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In this episode of Character Analysis, I’m issuing a formal apology to my younger self — specifically for ever siding with Carrie in that iconic fight. You know the one. The argument between Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw and Miranda Hobbs over Mr. Big that lives rent-free in all of our heads.
This episode kicks off my new Then & Now series, where I revisit pop-culture moments I once watched through a very different lens and unpack why my take has completely changed. Back then, I was a Cool Girl™ who romanticized chaos, excused breadcrumbs, and rooted hard for Carrie and Big. Now? I see Miranda for who she really was: the friend we didn’t always want, but desperately needed. Our Mirandas are what keep us girlbossing too close to the sun.
Revisiting Manhattan in the late nineties/early aughts reminded me of how Pick Me chaos was all the rage. Back then, chasing a Mr. Big around Manhattan made for great blog posts, but it did lasting damage to our self-esteem. So much so that by the time dating apps came around, we were so used to being ghosted that we saw it as normal. We just didn’t have a name for it back then.
Watching this scene now, I finally understand why Miranda lost it. She was done with Carrie’s incessant need for drama. This fight wasn’t really about Big. For Miranda, it was about repeatedly being made to feel like cold leftovers. (Or veal. #IYKYK.) Carrie had a bad habit of blowing Miranda off for a man. Especially Big, who treated Carrie like a cat batting around a toy mouse for his personal enjoyment. Miranda was a loyal friend. She deserved better, and she knew it. Being the second choice was insulting.
In this video, I discuss why Carrie was a product of her time, how centering men shaped an entire generation of women, and why Miranda’s refusal to do so felt intimidating in 1998. I unpack friendship boundaries, shame, judgment, unhealed trauma, dopamine chasing, and what it’s like to realize you’ve let go of old patterns.
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