I started this week spending ridiculous amounts of money on random #isthisselfcare products (spoiler alert: half of it was bad spending surprise surprise) and then ended the week with a huge scarcity mindset amidst returning several 300 dollar sweaters at Nordstrom and regretting my 30 dollar hand soap purchases.
It’s been a journey.
Anyways on this pod #5 (love the number 5 feel like a true professional now!), I go through my recent manic breakdown about my job, money and recent pandemic sadness. But hey, it’s almost spring! (still questioning if seasonal depression is real or we’re just projecting)
* Breaking down my recent date & needing adventures
* Revisiting joy in my job and how to keep growing in your career from a place of freedom and not scarcity (ugh! scarcity? pandemic? never heard of her)
* New goals with money (*intentions)
* Normalizing self care on the weekdays
I have been balancing being in a funny mood and at the same time randomly upset/angry mood all week.
For instance, I spent my Wednesday laughing at how ridiculous all our problems are (and by our I mean my own since I have no idea what anyone else’s lives are). I mean, there are so many people that are crazy stressed and unhappy with their corporate lives. And yet, at the same time, I was sort of laughing at how ridiculous all of our problems were. This thought came to me this week because the internet was down and it was funny that I missed a meeting which then led me to spiral down a blackhole of guilt and shame. My reality had consisted of me not leaving the space I work, play (me play lol?), sleep, eat and yet, convincing myself I was doing mad damage to the world (in my small reality and scope of things). But when I really broke it down, my reality lived inside a computer and hypothetically, my computer and internet could crash down and maybe with that all of my worries.
But there are really so many worries. And we all seem to have them which made me breathe and feel at ease. I mean, I was walking around in Brooklyn bc date (lol) and heard these people talking outside of a coffee shop. The conversation went like this:
“Yeah, I had a meeting at 4 but I had to go outside”
“No way, me too, I told them I had a doctor”
And I found it even more entertaining that we all played these weird mind games at work, pretending we don’t have lives, dishing out to our secret alternate universes our desires to god forbid go outside for an hour before it gets dark.
The whole thing kind of annoyed me. But it also made me laugh. And I guess that was life.
I know I keep saying #isthisselfcare and #isthisselflove but idk, they’re interchangeable. IM HUMAN
So this week I famously broadcasted my weekend self care routine. But it made me think, why do we only do self care on the weekend? Why is that the ONLY time we hang out with friends? I got really annoyed and wanted to normalize self care on the regular. I mean I would love to block my calendar just to cry, listen to podcasts, wake up early. So i wanted to make a running list of ways I do this already but also hear ideas from all of you. So I asked you all in a poll and here are some of your answers including my own.
* Walks in park while taking calls
* Morning routines <3
* Expensive grocery store shopping
* Working at friends house
* Hanging with friends on weekdays
* Buying expensive coffees you could’ve made yourself (love to see it!)
* Dates!
* Baths (doing a poll on the earliest bath you’ve ever taken DM me my record is 8:30 AM so far)
* Watching movies 90% or above on rotten tomatoes (LOL)*
* Sleep if that counts* (sad but LOL)
* Puzzles* (does anyone actually like this)
* Essential Oils* (rly need someone to explain essential oils to me been waiting)
* Sounds weird but cooking* (TRUE but does anyone default to lame cooking vs fun cooking cause that’s how I’ve been feeling lately)
* Good netflix show* (i’ve been in between shows for the past 2 months need help pls advise)
*DM fan submissions
* The Good For You podcast by Whitney Cummings - I religiously listen to this podcast because I love how Whitney is unapologetically obnoxious which I can relate to and also because it’s a nice break from my personal growth stuff (I mean this week they legit talked about VS and how Chelcie worked there and had to give random women hand massages it’s the funniest thing) BUT I will say sometimes she ends up talking about personal growth stuff anyways agh
* The Vanishing Half- Trying to read a fiction book but I keep defaulting to my previous habit of over-consuming personal growth content HELP
* F**k You Fund article in relation to me freaking out about my job. Side rant about this:
My beautiful fantasy fell to the ground Monday morning. I missed a meeting at work and totally went into a manic panic attack. I mean, I legitimately thought I was going to get fired. But with every manic attack comes a lesson and I learned a huge one I had been avoiding.
If you want to step into a new version of yourself, one that does not put up with BS or your current circumstances anymore, you must create a savings fund
I had been avoiding this reality for so long. Despite really seeing a future for myself that was more aligned to my true authentic self I did not want to face looking at my own finances. But guess what, money creates freedom. Money allows you to really be baller on your boundaries in work, friendships, relationships, etc. Because eliminating your fears is really where the true magnetism lies. So yeah this article helped me narrow this down instead of being blissfully ignorant.
* Your Silence Will Not Protect You by Audre Lorde (tagged NOT an amazon link bc trying to support local bookstores one of my only social causes)
Read this book while waiting for my Hinge date to finish a call he was on (I know lol???) Once again, I love reading anything that validates my belief that there needs to be a revolution LOL. Good book if you’re trying to take risks in life :)
* “New York” by Alex Dimitrov (hi russia!) I have not cried often but when I did I agree with this poem, no one notices IT’S GREAT
XOXO til next time. BTW, I will talk about anxiety and friend breakups eventually I SWEAR.
