BLOG PODS #2 - I've Got ADHD
INTRODUCTION:
It’s one thing to have a doctor tell you you have ADHD. It’s quite another for you to tell other people!
To tell or not to tell, this is the question - whether ‘t’is nobler in the mind to… Well, you get the idea.
There are pros and cons on both sides, of course.
There may well be benefits in letting people know, certainly those closest to you (tip: they probably know already or at least won’t be surprised when you tell them).
But for everyone else, it really is none of their business, is it?
Information can encourage others to adapt and take account of your condition where they can. But details of your health shouldn’t have to be disclosed to have them treat you fairly and without judgment.
And so the pendulum goes on swinging; pros and cons, pros and cons.
THE DIFFERENCE:
For me the reality was slightly different, as lots of people either had me pinned as ADHD anyway or else had heard the jokes and teasing and just assumed it from there.
That said, there’s a difference between someone you think of as being ‘a bit ADHD’ and someone who tells you they have a diagnosis.
A big difference as it turns out.
Catharsis
Having come to terms with ‘actually’ having ADHD (see previous post) I now found myself wanting to tell everyone.
Weird, right?
Well, maybe not…
I quickly discovered that there was something incredibly cathartic and deeply satisfying about mentioning my condition. While that was probably mostly about me and my need to vent (maybe?), the plain truth was that most people seemed genuinely interested to know. Nobody has yet expressed great surprise or suggested, however subtly, that sharing like this might not be appropriate.
So, while I do sometimes wonder if I should back off a bit and be more selective in who I tell, the benefits seem to outweigh the disadvantages.
But there are some disadvantages…
Disadvantages
Like most people with ADHD, I’m familiar with the sorts of things people sometimes say when confronted with the symptoms:
* We all experience that from time to time, don’t we?
* If you tried a little bit harder, I’m sure you’d get better at… (fill in the blank)
* A bit more discipline and you’d be fine - we all get restless occasionally
* Maybe if you just stopped and thought about things first, you wouldn’t… (fill in the blank)
And other such nonsense! (A later blog post or two will address some of these ‘myths’ about ADHD)
Despite the ever-widening knowledge of ADHD and the strides forward made in understanding disability generally, people still hold these views. Many don’t voice them but believe them just the same. Some occasionally do voice them.
I guess my openness has meant I’m perhaps exposed to more of this than I was before. But inducing people to say daft things like this is definitely a disadvantage.
Also, it heightens the chance that, in a fit of impulsive rage, I might punch them in the face - never a good way to win people over! :o)
Limited information
Representative expertise is another challenge that is both positive and negative.
By ‘representative expertise’ I mean that because I have ADHD, some people assume I can speak on behalf of all those with the condition, as if my personal experience somehow represents those of everyone else.
It’s positive in that people become less inhibited in asking questions about ADHD. They just plunge right in and ask. I love this - it gives me an opportunity to sharpen people’s knowledge and empathy for those with ADHD, particularly children who can’t really speak up for themselves.
I guess the disadvantage is that I really can’t speak for everyone with ADHD. I have my own experience to share and many years of professional practice, but I can’t give the unique ‘sufferer’ perspective for anyone else; just for me.
* I can’t speak for someone with the inattentive subtype
* I can’t speak for girls and women with ADHD (all of whom are unique anyway)
* I can’t speak for children confronted with the rigours of the school system now
* I can’t speak for those with co-morbidities different from mine (of which there are a myriad combinations)
Ambassador?
Having said all that though, I do think the pros outweigh the cons by a country mile when it comes to speaking out about living with ADHD.
For a start, by doing so I’ve discovered a whole load of other people in the same boat - people I would probably never have found if I hadn’t mentioned it myself.
Whilst I can’t speak ‘for’ others specifically, I can help raise awareness and empathy for the condition by sharing my own experiences of it. In this sense, at least, I can be an ambassador of sorts.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
For me, the chance to tell someone not only the facts of my journey with this condition, but to convey the feelings, is the biggest win of all.
There is just something uniquely compelling about someone who knows the facts but is also living with the challenges and the daily consequences.
I always make a point of saying how hard it is for kids with ADHD; how often they’re labelled, misunderstood, penalised, excluded and disadvantaged because their brains work differently to most other people’s. THAT is absolutely worth ‘coming out’ for!
Please leave a comment and let me know about your experiences!
More information:
* BOOK: Scattered Minds - The Origins & Healing of ADHD by Gabor Maté - click here (affiliate link)
* BOOK: ADHD 2.0 by Ed Halliwell & John Ratey - click here (affiliate link)
* ADHD Test: Do I Have ADHD? - click here
* ADHD Test: For Women - click here
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* Drop me a line here.
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© Jonny Matthew 2024
