Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang, MD has sat with thousands of people and their families in the final moments of their lives, learning from the choices they’ve made and what often goes unsaid. In this episode, she joins Jennifer Reid, MD to talk about caregiver guilt, the “burden of being a burden,” and why she treats self-care less like an indulgence and more like a clinical skill in her daily work.
What makes Dr. Zhang’s perspective so disarming is that she refuses to treat death as a subject that requires hushed tones. She brings the same matter-of-fact warmth to a hospital room at Bellevue as she does to her writing and videos about her experiences working in end-of-life care. She and Dr. Reid also discuss how listeners can start on a path to less guilt and more meaning in their lives today.
Her ABCs of Deathbed Regret
Dr. Zhang shares the framework she returns to again and again at the bedsides of the dying. It’s not a list of regrets about money or career, but 3 quieter, more human wishes so many people have spoken about in their final days.
Authenticity. “I wish I had been more true to myself.” The regret of having lived as who was expected, rather than who they actually were.
Bravery. “I wish I had the courage to pursue my dreams.” The risk that felt too frightening to take, looked back on as the one that mattered most.
Connection. “I wish I had kept in touch.” The relationship left untended, or never repaired.
As Dr. Zhang puts it, her hope isn’t that we wait for a deathbed to feel the pull of one of these, but that we notice which one lands hardest right now, and treat that as the signal worth acting on.
About Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang
Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang is a hospice and palliative care physician, certified coach and hypnotist, author, and TEDx speaker. She is an assistant professor at NYU School of Medicine and directs the End of Life Serenity Unit at Bellevue, the nation’s oldest public hospital. Having sat with thousands of dying patients and heard their deepest secrets, biggest regrets, and final wishes, Kathy now shares that deathbed wisdom through her writing, speaking, and content, on a mission to help the rest of us start living the life we truly want, long before we reach the end of it.
Dr. Zhang’s Website: https://luyikathyzhang.com/
On Instagram as Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang https://www.instagram.com/dr.luyikathyzhang
🎙️ Some Exciting News!
A Mind of Her Ownhas recently joined theLearn At Pinnacle app, so if you work in health care, you can receive FREE CE credit just for listening!
(Thisincludes Category 1 AMA CME credit and many others.)
Download the free app at the link above or at: https://learnatpinnacle.com/education
Connect with your host, Jennifer Reid, MD
Dr. Jennifer Reid is a physician, the host of A Mind of Her Own, and the author of Guilt Free: Reclaiming Your Life from Unreasonable Expectations — available at major retailers.
🌐 Website: jenniferreidmd.com Instagram: @JenReidMD Threads: Jennifer Reid, MD
Feeling inspired by this conversation? Start your own Guilt-Free Group at jenniferreidmd.com/guilt-free-groups or download a book club guide at jenniferreidmd.com/book-clubs.
Thanks for checking out A Mind of Her Own! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.
If you enjoyed this episode, please follow A Mind of Her Own and leave a rating or review on Apple Podcasts — it makes a huge difference in helping other people find the show! 🎙️
Seeking a mental health provider? Try Psychology TodayNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255Dial 988 for mental health crisis supportSAMHSA’s National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357)-a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.
Disclaimer:The views expressed on this podcast reflect those of the host and guests, and are not associated with any organization or academic site. Also, AI may have been used to create the transcript and notes, based only on the specific discussion of the host and guest and reviewed for accuracy.The information and other content provided on this podcast or in any linked materials, are not intended and should not be construed as medical advice, nor is the information a substitute for professional medical expertise or treatment. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this website is for general information purposes only.If you or any other person has a medical concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something that have read on this website, blog or in any linked materials. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or emergency services (911) immediately. You can also access the National Suicide Help Line at 1-800-273-8255 or call 988 for mental health emergencies.
