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Happy Wednesday, Nuggets!
Today’s episode answers the letter below.
Since we’re in the topic lately of weeding out men and dating PTSD, how do you cope with the fear that the person you’re with isn’t who they were in the beginning as the relationship progresses?
I don’t have a great track record with the guys I’ve been with before. I also am a huge perfectionist, meaning self critical, and I have depression. It seems like guys I have been involved with in some way never think I’m their dream person. They always want to change something about me.
My last boyfriend was so emotionally abusive and encouraged me to lose weight, even though I was healthy. For Christmas that year, while I was a broke college student, I got him a nice gift that sent me into overdraft in my bank account. In return all I got was a Fitbit inside of a Tiffany’s shopping bag. Years after we broke up I lost about 40 pounds and I became obsessed with monitoring my weight. It was so bad even just gaining a couple pounds sent me into tears. I also had an ex who told me I don’t meet his intelligence standards.
I’m at a point where I feel like I need to accept that if I get into a relationship it’s going to be abusive in some way and I have to endure it. This is a touchy topic for me, and I’ve resorted to being single for years because any dating interaction with men is negative. I’ve tried modifying my behavior in all the ways women are told to, and still, no luck. I’m frustrated and heartbroken that I may never have a wedding one day.
My friends brag constantly about the nice things their boyfriend does for them and it makes me feel like crap. I know I’d make an amazing partner as I have a lot to offer. How do I break this cycle of feeling like a negative outcome is my destiny?
