Over a year and a half ago, I wrote the introduction to what I thought would be my next book project on women who were "childfree for the common good."
Between now and then, I must have revised those 2,500 words nearly 2,500 times as I pieced together a nonfiction book proposal. With every revision I kept asking, "How can I write a book big enough to include me, a now formerly-childfree adoptive parent of three?" and "How can I write a book generous enough to include you, that is, any woman wants to be about more than her mothering status and more than her own kin?" And, Good God, would anyone buy that book?
The answer is yes.
Yes, after finding and loosing my first literary agent whom I adored (and would have absolutely tried to make my friend if she was local) but could not sell the book outside a narrow marketplace.
Yes, after turning down the only offer we received, a small advance but with a fantastic editor, because the book I had proposed was not actually the book I wanted to write. (Fuhhhdge.)
Yes, after going to a writing workshop with the muddled manuscript and hearing "we're confused but not bored." I hugged those words to my chest like a life vest.
Yes, after returning home and clearing my calendar and scheming a new funding source so that I could draw from the deep well of institutional life and maybe, like, once a month drink $12 wine.
Yes, after going inward in prayer and going with my gut on the page and going with a new agent who took three months, two title changes, and one major narrative shift before taking me on.
Yes, after sitting on the toilet and sob-smiling as I prepared for calls with publishing people who intimidated the hell out of me but proved to be genuine human beings.
Yes, after offers came in with paychecks deserving of a profession and editors who got what took me nearly two years to throw down.
Yes, after I wholeheartedly accepted one of those offers last week.
Good God, indeed.
We're still in the contract phase, but I am beyond thrilled to have found a publishing home for a book meant to debunk the myths and inspire new scripts for women who don’t have, want, or prize children like we’re supposed to. Tired of the cultural truisms that say “Your biological clock is ticking” or “Children are your God-given duty” or “It’ll be different when you have your own.” Tired of the lies that all make the same claim—mother love is a superior love—and tired of the lies that are seeding deep shame.
This is a book for women who want their lives to tell a better story than the lies.
I have often joked that in the time it took me to write a book proposal, other friends have written a book. But I’m partial to the “publishing for slow pokes” road. The twists and turns that, according to my friend Margaret, don’t so much take us the “wrong” way as they do the “long” way home. The long way makes the homecoming that much surer, and the belly that much softer.
But only for a week, maybe. Longer if you’re unperturbable. And then you set back out, one word in front of the other, to do the real work of working it out.
XO,Erin
Want more tools for practicing purpose?
Got a few ideas for a book, but not sure what thread to follow? Got a book-length manuscript, but wondering how to ace the proposal? Got a book coming out, and want to find its audience? I’m taking a break from taking on any more book coaching clients while I focus on my own book but I’d love to field your authorial questions for future #GoodforYouNews posts or webinars. Not as an expert but as a companion in crock-pot publishing. Leave comments directly on this post or reach out to me via social media @heyerinlane.
You know who is taking new coaching clients? My friend Margaret who founded Illumined Leadership Solutions for people who want to level-up in their life and work. If you’re local to Durham, NC she’ll also be speaking at Lululemon’s upcoming International Women’s Day Event on Sunday, March 8th. Get your tickets here.
Finally, if you’re longing to be a part of a community of women who is already tearing up the mother myths, join us for our next Good for You Gathering here in Raleigh, NC on Tuesday, March 17th as we take on the idea that “Parenting is the toughest job in the world.” Think happy hour meets mini-retreat. Get your tickets here.
In the meantime, I’ll be reading Revolutionary Mothering: Love on the Front Lines, an anthology edited by Alexis Pauline Gumbs that centers mothers of color and marginalized mothers’ voices. Right on.
