There's a certain shape of uncertainty that's emerging on a macro and micro layer for quite some time now. I've observed this while I consume the news, scripted and unscripted shows I follow on TV, as I speak with friends and as I engage with coaching clients. If I were to sum up the sentiment into questions, they would be,
"What if I lose my way again?"
or
"What if I drift off course again?"
or
"What if I find myself lost again?"
Further validation of this perceived reality became evident recently through some news about Charli XCX about her inner work journey throughout the pandemic. She's quoted as saying that therapy has been "really helpful" during the pandemic and she's looking forward to applying the lessons she's learned "into life when the world goes back to however it's going to return to."
And then she adds, "But I already feel it slipping away from me."
"I know a lot of my friends feel the same, like, I made these grand plans, how I was going to change my behavior and live my life differently. And I'm trying, but it seems like that won't last."
I can relate!
I was in my mid-20s when I first started going to therapy. And I went for 3 years. Towards the end of that season, I found myself worried for the future. What if I reverted back to my old ways? What if the transformation I went through doesn't hold? I felt it even more at the beginning of my marriage because that was around the time I officially stopped therapy. The fear that I had was that I would lose my way and not be able to find my way back.
Interestingly enough, I come across this during the end of coaching engagements with clients. For some, there is this subtle fear under the current that suggests their inability to sustain the next part of their journey alone.
If you're feeling like this now, here's what I have to offer:
* Trust the work.
You've put the time in. You've done the inner work. Trust that the insights have tethered and your inner wisdom will come through. While the way your wisdom manifests is 100% unpredictable, know that it is 100% dependable.
* Create depth in your friendships.
You only need that one friend who understands the depths of you and accepts you infinitely for who you are. That one friend makes a lifetime of a difference. Ideally, this friend is also committed to this lifetime journey of inner work. If you don't have this, go on a search. They are out there. It also requires putting yourself out there too. It will require vulnerability and often it means making requests. Most of us crave for depth in our relationships but A) we don't get clear on what that looks like and B) we don't ask.
* Notice where your worries are rooted.
Humans have this wonderful ability to eat and enjoy what's on our plate, one meal at a time. If we tried to eat what's for dinner a week from now, it wouldn't be very enjoyable. The same thing applies to our worries. Does it serve you to worry about what life will look like 3 months from now? There's no way of knowing the types of insights the future version of you will have. Planning for the future is a good and wise thing to do. Overthinking is another cup of tea though. Be wise in your future planning and then let it go. If something unexpected occurs, trust the future version of you will handle it.
Most of my clients are in the VC or tech startup ecosystem. They are up to pursuing big and bold visions in the world. They are often much smarter than me and honestly, it's often intimidating until I remember why I'm here. My job is to slow them down so that they can self-observe the unconscious patterns holding them back. Once they are awake to this, the pursuit of their wild dreams becomes a journey of aliveness. It becomes a journey of continually coming home to deeper and deeper parts of themselves. It becomes playful. It becomes fun!
I say this because, my friend, there is a stillness inside of you. It's under all the chatter and it's always been there. And this stillness leads you to the depths of yourself, as deep as the undiscovered parts of the vast and mysterious ocean. It is as deep as the universe. Personally, I believe this is a lifelong journey. I'm still in it. But I point you in this direction because however shaken up your world might get, all you need to do is absolutely nothing. Be still in the nothingness. Search within and go deep. You'll find home. Go deeper still. And you will find home.
If you ever find yourself lost, you can always stop wherever you are and come home.
Love.
Jomar
Photo by Andrew Ridley on Unsplash