Just say no.There’s no stopping you, no-one except yourself.It doesn’t mean you’re no fun –On the contrary, you live in a world where no is all around you!No smoking indoors, no alcohol outdoors, no drugs anywhereNo littering no spitting no loitering no gambling at bus terminalsNo running no jumping no diving in the swimming poolNo shorts, no sandals, no loose Fitting or Baggy Jeans, no jerseys, no hats no trainers! Shhh! No talking!No touching the paintings at a gallery, or yourself in any public space, for that matter – look ma, no hands!I said Shhh! No talking!We’ve gone from no dogs no blacks no Irish – not in my house – to no DSS, no scroungers, no (unauthorised) overnight stays...Insurers promise you no win no fee and no claims bonus for your no emissions vehicle, provided there's no speeding, no u-turns, no drink-driving, and no stopping at a box junctionNO PAIN NO GAIN!And there’s no space for prams or pushchairs, no bicycles (unless they fold) –In fact, no heavy luggage here sir, it will have to be checked in And no firearms or ammunitionNo explosives and flammable devicesNo chemical items, especially corrosive and toxic substances No stunning devices (don’t flatter yourself)No sharp objects liable to cause injury No workman’s toolsNo blunt instrumentsNo security-type casesAnd no aerosols, creams and liquids over 100ml in your hand luggage please!No feeding the animals at the zoo. As for the ones outside it...No feeding the pigeons, cats, dogs, rats or mice (whatever you think the difference is between the last two, it ain’t enough of one)In fact, no petsAnd no heavy petting – I see you, you randy bastardsNo sex please, we’re millennialsWe eat no meat, no fish, no eggs, no diary, no added sugar or salt – no ifs, no buts!So just say no. I won’t take no for an answer!No no no no no no no no no no no no – there’s no limit to the number of things you cannot do that you live withSo just say no. I won’t take no for an answer!
