Some time ago, I was invited to speak in Ashtabula, Ohio for the National Day of Prayer. I had identified as a religious progressive a dozen years before, so was surprised to be invited to speak at an evangelical event. The National Day of Prayer folks would have us believe they represent all Christians everywhere, but they’re mostly right-wing whackadoodles and have been since Billy Graham kicked off the event in 1952. The current honorary chairman is Jack Graham, the Texas pastor of the 60,000 member Prestonwood Baptist Church and current president of the Southern Baptist Convention, which is to spirituality what Donald Trump is to education. Speaking of Donald Trump, seventy-two percent of Southern Baptists voted for him in the last election, which gives you some idea of their moral acumen.
A month before my appearance at the Ashtabula Prayer Breakfast, I was notified that after prayerful consideration the good Christians of Ashtabula no longer wished to hear from me. Have you ever noticed that when evangelical Christians give you the shaft, they claim it was the result of “prayerful consideration”? Then they asked for their money back. I’m an old-fashioned sort of guy and if I don’t do a job, I don’t take money for it. But this time I made an exception, told them our contract permitted me to keep the fee, which I then donated to the ACLU. I’m not sure what the ACLU did with the money from the Ashtabula prayer warriors, but I’d like to think they spent it on a lawsuit prohibiting the state of Alabama from horsewhipping unwed mothers on courthouse lawns.
This month, the Einsteins in charge of the National Day of Prayer, after prayerful consideration, invited Donald Trump to speak about prayer, which he did, in an hour-long drone fest, by making fun of Speaker of the House Michael Johnson for praying before meals. In the spirit of the event, he called Rep. Thomas Massie, R-Ky., a “moron” for voting against his big, beautiful bill, then urged all present to see Melania, the Amazon documentary about his wife, in which she explained why she posed nude. It turns out she wanted to honor the beauty of the human body, which presumably is why she was mentioned in the Epstein files. Then, forgetting it was a bipartisan event, Trump ridiculed people of faith who voted for Democrats. All in all, it was a banner day for prayer, and everyone involved left the hotel ballroom confident the cause of prayer had been advanced.
As rich a spiritual event as the National Day of Prayer breakfast was, I can’t help but wonder why Billy Graham, back in 1952, thought it a good idea to pray to a man who told his followers, “when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret...” Then again, religion can be a mysterious undertaking and maybe back in 1952 Jesus changed his mind and told Billy Graham to go ahead and rent out a hotel ballroom, fill it with big shots, invite the press, and have at it.
It turns out his son, Franklin Graham, who usually attends the National Day of Prayer Breakfast, didn’t attend the most recent one. I think he and God might be on the outs since this past November when Graham said, “The Epstein files are nothing compared to God’s files.” I had no idea God, as Graham seems to suggest, is an even bigger pedophile than Jeffrey Epstein and I think Franklin Graham needs to tell us what he knows and when he knew it.
As annoying as all these things are, what bothers me most is that the prayer breakfast was held on February 5th, my birthday, and I would have happily traveled to Washington D.C. to speak to those folks. There are things I’ve been wanting to say to Donald Trump and the Southern Baptists for some years now and it would have saved me a lot of trouble to only have to say it once, when they were all together. Since they didn’t afford me the opportunity, I’ll say it now. Do us all a favor and go into your closets, close the doors, and shut your pieholes. Leave the running of the country to those of us who still believe in the Constitution. Can I get an Amen!
Philip Gulley is the author ofthe popularHarmony seriesandUnlearning God: How Unbelieving Helped Me Believe.
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Contact Philip directly at philiphgulley@gmail.com
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