Hello sunshine,
Do you ever just get lost sometimes in the mixed up flurry of all the “should’s” and “must’s?” They are utterly exhausting times, aren’t they?
It just seems as if you completely step outside of your own self to do it all. You go into autopilot to accommodate the endless list.
Or maybe it’s quite the opposite for you. The fast and furious pace is just too much and you choose to step outside yourself to float away from it all. Maybe even have some sort of vice like endless TV streaming or wine to keep you floating and distant.
Detached from yourself
The common theme among any experience like this is, you detach from yourself. You zone out in the flurry of spending so much time tending to everything and everyone around you, or you zone away from the pressure of it all.
You’ve slowly, quietly lost the thread back to yourself. You may appear present and functioning to others. You’re even doing good things. But somewhere in the middle of all of it, you went missing.
Like you, there have been times in my life where I’ve gone missing. What I’ve learned from my journey is that these MIA moments have always been a signal, not a failing. A sign that something in me is ready to shift.
Last week I shared how sometimes the pebbles that may feel like boulders are not meant to hold us back. When you see the whole path in all directions you embrace the journey of it all. The pebbles are external situations, and this week we’re going to explore this aspect of reconnecting to ourself again. It’s the ultimate act of self-love when you realize what’s going missing from your life is actually yourself.
Reconnecting through the thread of you
The disconnection you feel isn’t a character flaw. It’s feedback. It means the thread is still there, still waiting, and you’ve just been looking for it in the wrong direction, outward instead of inside.
When we look outward we get stuck in place through the endless conditions we place on ourselves. These conditions hold us back because we think they must be met before we can feel whole, complete, successful. Insert whatever word you want to express your feeling. It’s the conditions that create the vast distance from your present moment to your ideal future self.
It’s more challenging to get back to yourself, to really love your whole being, when these conditions appear to be in the way. This “conditional self-love” is paralyzing and overwhelming. And it’s not really love, is it?
Do any of these sound familiar?
* I’ll feel more myself when I get that relationship in balance with my own needs.
* If I could just be a better parent and make sure they have exactly what they need, there would be less stress.
* When I get that big bonus then we’ll take the trip abroad.
* If I only knew the right people so I could be successful in my business.
* That credential is all I need to feel more confident.
* I just need to look better and then I’ll feel better.
* If only that broken past issue didn’t hold me back for so many years.
If this kind of mind chatter is holding you back, I have some amazing news for you Sunshine. The answer you’re looking for is always inside of you.
When I’m faced with these situations in my life, I access my creative living rituals to return to myself again. And sometimes I create new rituals to help myself too. And my greatest joy is to share them with you.
Embracing unconditional self-love
The one voice you can trust is your inner voice. The one of love and kindness, which is different from the fear based mind chatter.
When that voice whispers, Where did you go?, I take notice and pause.
In that moment, I’m releasing judgment on myself of How did you get to this place again? I see the list of conditions simply for what they are, an arbitrary list created by society or other people in my life.
I can process through this identification by asking myself some questions. I usually “think through them” first, but I will quickly explore them more deeply in my journal pages.
* What was the moment I realized I was MIA from myself?
* What message of kindness does my inner voice whisper to me?
* What moment do I see hope in getting back to myself again?
Your Conscious Wayfarer practice this week
This week you will surrender the conditions and follow a return ritual to then embrace unconditional self-love. This practice can be done in one sitting, or you can do parts of it when you have time available. You choose your journey back to you—however that fits into your day.
Surrender your conditions list
Open your journal or pull out a separate paper. List all the conditions and also any negative mind chatter you have about them. Get them all out onto paper because it’s a way of extracting them from yourself. It’s beginning the process of returning to your truest self.
Once you’ve captured them all on paper, now cross through all of it. Black it out with a sharpie or better yet you can rip it out of your journal all together. Then rip up the page or burn them in a safe place outside.
A note before you go further
Releasing those conditions isn’t about walking away from the people you love or the commitments that matter to you. It isn’t permission to abandon your responsibilities or declare yourself done with the hard parts of life.
It’s actually the opposite.
When you return to yourself you show up differently. More fully. More honestly. You become intentional about what you’re willing to exchange for your commitments, because you know your own worth. You stop spending yourself down to zero trying to prove it.
That’s a different kind of energy entirely. The people in your life feel it. You feel it.
You get to show up whole. And that changes everything.
Return ritual to embrace unconditional self-love
I invite you to use this simple ritual separately or combined with the journaling practice when you have time to go deeper with embracing unconditional self-love.
Find somewhere quiet, even if that’s just your car or the bathroom. You can also use earphones to play meditation sounds or music to really embrace the space you’re entering.
* In a seated position, put one hand over your heart.
* Take three slow breaths. Not performative breathing. Just slow and real.
* Then ask yourself, out loud if you can: What do I actually need right now?
Don’t edit the answer. Don’t judge it. Don’t make it reasonable or practical. Just let it land.
* Whatever comes up, write it down. Even if it’s “I need someone to just handle everything for a week.” Even if it’s “I need to cry.” Even if it’s “I honestly don’t know yet.”
Unconditional self-love journaling
Once you have your answer, bring it with you to the page.
I release all my conditions and choose to return to myself. I embrace unconditional self-love. In this moment I need _______. (include the message came during your return ritual)
Then begin to fill your page with messages of love or self-love that you feel most inspired by. What simple ways can you best support self-love?
The return to yourself always begins with a question, not an answer. You’re not solving anything today. You’re just saying: I’m still here. I’m listening.
That’s unconditional self-love in its most honest form.
Be Gentle With Your Practice
Sometimes that list of conditions isn’t just overwhelming. It’s familiar. And familiar can feel safe, even when it’s keeping us stuck.
That’s not a judgment. It’s just worth being aware of as you return to yourself.
This work can be raw at times. You don’t have to do it all at once or get it perfectly right. It’s a courageous act to bring self-love into practice.
Sometimes it’s simply one small step that’s genuinely kind to yourself. A single condition crossed off the list. One breath. One honest answer to the question what do I actually need right now?
That’s enough. You are enough.
My #jenmoments for you
This week, my #jenmoment happened on a special day. The birthday of a dear friend and mentor who is no longer in earthly form. I cherish all the lessons she shared with me, especially since we both shared the love of “the moment.” I am so grateful for her sprinkles of love when they show up in my day.
The legacy of Teresa Huggins is one of “Pausing long enough to notice.” In many of those moments she would always notice anything heart shaped. A stone in the stream, a passing cloud or in any random object.
On the day of her birth, my friend sent a reminder of pausing to fully receive the message of unconditional self-love. I witnessed this in the newly blooming hydrangeas in my garden. They just opened this week, and on that day the first full bloom I noticed was in the shape of a heart.
The gift of Teresa ripples always. And I spread that joy with you too sunshine.
Nature blooms love. Spread the joy.
Infinite gratitude, self-love without conditions
I am so glad you are here, Sunshine. Whether you’ve been quietly losing yourself for a long time or you just noticed the drift this week, welcome. You belong here, conditions and all.
My own practice this week is the same one I am offering you. When I feel the pull of the shoulds and musts, I am choosing to pause, put my hand on my heart, and ask myself what I actually need. Writing to you is part of how I return to myself too. It brings me home every single time.
Shall we keep finding our way back together, as the Conscious Wayfarers, next week? Yes, yes we shall.
With love we shine,
Jen Granger
Creative Living Coach and author of The Conscious Wayfarer
P.S. If this resonated with you today, share it with one person who you think might need it. A friend who is searching. Someone who deserves a more intentional experience of their own life. The Conscious Wayfarer grows one sunshine at a time.
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