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Long time listener. (And even longer question - Sorry) Your podcast has gotten me through some low, low times. I'm a straight 34 F, never married, no kids. Highly driven, confident, great job, told I'm very attractive. I have had a habit of dating emotionally unavailable men (I'm in therapy: Daddy issues), and would historically avoid 'The Talk' for fear it would push them away. I have been single for 3+ years, done a lot of healing in that time- therapy, learning, understanding, clarity, and became happier than I'd ever been in my life, and had stopped dating all together most of last year because I was so happy alone.
This past December, I unexpectedly met a 43M who checked every single box. No exaggeration, the man I have been looking for. I'd never been so sure. He's never married, no kids, but many long relationships (tho some of the women he chose seem potentially emo unavail - the last was going thru a bad divorce with 4 kids and she left him). We took our time. Dated for 2 months. Things progressed healthfully, were both vulnerable with each other, honest about our feelings, matched energy, effort, and chemistry. Saw each other about 2x a week, always dinner out then sleepover at each other's place. Some future talk. He'd say many things like, "how did I get so lucky", "you're perfect". Consistent, genuine, true-to-his-word kind of man. I'd never had such a strong gut feeling about a man. He's also been in therapy for 10+ years (mommy issues - borderline mom who would use love as currency, but both of us very self aware and open about our 'stuff'). My intuition was screaming green flags.
I felt so safe that 2 weeks ago, for the 1st time ever, I had the confidence to have the Statements-Only conversation (8 weeks into dating him). He had never had a woman do that before and at first said yes, then the next morning said that he needed more time. That pained me, but I said ok. Since The Talk tho, he has tried even harder with me, made even more of an effort. And then, yesterday afternoon as I'm about to hop in the shower to get ready for our date, he calls me and breaks it off. I had never been so blindsided in my life. My confidence in my intuition was rocked. How could I have been so wrong? He didn't have a good reason. Said that I check all the boxes, that there is no quality he doesn't like in me. It's simply a "feeling" he has that there is something missing but can't put his finger on it so doesn't want to waste anymore of my time. Said this was triggered by the 1-yr anniversary of his dad's death 2 days prior, which made him heavily reflect. He doesn't know what's going on in his head right now, and is currently dedicated to a rigorous interview process for a big promotion, and his mind is all over the place, needs time to get his head straight before he begins dating anyone again.
I feel like this was a rash decision, and that I was the casualty. I am gutted, and can't help but feel that my statements-only convo was too soon and the catalyst for this. I am confused is an understatement. How will I ever trust my gut and intuition again? How could I have been so wrong? How will I ever feel safe having 'the talk' again? How can I ever trust a guy again? I am sadly holding out hope that he'll realize he was wrong and come back because I feel like I will never find someone like him ever again.
