I’ve been saying to myself “nothing matters except for what matters” over and over again to myself. It feels so true in my body. The drive I used to have for stuff and career and achievements that were present not too long ago have vanished. I don’t even mean it in a depressive way (which is also present). I mean it in a way that feels so clear. It is so clear what matters and what doesn’t matter.
In this moment, on April 17 2024, the clarity is honestly stunning.
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My spirit is on fire. Awake. Alive. And Raging.
It’s so clear that nothing matters except for the freedom of Palestine, the freedom of Congo, the freedom of Sudan, the freedom of incarcerated folks, the justice of Dexter Reed, the freedom from empire, the freedom from capitalism. Crystal clear.
The torturous part is that the clarity brings sharper pain to injustice and also when my energy is spent in ways that I don’t want.
For those who have been following me here on substack for a second, you’ve seen me through a cycle or two of liberatory mania (coining that here now.) I’m on a slightly more rage-ful peak I would say. Last week I wrote about feeling off rhythm, and how I want to get into a routine that could be supportive - I also wrote about how I had anxiety about calling my mom. Good news is that I called my mom, and it was fine. Bad news is that a healthy rhythm is fully out the window.
If you follow me on IG, you probably know what’s been happening with Dexter Reed, A15 + chicago organizers being brutalized and incarcerated - being charged with f*****g felonies. The pigs are out right lying about being assaulted! To witness such evil is truly horrifying and maddening and terrifying. The grief and the exhaustion to be under this empire is heavy. It feels never ending.
What keeps me going is the reminder that Supremacy is fighting hard because the resistance is threatening. When the collective realizes its power and sees the truth of empire, game over.
Following what feels like an honor has been very grounding to me. What an honor it is to be an abolitionist. What an honor it is to be in community resisting the status quo. What an honor it is to scream Free Palestine with fellow comrades. What an honor it is to disrupt normalcy during multiple genocides. What an honor to be alive right now.
It feels so clear that this life is meant for our liberation. I’ve also feel convicted and motivated to figure out how to really take care of my body well. If anything ever were to happen to me, I need to have a strong body/mind/spirit. So that means, prioritizing nourishing foods and movement. So much easier said than done! I want to grow my faith in the fact that how I move outside of direct action and community gatherings is foundational. That is integrity.
Recently, I’ve been feeling so much energy in my body while feeling so incredibly soulfully sad. I was just telling a friend this morning that I want to keep on going hard, because I know when I slow down enough the sadness feels way worse. For being such a proponent of honoring grief, it doesn’t make the process any easier.
F**k the police. Can’t wait to continue spending the rest of my life building a world that is free from prisons and pigs.
On a lighter note, I made some artwork the other day for a market, and it was really really good for me. I’ve been so busy that doing art has taken a backseat, which is totally ok. Time and time again, I was reminded about the magic of using my hands in creative ways. I made a bunch of collages out of paper I painted. Note to self: do more art for fun.
On a slightly darker note, I’m back in the mindset that I’m just going to flow with what is here. What’s here is that I want to go hard. I’m so sick of drowning from the pressure of capitalism and forced apathy. I’m so sick of watching a genocide in front of my eyes. I’m so sick of being gaslit that showing up for each other and our global neighbors is like an optional hobby. I have always been the person that says it’s about the long haul, and while I believe that 100% - I don’t think that rising up to the moment right now is contrary to that. Maybe I’m wrong, but we will see I guess!
What does Liberatory Imagination spark in me today?
Having a clear vision of what world we are building. It sparks in me the rootedness that capitalism and exploitation is not a something we need to accept. In fact we reject it fully. Liberatory imagination sparks the vision of community capacity to move through complexity. It sparks in me the freedom of fire - the ability to express righteous rage freely without punishment. It sparks in me a world free of cops, prisons, and zionists.
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