“When you die, there’s a birth year, a death year, and the dash in between. How did you define the dash? Did you maximize your time to help other people? Because you can slap your name on a building, but buildings fall. What lasts is how you conducted yourself and who you lifted while you were here.”
~ Bobby Jones ~
Masculinity In Review
In this 12th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with retired Navy Commander, Lincoln Square contributor, and founder of Veterans for Responsible Leadership Bobby Jones for one of the most grounded and powerful discussions in the series to date. What begins as a sharp political critique evolves into a deeply personal exploration of fatherhood, emotional regulation, service-based leadership, and legacy. Bobby frames masculinity as reliability, partnership, self-discipline, and generational impact. At the core of his philosophy:
“It’s not about you.”
Early in the discussion, the conversation confronts the political spectacle dominating the news cycle. But rather than getting stuck in outrage, Jones pivots toward something deeper: the collapse of responsibility at the highest levels of power.
From there, we sharpen the series’ thesis: Masculinity without accountability becomes a spectacle, hidden behind a mask—while masculinity with discipline becomes intentional service. And that word—service—defines this entire interview.
When asked about the most influential masculine figure in his life, Bobby does not hesitate: his father. Born into Jim Crow poverty in northern Florida, his father fought his way into college football, played in the NFL during an era without massive contracts, and worked night shifts so he could attend his children’s games.
What stood out the most was the refusal to boast—a humble, yet unapologetic expression of power. Bobby recalls that his father just did the work and never sought any accolades for it—the importance of the actions, not the perceived need for praise that might (or might not) follow. This boiled down into an important contrast for our discussion: lasting masculinity comes when you accomplish first, speak intentionally while performative masculinity is one where you speak constantly and accomplish very little. Bobby names this difference plainly:
“The legacy of a man is not how much he obtains, but who he affects and how.”
That line alone could define the rest of the series.
When pressed for a concrete definition, Bobby offers us a three-part framework:
* Mental fortitude to push forward in difficulty,
* Emotional awareness of your own shortcomings, and
* Commitment to partnership rather than domination.
He calls out a serious, ongoing cultural regression: instead of stepping up as equals to strong women and marginalized communities, too many men attempt to tear others down to protect their own mediocrity—and his message is blunt:
“Step your game up.”
In a society obsessed with ranking, comparison, and grievance—Bobby re-centers masculinity around self and community improvement—not personal entitlement.
A powerful moment emerges when Bobby discusses the so-called “emotional” critique often aimed at women in politics . He uses this to fuel a philosophy we can all adopt:
“Emotion powers courage.”
He takes this a step further and issues a simple challenge: if you cannot understand your own emotions, you cannot lead effectively. He invokes Abraham Lincoln writing condolence letters and Eisenhower facing D-Day—leaders who absolutely felt fear and grief—but processed it in service of others. Emotional regulation and intelligence, not suppression, becomes the dividing line.
Perhaps the most resonant concept of the episode is one Jones returns to with gravity:
The dash.
On every gravestone there is a birth year, a death year, and a dash in between. That dash is the legacy. Bobby left us with a question:
“How did you define the dash?”
It’s simple—and devastating in its clarity. Did you maximize your time to help others? Were you reliable when things fell apart Did you collaborate, or compete destructively? In a culture obsessed with accumulation, Bobby reminds us that wealth fades—while meaningful impact echoes.
Bobby outlines his self-evaluation process in practical terms: writing goals down physically in a notebook, rejection of vague dreaming in favor of defined execution, and the conscious effort to ask himself daily if he get better or did he get worse? Bobby highlights this with a quote from Jimmy Johnson:
“You’re either getting better or you’re getting worse. There is no in-between.”
Growth requires discomfort—discomfort requires humility—humility requires partnership. And without those, masculinity collapses into grievance.
Our discussion closes with levity—sports jokes, Falcon heartbreak, playful reflections—where even those moments reinforce the underlying theme that masculinity requires control, emotional intelligence, and emotional literacy over flatness. Bobby jokes about being underestimated throughout his career and sometimes “sandbagging” intelligence for strategic advantage—and even that story underscores a recurring theme of perception vs. substance. In the end, we find that real strength doesn’t need to announce itself—it shows up consistently, often quietly, and leaves an impact that will resonate through generations. Bobby Jones showcases that unyielding, unapologetic strength as he defines what ends up between the dash.
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Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
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