Masculinity in Review
In this first conversation of Intelligent Masculinity — I (Nick Paro) welcome on guest and friend, Shane Yirak, as we set a necessary contrast between true masculinity and performative domination. Our conversation is rooted in current violence, moral accountability, and lived experience — we define masculinity not as power over others — but as responsibility, growth, emotional literacy, and intellectual courage. We establish the scholar-warrior ethic as the path towards value-driven masculinity and as the antidote to this fear-driven masculinity and authoritarian violence.
Where We Begin
We open our conversation by directly acknowledging the extrajudicial killing of Renee Nicole Good by ICE agent, Jonathan Ross — not as an isolated incident, but as a symptom of institutionalized, hate-centered, fear-driven masculinity — one that purposely confuses authority with virtue and violence with strength. As George Orwell says in his dystopian future novel, 1984:
War is Peace.
Freedom is Slavery.
Ignorance is Strength.
This choice and distinction matters.
I like to say — “words matter.”
Rather than easing ourselves into our conversation, we immediately establish a moral baseline: If masculinity cannot be discussed honestly in the presence of state violence, then it isn’t worth discussing at all.
I explicitly name the quality of men responsible — men devoid of intentional, intelligent masculinity — arguing that fragile egos, anonymity, and unaccountable power are the breeding grounds for abuse and domination. We establish this framing as the baseline for the rest of our discussion:
* Refusing to let masculinity be abstract
* Tying masculinity directly to consequences
* Making accountability non-negotiable — accountability is the foundation
Defining the Enemy: Fragile Masculinity vs Intelligent Masculinity
A common and central idea emerges early and repeats throughout our discussion:
Masculinity is not domination.Masculinity is not fear.Masculinity is not obedience without conscience.
Shane Yirak and I argue that a purposeful, cultural push towards White Supremacist and Christian Nationalist ideologies has resulted in a fragile masculinity — one that offers men, and boys, the easy path — an illusion of power without consequences — an illusion of power that doesn’t require reflection, empathy, or moral responsibility.
Shane’s framing is particularly sharp: these systems attract men who feel powerless elsewhere, offering uniforms, weapons, and masks as substitutes for self-worth. This is a masculinity without growth — a masculinity of stagnation — a masculinity of ease.
In contrast, Intelligent Masculinity is presented as:
* Reflective rather than reactive
* Grounded rather than performative
* Rooted in accountability rather than hierarchy
We establish that fragile masculinity is rooted in self-loathing, while true strength is rooted in self-reflection and self-evaluation.
The Scholar-Warrior: Knowledge as a Moral Discipline
I introduce the idea of the scholar-warrior mentality not as some romanticized archetype, but as a practiced discipline.
This is where we really dive into Shane’s personal story — moving through his journey into learning science, philosophy, business, labor, and now media — illustrates a masculinity which deeply values:
* Intellectual curiosity over certainty
* Ethics over obedience
* Mind over posture
Shane Yirak’s intentional embrace of Socratic thinking is especially important: questioning and challenging one’s own beliefs becomes a masculine act rather than a weakness. Reframing masculinity away from rigidity and toward intellectual humility — a core idea that is fundamental to this discussion, and all of the other discussions moving forward.
Fathers, Growth, and Masculinity as a Practice
One of the most powerful through-lines of our conversation is the shared discussion of fatherhood — not as idealistic perfection, but as growth in motion.
Shane Yirak and I both identify our fathers as their most influential male figures in our lives, not because our fathers were flawless, but because they changed: they learned — they softened — they modeled accountability and partnership.
This model of accountability and growth are central pillars in both Shane and my experiences. Masculinity here is not an identity you achieve — it’s an intentional practice you commit to for a lifetime. Growth and understanding are the proof of masculinity, not dominance or emotional suppression.
Shane Yirak expands from my original question by naming the important role that influential women — particularly his grandmother and mother — have played in shaping his moral framework. This reinforces a key idea: masculinity that does not respect women cannot become intelligent.
Language, Power, and Everyday Violence
Our discussion around language — especially the rejection of misogynistic slurs — might seem casual, but it’s philosophically precise.
Shane Yirak articulates how language functions as the infrastructure, and catalyst, for dehumanization: when women’s bodies become insults, women themselves become subconsciously devalued.
This reinforces one of our conversation’s most important assertions: Intelligent masculinity requires vigilance — not just over actions, but over words. Masculinity is not only what men, like Shane Yirak and I, do in moments of crisis — it’s what we normalize (and intentionally de-normalize) as everyday speech — it’s the little things we do not allow others to get away with — it’s intentionally demanding that we personally and collectively grow.
What Does Our Discussion Mean for the Overall Discussion
My conversation with Shane Yirak sets the stage for the rest of the Intelligent Masculinity series with foundational ideas that we actively practice, and encourage others to grow with:
* We anchor masculinity in ethics, not aesthetics
* We outright reject authoritarian masculinity
* We frame masculinity as accountable, relational, and intellectual
* We establish the scholar-warrior as a modern necessity, not a metaphor
Most importantly, we make clear that this series is not about defending men — it’s about demanding better from them.
~Nick Paro
Actions You Can Take
Support Ukraine:
Call your public servants on important issues:
Join the efforts to unmask law enforcement:
Sign the Move-On Petitions:
* Investigate Presidential Use of the Autopen for Pardons and Executive Actions
* Mandate that ICE agents show their face and identification
Learn empathy forward, human centered, experiment based Leadership & Growth Courses for Higher Ed & Non-Profit Professionals:
Thank you Centered America, Mandy Ohman, Beth Cruz, Noble Blend, Courtney 🇨🇦, and many others for tuning into my live video with Shane Yirak! Join me for my next live video in the app.
Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
~Nick Paro
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