“If I got pissed off every time something like that happened, I’d just run my own blood pressure up. Writing about it lets me examine it. Sometimes I realize I was wrong. Sometimes I realize I reacted better than I would have years ago. But I try to be honest with myself — because if you’re not honest with yourself, you’re not growing.”
~ Marlon Weems ~
Masculinity In Review
In this 13th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro sits down with Marlon Weems for one of the most layered conversations in the series so far. What unfolds is not a rigid definition of masculinity, but a lived evolution — from corporal punishment to restraint, from reaction to regulation, and from ego to reflection. Marlon’s story moves through Arkansas, Wall Street, fatherhood, race, humiliation, discipline, and writing as therapy. At the center of it all is a quiet but powerful truth:
“Growth does not happen by accident. It happens when you are willing to examine yourself honestly.”
Marlon begins by describing the men who shaped him—a stepfather who raised him as his own (until he didn’t), an uncle who prepared him for racial hostility in professional spaces, and a mother who filled in the gaps. Two lessons stand out from this:
* Ambition through expectation — being pushed intellectually, even when it felt harsh.
* Survival through restraint — knowing when not to react.
One of the most striking stories involves his uncle warning him before entering a predominantly white investment firm:
“The first time someone calls you a slur, you can’t hit them — because you’ll be the one who loses everything.”
That lesson becomes foundational. Here we see masculinity is about long-term survival and strategic control, not about dominance or retaliation. This is Intelligent Masculinity in practice: you don’t outsource your reaction to someone else’s provocation.
Perhaps the most vulnerable portion of the discussion centers on Marlon’s two phases of fatherhood. With his older sons, he describes a harsher approach—belt, switch, intimidation—not out of cruelty, but because that was the model he inherited. Later, raising his younger children—particularly his daughter—something shifted. He describes a moment when he struck his daughter lightly in discipline and saw hurt, fear, and disbelief in her eyes:
“I couldn’t live with that look.”
That was the pivot. He did not double down and he did not justify it—he evolved. Discipline became regulation instead of force. Authority became presence instead of threat—and that is intelligent masculinity.
It’s correction, not perfection.
One of the most powerful stories in the interview is a childhood memory where Marlon was caught stealing a bar of soap. Instead of being beaten, Marlon was marched back into the store and made to confess publicly to the manager. There was no physical punishment—just accountability and embarrassment. He never stole again because the lesson wasn’t fear—it was natural consequence. For Marlon, masculinity is modeled as ownership, public accountability, and long memory.
When asked how he self-reflects, Marlon gives one of the most important answers in the entire series—writing. He describes revisiting a memory of judging someone’s appearance at a formal dinner and realizing, decades later, that the bias revealed more about him than them. Writing forced him to confront that truth—through the written reflections he did not frame himself as a victim or excuse himself—he examined himself and became disciplined. He teaches us that intelligent masculinity requires actively reviewing your own behaviors, identifying our own biases, and correcting internal narratives.
One of the more subtle threads in the interview is the theme of projection. After moving to North Carolina, Marlon recounts neighbors openly admitting they Googled him to verify who he was—unable to reconcile his appearance with his résumé. Instead of exploding in anger, he reframes it and refused to allow every micro-aggression to destabilize him, knowing that anger would consume his peace. This isn’t dismissal of racism—it’s disciplined energy management. He chooses when to engage, when to document, and when to move on. That is power under control.
The playful Mulan-inspired closing questions (“swift as a coursing river,” “force of a great typhoon,” etc.) reveal something deeper. When asked about being swift, Marlon tells a story about nearly losing $250,000 in a trading error — and how composure saved him. When asked about being a raging fire, he speaks about persistence and refusing to accept defeat. When asked about mystery, he tells stories of being scrutinized, Googled, and underestimated — and choosing humor over bitterness.
As Marlon Weems tells us and shows us—strength here is not loud, it is steady.
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Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
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