“At its core, toxic masculinity — the opposite of intelligent masculinity or positive masculinity — is about cowardice. And you can push insecurity and overcompensating and all of that into it, but I think if you frame it in terms of cowardice, it not only skewers the performative cosplay of the Pete Hegseths and the Markwayne Mullin, it allows viewers and fans and others to begin to see it when it crops up. And I’m thinking just in one instance of that picture of Markwayne Mullin — like the epitome of performative masculinity — standing up in a Senate hearing, challenging the head of the Teamsters to a fight, talking about being downrange on a mission so classified that he can’t talk to senators about it. And yet there’s that photo of him on January 6th, cowering behind the real men defending him and his colleagues. He is not at the tip of the spear. He is literally cowering. And that to me is a great picture of that fundamental truth about toxic masculinity, which is that it’s about cowardice.”
Masculinity In Review
In this 22nd interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Ken Harbaugh — former Navy pilot, veteran service organization leader, and host of the Ken Harbaugh Show on the Midas Touch Network — to pull apart what happens when performative masculinity stops being embarrassing and starts being dangerous. The two met in Minneapolis at the Abolish ICE Live event honoring Alex Pretti and Renee Nicole Good – and that shared context shapes the entire conversation. Ken frames the current political moment — from Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon to Markwayne Mullin’s Senate hearings to become the next Director of Homeland Security — as a case study in the specific rot that results when deeply flawed, insecure men gain institutional power and disguise bluster as leadership. This discussion traces the roots of that rot through Christian nationalism, warrior cosplay, and a cultural definition of success so narrow it destroys the people chasing it. Everyone can come away with a working vocabulary for identifying performative masculinity in real time and a model for what the alternative actually looks like.
Performative masculinity is, at its core, cowardice. Ken argues that the clearest through-line in every example of toxic masculine behavior — from Josh Hawley sprinting down a Senate hallway on January 6th to Markwayne Mullin hiding behind real officers while claiming combat credentials he never earned — is cowardice wearing borrowed armor. The bluster is not incidental to cowardice – it is produced by it. Ken makes the point that this framing is more useful than words like insecure or fragile precisely because cowardice is legible. It names what is happening. It lets people recognize the pattern the moment they see it rather than needing to diagnose the psychology underneath.
Warrior cosplay and Christian nationalism are fused — and the fusion is dangerous. Pete Hegseth is the clearest example Ken raises: a man with a makeup room adjacent to his Pentagon office, whose idea of leadership is chest-thumping on camera while calling for an end to rules of engagement. Ken describes this version of Christianity — fire, brimstone, no quarter for the enemy — as idolatrous, and fundamentally inconsistent with the faith Hegseth claims. The danger is not just theological incoherence; it is that a man running the Department of Defense is treating the military as a vehicle for a crusade. Veterans, Ken says, have a specific responsibility to name this. They know the guy at the bar who talks like this. They know exactly what it is.
Real heroism does not wear itself on its sleeve. The counterweight Ken brings is his grandfather — a B-17 pilot in the Pacific who flew home with a 20-millimeter cannon round through his thigh, was awarded a Silver Star, and never once bragged about it. That silent dignity was the point – not a form of emotional suppression. The clips and articles were around the house. You had to pry the stories out of him. Ken draws the contrast explicitly: the heroism that is real does not need an audience. The contrast with Markwayne Mullin — a man who has never served but describes classified missions to Senate colleagues — is sharp enough to be its own definition.
Bravery is not a military credential — it is a human one. One of the most direct corrections Ken makes is severing the automatic equation between service and bravery, or between bravery and masculinity. He names nurses as among the bravest people he knows — and given that Alex Pretti, an VA ICU nurse who spent his career in veterans’ final moments, was the reason both men were in Minneapolis, the point carries weight. Teachers are in the same category. The standard Ken holds up is not uniform or service branch; it is whether you show up for the most vulnerable people in the room. That is the measure.
Success has been defined so narrowly that it is destroying the people who achieve it. Ken ran for Congress in a district Trump won by over 30 points. He did not win the race. With time, he came to see the campaign differently — as something that built real infrastructure, launched significant careers, and proved resistance was possible in places people had written off. The reframe is not consolation; it is structural. He extends it directly to Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Peter Thiel: men who, by capitalism’s narrowest metric, are successful, and who Harbaugh describes as complete failures in life — no friends, children who despise them, legacies built primarily on harm. The counterproposal is simple and direct: the ultimate measure of a successful life is having people who love you around you when it ends.
In the end, we see Ken Harbaugh for more than what we saw before – he is a Navy pilot, a two-time veteran service organization leader, a former congressional candidate, and the host of a show built specifically to counter the kind of political moment this episode dissects. What he brings to Intelligent Masculinity is a veteran’s precision — the ability to identify, from lived experience, exactly what a man is compensating for when he performs strength rather than exercising it. This conversation ties together threads the series has been building since its first episode: accountability cannot be outsourced, bravery is not a credential, and success defined by accumulation alone produces lonely, destructive people. For Ken, masculinity looks like his grandfather in the deer blind — not many words, no performance, just steady presence and the expectation that you carry what you shoot.
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Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
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