse 25 Paul turns fully to the husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” This is sacrificial, steadfast, committed love. It is love that lays down its life.
V. 26-27 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
Verses 26 and 27 tell us the goal of Christ’s self-giving love: it was for her benefit—to sanctify her, to set her apart for God and His purposes. This cleansing and setting apart is so that the church can be presented beautiful before Christ, her groom.
Then Paul says that husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. This includes physical nourishment and emotional care. This is God’s original design for marriage, and that’s why Paul quotes Genesis. The two become one flesh in this mysterious way.
And Paul acknowledges that this is a great mystery. The oneness between husband and wife, and the oneness between Christ and the church - both are pointing to something deeper.
Then in verse 33 Paul gives a summary sentence: “Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
As I was thinking about this section, I thought about a picture of my family. I have a picture of my family: me, my dad, my mom, and my brother. Is that my family? Yes and no. It represents them. It’s a faithful picture. But it’s flat. I can’t talk to them. I can’t touch them. You don’t get to hear their voices.
The picture points to something greater.
That’s what Paul is saying about marriage. Marriage points to something greater. Marriage is a picture of what Jesus has done and is doing with the church. It’s not perfect. It’s broken. But it still points to that greater reality.
And these values discussed here are things that we are all called to do in our relationships. Love and mutual submission both as an end in and of itself and also as ways of preparing for this possibility of marriage if that would be what God has for us. These general virtues have more specific applications in marriage but they are things that should be generally true of the believer.
So marriage carries weight. Healthy marriages point to the faithfulness of Christ. Broken marriages point to brokenness in that picture. Jesus is all over this passage: as the one who modeled love, and as the one who showed us what submission looks like.
Christ loves His people. And Christ also submitted to His Father. We see that all throughout the Gospels: “I’m doing what the Father sent me to do.” Jesus is the model for both the husband and the wife - showing us what love looks like, what submission looks like, what good authority looks like, and what submitting to good authority looks like.
Submitting into the Reality of the Lord v. 6:1-9
This section is a continuation of the discussion of the Christian household from the previous sections, and it is still rooted in verse 21 and this idea of mutual submission.
What’s important to notice here is that these sections give children and slaves real autonomy and responsibility. They are treated as people who can make decisions. They have a choice. They are not simply acted upon.
V. 1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
Verse 1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” In this culture, obedience was the social norm. Children obeyed their parents. If a child did not obey their parents, the parents could bring the child into the center of the town and say, “My child is disobedient,” and the community could stone the child. That’s how intense this was.
So Paul is clarifying something here. Children are not just supposed to obey because of cultural expectations. They are called to obey because this is how God designed the universe to work. This is living along the grain of reality. Generally speaking, life goes better when children obey their parents. There are exceptions, but this is the norm, and this has been true throughout time and history.
V. 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Then in verse 4 Paul turns to fathers, who are the same people addressed as husbands in the previous section. He says, “Do not provoke your children to wrath.” This is about not parenting in a way that creates smoldering resentment and anger which is giving the devil a foothold.
Instead, fathers are called to bring their children up. That means teaching and training them. Even correction has a teaching and training goal. Instruction includes admonition which is warning children to avoid certain paths. This is very much like the Proverbs image of a father warning his son. And all of this is to be done in the way of the Lord and like Jesus.
Then Paul turns to slaves. Roughly half of the population in this culture were slaves. So if that is the norm, what does it mean for a church living in this culture?
Paul gives a Jesus-centered view that is countercultural. A lot of people want to know why Paul didn’t just call for the immediate end of all slavery. There are many reasons, but one pattern we see throughout Scripture is that God accommodates human brokenness and slowly reshapes hearts. Paul also addresses this issue in Colossians and in Philemon.
V. 5-8 Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ; 6 not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, he will receive the same from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.
In verse 5, Paul reminds slaves that their earthly master is not their real or final master—only their master according to the flesh. And he instructs them to be good slaves, serving with fear and trembling. This is not fear of punishment, but a posture of reverence toward God.
V. 9 And you, masters, do the same things to them, giving up threatening, knowing that your own Master also is in heaven, and there is no partiality with Him.
Then in verse 9 Paul turns to masters and says, “You do the same.” And he tells them to give up threatening. Threats of violence were the primary means of slave control in the ancient world. Paul tells them to give that up, because God is both of their masters. There is no partiality with Him.
There is a surprising mutuality here.
For us today, this has application beyond slavery. It applies to employee–employer relationships, to bosses, to authority structures we find ourselves in, including even contexts like Patmos. This is the spirit and posture with which we are meant to navigate these kinds of relationships.
Jesus models both ends of this relationship. Isaiah calls Him the suffering servant—one who submitted fully to the Father. And Jesus also models what it looks like to be a master who invites people into friendship and family.
He rescues us from the masters of sin and death in order to restore us to the only Master who is worthy of our service. And He gives us His Spirit, so that we might submit and surrender to the Spirit’s leading in our lives.
