I had this Sunday off and took advantage of my down time by catching up on current events. When reading the news, I learned the Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseith. is summoning the generals and admirals to Quantico this Tuesday to lecture them on the warrior ethos. President Trump will also speak. There will be some who will joke about Pete Hegseth lecturing on the warrior ethos after allegedly abusing his second wife, while others will scoff at Donald Trump dodging the draft then lecturing the generals about duty and sacrifice, but I’m not one of them. I have nothing but admiration for these men and thank God every day that He has appointed them to serve our nation.
Being a real American, I try to find the good in every situation, so must say I’m intrigued with the idea of Hegseth ordering our general officers to attend his lecture. I’ve decided I’m going to try that at my Quaker meeting. I don’t have an administrative assistant to send letters to the two hundred or so Quakers in our meeting, so I’ll have to send an email, even though I know some of them will claim they never saw it. Don’t let our reputation for probity fool you. If a Quaker doesn’t want to do something, they’re not above “not seeing” the invitation. Twice a year, we have Clean-Up Days at our meetinghouse, and it’s amazing how many people never see or hear the announcement.
Anyway, back to my plan. Some of the Quakers in my meeting have gone a bit soft and need to be reminded what Quakerism is all about. Since our beginnings in 1649, we’ve done a wonderful job making other Christians feel inferior, but these days more Quakers are interested in ecumenism than they are in reminding other Christians that we’re better than them. This, of course, doesn’t bode well for our religion. What good is a religion if it doesn’t believe in its own superiority? So this Tuesday, when Hegseth and the generals are at the Marine base in Quantico, Virginia, I’ll be speaking to the Quakers at my meetinghouse to remind them that we’re the greatest, most powerful, most Godly religion in the world, and it’s high time we started acting like it. No more of this nonsense about the “light of God in all people.” No more saying nice things about Muslims, Buddhists, and Hindus. No more cooperating with the Episcopal food pantry. Several years ago, a church down the road was vandalized and we sent them money. We’ll be asking for that money back, with interest. From now on, if someone isn’t for us, they’re against us.
The only problem I see with this plan is that I don’t have anyone else to blame for our lack of religious diligence. I’ve been here 26 years, but back when they hired me, I was liberal, so might have encouraged their open-mindedness and cross-cultural efforts. You better believe I won’t make that mistake again. No wonder our church isn’t growing by leaps and bounds. Who wants to attend a church that doesn’t stand up for itself?
Say what you will about Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth, at least they love America more than anyone else, which they’ve been telling us for years, but we were ignoring the emails. While we’re at it, let’s stop this No-Kings nonsense. If real Americans want a king, let us have one. Let’s face it, real Quakers want a pope, and coincidentally, I now realize God wants me for the job. He told me so himself yesterday when I was polishing my crown.
Since I’ll be giving a speech of my own, I won’t be able to watch Hegseth’s speech, but I’m confident it will displace the Gettysburg Address as the finest speech ever delivered on American soil. How could it not? It’s Pete Hegseth, after all, and have you seen his hair? I hope the generals clap as loud and long as they’re supposed to, just like the generals in North Korea, so that Pete Hegseth and Donald Trump know how much they are loved.
Philip Gulley is the author ofthe popularHarmony seriesandUnlearning God: How Unbelieving Helped Me Believe.
Discover my books, stories, and more by visiting Books by Philip Gulley
Contact Philip directly at philiphgulley@gmail.com
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