Show in Review
Today I joined Will Fullwood on The Contraband Wagon for one of the most open and vulnerable conversations I’ve had in some time. Will and I took our time to have a dialogue — one where we went back to hone in on the important, and sometimes small, details which cannot be told in short-form material. Will give me the space to explore how my awareness of race, identity, and social hierarchy has developed over time.
I open the conversation by talking about my childhood — growing up in Vermont, historically the whitest state in the union. The concept of racial diversity wasn’t a huge presence in my life — I saw it in bits and pieces through the local Native cultures being preserved and celebrated, while traveling for sports or music — but not enough to truly understand the real impacts.
My family background mattered — I grew proudly Jewish (with French Catholic background) — where this played a pivotal role in how I was taught to view the world. My parents taught me, and my brothers, that:
“Diversity isn’t a threat. It’s something to celebrate. Everyone has inherit value just for existing.” ~Nick Paro
Will pushed me further into discussing the moments when I first truly experienced racial hierarchy in my own life — I knew exactly what it was.
I remember being at an after school program in middle school when a friend drew swastikas on his homemade, paper bag textbook covers. I knew the symbol — I know the hate behind it. This child didn’t come up with this symbol on his own — we was taught that kind of hate. This child emulated the hatred of another.
Later in our discussion I remember another distinct nickname which shaped my understanding — “n*****-lips Nick”. By the time I started being called this — I knew exactly what it meant. I knew what the hate was behind it — it was meant to other.
After discussing a lot of my early years, we shift the conversation into my time at college. This was where I really encountered and needed to confront racial hierarchies and privileges. Going from Vermont to Pittsburgh, PA was a culture shock — it was eye-opening and has helped shape who I am today. I immersed myself in schooling and the Greek life community, which I look back on and can see how deeply coded that system is with misogyny, homophobia, and white supremacy. Even without active participation — it was an environment made to encourage slurs, promote emotional disconnection, and normalizes structured patriarchal hierarchies.
“The problem wasn’t just what we said. It was what we didn’t question.” ~Nick Paro
It’s taken years of therapy, self-reflection, and effort to unpack these behaviors — it’s been worth every step.
This journey so-far, and the conversation we had at large, has taught me the importance of emotional intelligence. Will and I talk about how emotional intelligence — often the vocabulary to speak on it in general — isn’t taught or discussed in so many white families. We spoke on the importance of not just what should be or what could be happening, but what has and what is happening — then dove into how we can learn and grow from the experiences. How we can evaluate and shape our understandings when we can effectively view and confront our thoughts without attacking personhood.
“Thoughts aren’t who you are. You are the person who chooses which thoughts to empower.” ~Nick Paro
You have the choice to let unwanted and destructive thoughts go — you think thousands of thoughts a day that you just let go because you know they aren’t worth holding — these thoughts of supremacy and domination are worth letting go of.
Life is so much more invigorating and enjoyable when you are willing to listen and engage to learn and understand, rather than dominate.
~ Nick Paro
Thank you Margaret Williams, MS, ACC, Beth Cruz, Soso's World, Noble Blend, Cris, and many others for tuning into my live video with Will Fullwood! Join me for my next live video in the app.
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Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
~Nick Paro
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