Hello and welcome to Divergent Menopause, previously known as The Autistic Perimenopause: A Temporary Regression.
I’m Sam Galloway (she/her) and I am an AuDHD woman four months into surgical menopause (hysterectomy and oopherectomy).
If you are interested about why I needed the surgery, you can read more here.
Thanks for joining me on this wild midlife ride! 🎢
Hello and Happy New Year to you!
And just like that we are in 2026. Hooray, we made it!
Ageing is a privilege, but it isn’t easy.
All we can do some days is take one step at a time, one breath at a time, and keep on keeping on. And that is more than enough.
Around this time last year I wrote an article about Anti-Goals, and it is still being read and shared daily! It is by far my most popular post so far, and it captures the spirit of those of us who reject and repel the January conventions of self-improvement.
Demand avoidance is running high in my life and I have long been wanting to write a follow up article. My brain has forbidden it though, so I have compromised with myself and recorded this follow up video on the topic for now instead.
As always, the video is optional and is accompanied by an audio only podcast alternative, and/or a transcript. For accessibility’s sake, I also include below a timestamped summary provided by ChatGPT.
What’s helping you get through right now?
What do you wish you had more support with?
If you want to share in the comments, you’re welcome to.
One word or an emoji is more than enough.
⏱️ AI-Generated Timestamped Breakdown
00:00 – New Year’s resolutions are nonsense (for many of us)Why January pressure is unrealistic, especially during hormonal flux, and why time is a social construct anyway.
00:01 – Why goal-setting can fail demand-avoidant brainsIntroducing anti-goals and why avoiding harm can be more useful than striving for achievement.
00:02 – When survival becomes the goalWhat anti-goals looked like at my lowest point: reducing pain, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation.
00:03 – You can’t reverse a spiral aloneWhy support and a plan matter — and why “starting from scratch” isn’t possible when you’re already overwhelmed.
00:04 – Different baselines, different needsWhy comparing yourself to people “optimising” their lives is harmful when you’re just trying to get through the day.
00:05 – Redefining success at homeFrom magazine-perfect homes to hygienic and safe: using tools (like a robot vacuum) to reduce energy drain.
00:06 – Pain management over fitness goalsWhy “I don’t want to be in pain” is a valid goal — and how medical support, warmth, medication, and pacing mattered more than exercise plans.
00:08 – Addressing the root causeHow hormonal instability drove pain, mood changes, and loss of self-care capacity — and why treating that came first.
00:09 – Hormonal treatment and surgeryMy path through HRT, chemical menopause, and ultimately hysterectomy/oophorectomy — and how stability changed everything.
00:11 – Survival before self-improvementWhy health span matters more than optimisation, and why there is still no clear medical model for neurodivergent menopause.
00:12 – Don’t waste energy on unachievable goalsChoosing meds, blood tests, and basic care over gyms, meal prep, or “doing it properly”.
00:14 – Accepting support is not failureWhy masking through struggle is dangerous — and how getting help allows us to later help others.
00:15 – Hormones as a buffer, not a cureMedication, therapy, cleaners, junk food, respite — whatever helps you get through now is valid.
00:16 – Incremental change, not January transformationsWhy progress is slow, nonlinear, and includes regression — and why that’s not shameful.
00:18 – Spending energy and money wiselyLooking at root-cause support (pelvic physio, hormone care, surgery pathways) rather than short-term coping fixes.
00:19 – What do you need right now?An invitation to reflect, share in the comments, and focus on getting through 2026 and beyond.
💛 Key Takeaway
If you are neurodivergent and navigating perimenopause or menopause, your job is not to optimise yourself.
Your job is to stay alive, reduce suffering, and be kind to yourself while you transition through this phase.
Everything else can wait.
That’s all for now. It is bedtime here and I am delighted to report that my menopausal sleep is phenomenally better than my perimenopausal sleep was this time last year!
I hope that whatever you have planned for today, that you can afford yourself some peaceful time to rest.
Cheers,
Sam
If this post helped you feel a little less alone, a paid subscription is how you support this work and help keep it going. No pressure! Just here if and when it feels right. 😊
