Photo by Alexis Fauvet on Unsplash
We've all had that manager. The one that feels like they're going through the motions, or they're bored, or unfulfilled. Most of the time, they feel like they are just phoning it in. In 1:1's with you, they are not present. They are bogged down by all their responsibilities and you're just another burden on their list of to-do's.
On the other hand, we've engaged with folks who are lit up. There's a magnetism about them. We want what they have. These are folks who feel alive and in gratitude. They are on purpose. They feel aligned.
There's a reason for this. These humans are connected to their inner authority. They have found and continue to cultivate their inner spark.
Carl Jung, one of my favorite psychoanalysts; talks about this inner spark, this instinctual desire, as libido, or "psychic energy". For Jung, libido is not just a predominantly sexual experience, as Sigmund Freud would claim. Jung believes it's much more than this.
Here's what Jung had to say:
"All psychological phenomena can be considered as manifestations of energy, in the same way that all physical phenomena have been understood as energic manifestations ever since Robert Mayer discovered the law of the conservation of energy. Subjectively and psychologically, this energy is conceived as desire. I call it libido, using the word in its original sense, which is by no means only sexual. [“Psychoanalysis and Neurosis,” CW 4, par. 567.]
For Jung, libido is about a human's penchant for energy and/or desire. It's in line with his belief that our psyche, a big part of what makes us human, self-regulates. It has intentionality. There's a grand and very human purpose to its design.
Libido is like water. This inner spark within us flows without us striving for it.
So what does this have to do with leadership?
Well, having spent thousands of hours coaching founders, CEO's, US olympians and ex-professional athletes, I can tell you that what they all have in common is this connection to their inner spark. They integrate their intellectual thinking into their bodies. They are embodied. They value their instincts and intuition. They're playful. They are determined to achieve their outcomes, but there's a healthy detachment to it as well, so they seem unafraid of failure.
For many of us, we’ve spent our lives behaving how the world tells us we ought to be. We act to please our parents or other authority figures. We grow up absorbing unconscious thinking patterns so that we can fit in the world. This is a good thing. It’s a necessary thing.
But this is also how we get stuck. We fall asleep to our True Self and fall asleep to our inner most desires. We live within the boundaries of supposed-to-be’s and shoulds.
I can’t tell you how often I come across a client that feels lost, or unclear, and it’s obvious that they’re not lit up.
There’s a longing to feel. There’s an aching to be alive. And they’re not sure where to start.
God, I know this feeling.
There’s a dullness to it. The world feels gray.
And if you're stuck, you must name this space. Name the emotions. Name its fatalistic nature. That’s how it loses its power.
Once you’ve courageously confronted this part, you will, by nature of how you are wired, instinctively get in touch with your inner spark. Again, Jung believed that libido, in its natural state, has an organic penchant for energy. It’s like water and it wants to flow. It has its own intelligence and once it is given permission to come through, it will effortlessly come through.
The tricky part about this topic is it’s such an intuitive conversation that lives in the gut. And to articulate it via the intellect, through words, is challenging. But, let’s keep going, shall we?
Ask yourself or work with a coach on these questions:
* What do you ache for?
* What is your dearest wish?
* What is your unspeakable desire?
The libido is raw by nature. Again, it’s your innermost life force. In order to get in touch with it, you must go where you haven’t allowed yourself to. You must be willing to explore and get curious about what lights you up, withholding self-judgement. There must be a willingness to feel silly, taboo or even unacceptable. Freedom lies in accepting the parts of us that we’ve kept hidden away for a long time.
Reading this might feel edgy for you. That makes sense. Aliveness is on the edge of desire.
You might feel like society will shun you if you confronted this part of you. That also makes sense. The ego defaults to the feeling of safety and desire feels dangerous.
With that said, from working with clients and with my own journey, the outward expression and manifestation of desire is almost always an outpouring of love. We’re human so we won’t always hit the mark. When we are imperfect, grace will be there. But this path to accessing your inner spark is so worth it.
As Abraham Maslow said, “what one can be, one must be”. We owe it to our singular human experience (as far as we know) to feel the full spectrum of who we can truly be. Let’s experience what’s it’s like to feel. Deeply. To yearn. Unapologetically. To be in full pursuit of our dreams. Without holding back.
This process bring us to life. And it can be our gift to others. It can be their permission to bring themselves to life too.
So again, I ask you...
What do you ache for?
What is your dearest wish?
What is your unspeakable desire?
Fiercely loving you,
Jomar
