“What does leadership mean to you?”
He’s a junior in high school. He plays defensive end. He lifts. He studies. He notices plot holes in movies. And as it turns out, he has a remarkably grounded view of leadership that most adults are still trying to figure out.
What followed was one of those conversations that sticks with you. Not because it was polished, but because it was honest.
Leadership Isn’t Always Loud
Major was quick to point out something important: not all leaders look the same.
Some situations need the fired-up, locker-room, rah-rah voice. Football definitely does. But not every moment calls for someone pounding their chest and yelling speeches.
Sometimes leadership looks quieter.
Sometimes it’s consistency.Sometimes it’s being a steady presence.Sometimes it’s just doing what you said you’d do, day after day.
He said something that really stuck with me: a lot of what people call “leadership” feels like just doing your job. Showing up. Working hard. Treating people well. Cleaning up after yourself.
And honestly? He’s not wrong.
Doing the Small Things When No One’s Watching
One of the clearest examples of leadership in Major’s world shows up in the weight room.
There are days he’s tired. Days he’d rather coast. Days when moving from one exercise to the next feels slower than usual. But when the weight is in his hands, the effort stays the same.
Not because he feels motivated, but because it’s the standard he’s set for himself.
He talked about how that consistency creates accountability. When you show up the same way every day, people notice. And suddenly, your effort becomes the expectation, not just for you, but for everyone around you.
That same mindset shows up after games, when the locker room is trashed and everyone just wants to go home. He stays. Picks up. Resets the space.
Not because he’s told to. Because it matters.
“How you do anything is how you do everything.”
That lesson shows up early for some people. For others, it takes a lifetime.
If this conversation resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it with someone who’s leading a team, raising a teenager, or learning how to lead themselves.
Leading Yourself First
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was about self-leadership.
Doing the things you don’t want to do. Managing your thoughts. Regulating your emotions. Not spiraling into worry.
Major shared a simple framework he uses when he feels overwhelmed:
First, list everything you know. Get it all out. Facts, fears, frustrations.
Then ask, “Now what?”
What can I control?What can I act on?What actually matters right now?
Sometimes he turns it into a game. Sometimes he puts on music to create rhythm. The point isn’t to eliminate discomfort. It’s to move through it with intention instead of avoidance.
That’s a skill a lot of adults never fully develop.
Worry Shrinks Your World
We talked about worry and how it quietly limits what you’re capable of.
If you can’t control something, worrying about it doesn’t help.If you can control it, worrying still doesn’t help.
That doesn’t make it easy. It just makes it clearer.
Getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Naming what’s real. Letting go of what isn’t yours to carry. That’s leadership, too.
You Can’t Lead Others If You Don’t Love Yourself
Toward the end of the conversation, Major said something unexpectedly profound.
“You can’t love other people well if you don’t love yourself.”
He described love less like a feeling and more like a resource. Something that has to come from you first. If you don’t have it internally, you end up dependent on others for it. And when they’re gone, so is your sense of worth.
Loving yourself, to him, looks a lot like forgiveness. Accepting that you’re human. Learning to live with yourself. Letting go of perfection.
That’s where real confidence comes from.
The Leaders Who Shape Us
When I asked him who he looks up to, his answers weren’t flashy.
A coach who knows when to be loud and when to pull someone aside quietly.A teammate who stepped up and owned the moment, even when it was uncomfortable.A teacher who meets every student where they are, every single day.
Different styles. Same heart.
Leadership, at its best, is adaptive. It’s aware. It’s rooted in respect.
A Front-Row Seat
At the end of the conversation, I told him how proud I am.
Not because he has it all figured out.But because he’s curious. Disciplined. Thoughtful. Grounded in his values.
Leadership isn’t about titles or age or volume. Sometimes it sounds like a 17-year-old quietly doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.
And honestly, I’m grateful I get a front-row seat.
