This article has been updated and republished in full on tashdoherty.com. Enjoy!
Introduction 🚀
“The challenging thing is that we tend to feel that we live in a liberated age and that, therefore, it’s especially odd to feel that sex is a bit odd.” — Alain de Botton, Design Matters Podcast.
This article has been years in the making; it’s an honor to share it with you today. It combines two beautiful things: sex (love and intimacy) and writing. Plus, elements of what I’m going to share with you have been shown to improve your mental and physical health!
I discovered these tools by accident. Like many women in my generation, I grew up trying to be a “good girl” and feeling ashamed about sex. Going to private all-girls schools, the red shoes of my school uniform were always perfectly polished. But inside, I was deeply insecure about my body and, once I hit puberty, my erotic desires. My experience reflects how many women experience shame as “unobtainable, conflicting, competing expectations about who we are supposed to be” (Brené Brown). The only way I was able to explore my sexuality was by watching a lot of pornography and reading spicy books in my high school library.
Clearly, I am missing a screw in my brain because about two and a half years ago, I wanted to become a writer. I wanted to write something unique, and my steamy stories seemed like a great place to start. But writing articles like “Why I Never Swallow Cum” had an incredible benefit that I didn’t expect. It helped me figure out what I like in bed and learn more about who I am.
Keeping a sex journal seems to be a highly underrated way for us to explore our more sexually deviant natures. Through this personal and private act that I’m going to share with you, you’ll get to turn inward and set aside all the noise and advertisements on Instagram to figure out aspects of who you truly are. You can safely identify your boundaries. You can make what you know subconsciously about yourself conscious. You can pinpoint the exact techniques that help you orgasm, even, or at least how you like to receive pleasure. While you might not be willing to post your innermost desires on the internet like I do, this methodology will enable you to achieve the same ends without anyone else having to know about it.
So, let’s get started!
The Basics of Keeping A Sex Journal 📓
* Get yourself a new journal. Duh! 💁♀️
It can be cute and fuzzy, or it can be unassuming and subtle. But yes. You’re going to get a new journal where you write down all your deepest, darkest, and sexiest secrets. Maybe you’re an Accountant, so your sex journal is just going to look like any other bland office book. That’s kind of exciting, isn’t it? Find one that you can hide easily and get to it.
Remember that this journal is for your eyes only. When you sit down to write in it, you want a private space where you can be completely honest with yourself about whatever comes up for you. Stash it where no one else can find it. Unless it’s part of your kink for your partner to discover it, in which case, go ahead.
One of my friends in her late 40s is going on dates again. She told me she recently got a sex journal, and she’s been loving it so far. It’s helping her determine what she likes and doesn’t like about her dates. In the future, I plan to design and sell a branded Misseducated sex journal of my own, with all the correct pages, topics, and themes. But for now, as one of my early readers, you’re going to have to navigate your stories yourself. And if you’re curious about what I use for my sex journal, you’re reading it!
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