“I’m a big guy. I take up space whether I want to or not. Intelligent masculinity means understanding what that looks like to other people and moving through the world with that in mind. I don’t get to pretend I’m not threatening just because I don’t mean to be. With the power I have comes the responsibility not to abuse it—especially in a world already designed to cater to my ego.”
Take a dive into The Opinionated Ogre’s backstory — be forewarned this article contains instances of child abuse, both physical and emotional — “I’m Not Your Biological Father” - My Life As A Jerry Springer Episode.
Masculinity In Review
In this 10th interview of Intelligent Masculinity, Nick Paro speaks with The Opinionated Ogre about what it means to live responsibly inside power—physical, social, and structural. Through Ogre’s reflections on childhood trauma, fatherhood, restraint, and self-discipline, we reframe masculinity not as dominance or intimidation, but as constant awareness of impact. Intelligent masculinity, he argues, is knowing what you are capable of—and choosing not to become what harmed you.
One of the most important contributions Ogre makes is his insistence that intent does not erase impact. Because of his size, voice, and presence, Ogre understands that he is perceived as threatening regardless of his internal state. Intelligent masculinity, for him, begins with accepting that reality—not resenting it, denying it, or demanding reassurance. This awareness shapes how he moves through public spaces, speaks to strangers, engages women, and navigates conflict. Masculinity here is not a form of self-expression—it is situational awareness and responsibility.
Ogre repeatedly rejects the idea that strength requires projection.
Instead of volume, he uses restraint.
Instead of intimidation, he uses clarity.
Instead of rage, he uses timing.
A masculinity that understands a critical truth: being capable of harm makes restraint an obligation, not a virtue. The “manager voice,” the deliberate pause, the refusal to escalate—these are not signs of weakness. They are signs of discipline.
One of the most powerful points in the interview is very reminiscent of the interview with Sharad Swaney—here Ogre’s description of fatherhood as a lived experience in counter-programming. Having grown up in abuse and neglect, he made a conscious decision to parent in reverse:
Asking “what would my father do?”
Then doing the opposite.
What begins as effort becomes habit. What begins as discipline becomes instinct. This is intelligent masculinity as training, not identity. It is learned behavior, practiced daily, then reinforced over years.
Ogre is explicit about the danger he poses if he loses control—physically and verbally. This self-awareness and honesty matters here. Rather than denying violent capacity, he accepts the responsibility—confronting it head-on and building systems to contain it: therapy, constant self-reflection, avoidance of substances, and rules for himself that do not bend under stress. This type of masculinity does not confuse restraint with passivity—it understands that it requires active containment.
A deceptively simple but profound theme emerges near the end of the conversation: never act without knowing why. Whether parenting, setting boundaries, or making decisions, Ogre insists that “no” without reason is just inherited authority masquerading as judgment. This insistence on explanation—first to oneself, then to others—is the opposite of authoritarian masculinity. It is reflective, accountable, and corrigible.
The Opinionated Ogre models a masculinity that understands danger—and chooses care instead.
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Nick’s Notes
I’m Nick Paro, and I’m sick of the shit going on. So, I’m using poetry, podcasting, and lives to discuss the intersections of chronic illness and mental wellbeing, masculinity, veteran’s issues, politics, and so much more. I am only able to have these conversations, bring visibility to my communities, and fill the void through your support — this is a publication where engagement is encouraged, creativity is a cornerstone, and transparency is key — please consider becoming a paid subscriber today and grow the community!
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