Welcome to "The Exploration Hour," where we dive deep into the intersections of mind, body, and soul, navigating the complexities of the human experience with a mix of curiosity, science, and even— a dash of humor. I’m your host, Kate, and today’s journey is about something we’ve all struggled with at one point or another: forgiveness—but specifically, forgiving ourselves. I host this space weekday nights and together dive into the ethereal, the surreal, and the real with you all. And together we explore moments filled with heart, soul, and even science. If that sounds like your jam, give me a follow. Additionally, this space is an interactive, collaborative space where we support and lift eavchother up and share. The mic is open for you to jump up here and when we have a break in the show, I will open up this space to you as well. This space is yours as much as it is mine, so I encourage you to share your perspective because you never know who can be inspired by your ideas, questions, stories, or input. With that said— let’s talk forgiveness. SELF-forgiveness.
Let’s get real for a second. It’s the end of 2024. Maybe you had big plans this year. You were going to write that book, start that podcast, finally figure out how to cook more than two meals without setting off the smoke alarm. And here you are, December, staring down a list of unchecked boxes and unmet goals. I’m right there with you and I feel this too. But here’s the thing: that self-criticism? That mental flogging we do? It’s not helping. So today, we’re going to explore how letting go of that guilt and forgiving ourselves isn’t just a kindness—it’s science.
Let’s start with the heart of forgiveness: self-love. I know, self-love can sound like one of those vague Instagram platitudes. "Love yourself! You’re amazing! You’re worth it!" But what does it really mean? At its core, self-love is about recognizing that we’re human. We’re flawed, imperfect, and beautifully messy creatures trying to do our best. Forgiveness, then, is self-love in action. It’s saying, “I see where I fell short, and I’m choosing to move forward without carrying the weight of regret.”
And science backs this up. Let’s nerd out for a minute. Research shows that self-compassion—which includes forgiveness—activates the parasympathetic nervous system. That’s the "rest and digest" part of your nervous system, the one that helps you calm down, lowers your heart rate, and even improves digestion. On the flip side, holding onto guilt and self-blame keeps us in a state of chronic stress. It’s like your brain’s constantly pressing the panic button. Over time, this can lead to elevated cortisol levels, increased inflammation, and even a weakened immune system. Translation? Beating yourself up isn’t just bad for your mental health; it’s bad for your body too.
Now, let’s talk about letting go. Letting go sounds nice in theory, but in practice, it can feel like trying to loosen a grip on something that’s practically superglued to your hands. Here’s where surrender comes in. And no, surrender isn’t waving a white flag or admitting defeat. It’s an act of peace. It’s saying, “I don’t need to control or fix everything to be okay.”
There’s a fascinating study out of the University of California that showed people who practice mindfulness-based techniques—like accepting and letting go of their thoughts—had lower levels of anxiety and depression and higher levels of overall life satisfaction. Why? Because when you let go of the “shoulds” and “could-haves,” you free up mental energy to focus on what really matters. It’s like decluttering your brain. Marie Kondo for the mind.
Now, let’s get soulful for a moment. Forgiveness—real forgiveness—isn’t just about wiping the slate clean. It’s about grace. Grace is this unearned, unmerited kindness you extend to yourself. Think of it like a reset button. You’re not erasing the past; you’re reorienting your relationship to it. This doesn’t mean you ignore where you fell short. It means you look at it, learn from it, and then—here’s the crucial part—you let it stay in the past where it belongs.
And speaking of the past, can we take a moment to laugh at how our brains love to ruminate? Raise your hand if you’ve ever laid awake at night replaying a moment from, oh, I don’t know, 2009? It’s like our brains have a greatest hits album of cringe-worthy memories, and they’re always on shuffle. Here’s the good news: you can train your brain to stop that. Neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to rewire itself—is your best friend here. The more you practice shifting your focus away from regret and toward gratitude or curiosity, the more you strengthen those neural pathways. It’s like doing mental push-ups. Hard at first, but easier over time.
So, how do we actually practice self-forgiveness? Let’s break it down into steps:
* Acknowledge the gap. Admit where you feel you’ve fallen short. Write it down if you need to. No sugarcoating, but no self-flagellation either.
* Find the lesson. Ask yourself, “What did I learn from this?” Maybe the goal wasn’t realistic, or maybe your priorities shifted. Learning reframes failure as growth.
* Release the judgment. This one’s tricky. It helps to imagine talking to a friend who’s in your shoes. You wouldn’t call them a failure, would you? Extend that same kindness to yourself.
* Visualize letting go. This might sound woo-woo, but stay with me. Picture the guilt or regret as something physical. A rock, a balloon, whatever works. Then imagine setting it down or letting it float away.
* Celebrate progress. Forgiveness is an accomplishment. Treat it as such. Even small steps deserve recognition.
Thank you for joining me on this path of forgiving ourselves of all 2024 wasn’t. All we weren’t. All that could have been but ultimately didn’t happen. Take the lesson, and leave the past in a the past, and let’s grow a more beautiful tomorrow for ourselves. We deserve it.
To Be Continued…
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If you’re new to this space, I host the Exploration Hour weekday nights on Noom Vibe and we dive into topics that overlap our minds, bodies, and souls and together we figure out how to grow through it all. With that said, this podcast is a collaborative, interactive one, so it may differ drastically from the text in this newsletter. Additionally, this is a live interactive show, so if you’d like to come up, join in the conversation, share a quote, share a story, ask a question, or just take up space because it is calling you, then this is your stage as much as it is mine. Lets explore our outer and inner universes here together. If that sounds like your kinda jam, give me a follow, or listen to some of my other talks underneath the talk tab in my profile.
