“For a long time, I thought putting myself first was selfish. Becoming a father taught me that taking care of yourself is not selfish when other people depend on you. I can do more good now, with less risk to myself and my family, because I finally accepted that survival is part of responsibility.”
Masculinity In Review
In this 9th interview of the Intelligent Masculinity series, Nick Paro sits down with friend, Army combat Veteran, and anti-fascist organizer Kristofer Goldsmith to examine masculinity under real pressure. Through Kris’ reflections—on trauma, mentorship, power, justice, fatherhood, and recovery—we begin reframing the masculinity conversation as disciplined action rather than raw aggression. Intelligent mascuilinity, as Kris argues, is the ability to channel his emotions—especially rage and anger—into constructive forces. Then, taking responsibility not just being on offense for justice, but also surviving that fight.
One of the most important reframes in our discussion is Kris’ definition of power. He draws a sharp line between:
* Physical dominance (violence, intimidation, and impulsive aggression)
* Structural power (law, policy, organizing, and leverage).
Kris winds up being very explicit: the ability to intimidate or hurt someone is not impressive. The ability to organize people, change laws, and impose consequences without violence is real power. This directly dismantles the Andrew Tate, Joe Rogan, Theo Von style masculinity myth that strength equals the willingness to fight. In Kris’ world, discipline—not brutality—is what moves history.
Kris’ description of his mentor, Chuck Cutolo, is one of the clearest illustrations of intelligent masculinity in the entire series. Chuck is described as not physically imposing, not performatively masculine, comfortable with himself, and effective beyond measure. By professionalizing Kris’ advocacy, Chuck transformed rage into results—helping turn his lived trauma into meaningful and effective legislation that change the lives of millions of Veterans. Masculinity here is competence, confidence, and comfort without armor. Kris’ experience reinforces a recurring truth within this series: men grow best under guidance, not dominance.
One of the most powerful aspects of this discussion is Kris’ refusal to sanitize anger—he owns it—openly acknowledging his hatred, rage, violent impulses, and growing from the moral failures of his younger self. Instead of glorifying the anger, he explains how it had to be contained and redirected. The most powerful metaphor of the episode is his distinction between wildfire and hearth: unchecked rage destroys indiscriminately—while channeled rage forges tools. Kris channelled this rage and turned it into the framing for his non-profits, Veterans Fighting Fascism and Task Force Butler, and the creation of the Antifascist Book Club—it is rage disciplined into education, organizing, and protection. This ends up being one of the clearest articulations of intelligent masculinity to date: emotion is the fuel and discipline decides what it burns.
A turning point in our conversation comes when Kris describes hitting total collapse—financially, physically, and emotionally—after years of relentless activism. This adds a crucial addition to the overall series thesis:
Accountability does not mean martyrdom.
Kris’ recovery—intensive outpatient care, stepping back from nonprofits, diversifying income, and prioritizing personal safety—represents a maturation of masculinity. Fighting for justice while refusing to protect yourself is not noble—it is unsustainable. Step into fatherhood crystalized this lesson—becoming responsible for another life forced Kris to confront a truth many men resist:
Taking care of yourself is not selfish when others depend on you.
Goldsmith’s reflections on becoming a girl dad add emotional gravity to the episode. To him, fatherhood becomes the forcing function that causes us to reshape and recalculate risk tolerance, work boundaries, self-preservation, and long-term thinking. In this, masculinity shifts from an endurance race to a journey of continuity. The goal is no longer to absorb infinite damage for a cause—but to remain present, alive, and effective over time.
Kris’ closing reflections on his experiences with PTSD and entering the public sphere’s are among the most powerful moments of the series. He compares recovery to a motorcycle wreck and road-rash: repeated, painful cleaning that hurts worse than the original injury—but prevents infections while allowing healing. This is masculinity stripped of the mythology: not a cosplay of stoicism, not trauma commodification, and no false hero narrative. Just brutal honesty about what it costs to survive—and why survival still matters.
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Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
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