Recently, I underwent a colonoscopy and, like anyone who has experienced it knows, the preparation is no joke. Instructions are precise: what to eat, what not to eat, when to drink the solution, and how much. I opted for the pill option instead of the drink but it still required swallowing 12 pills in a row at a precise time and then repeating the process 6 hours later.
I followed the guidelines to the letter.
Zero exceptions.
I understood the stakes. A clean procedure required a clean slate, and even a small deviation could compromise the clarity of the results. Not to mention, if you are going to take the time to do the procedure, the last thing you want to do is have to do it again right away.
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This experience got me thinking about presence: how I show up for my friends, family, and colleagues. Just as I followed the colonoscopy prep with unwavering diligence, what if I applied that same level of intentionality to being present with the people in my life? What if I treated my attention as something requiring careful preparation and deliberate choices rather than leaving it to chance?
I feel like I talk about our distraction-filled world in every single post but it’s such a huge part of the world we live in. It’s so easy to offer half-hearted engagement. We nod while checking our phones or listen while mentally drafting a to-do list.
But real presence requires more.
It demands the same strict adherence I gave to my colonoscopy prep: clear boundaries, deliberate choices, and an understanding that the outcome, (deep, meaningful connections) depends on my intentionality.
Just as I avoided the foods and drinks that would cloud the results, I need to avoid distractions that cloud my relationships.
No exceptions. Or at least strive for as few exceptions as possible.
When I sit down with a friend, the phone stays away.
When a colleague needs my input, I resist the urge to multitask.
When I'm with family, I give my undivided attention because those moments are fleeting and deserve my full self. This is especially true right now as I desperately grasp tight to those precious moments with my son, our youngest, before he is off to college in the Fall.
My goal, like the colonoscopy, is clarity.
Clarity of mind, clarity of connection, and clarity of purpose.
By being intentional to the last detail, I create the conditions for genuine presence. And just as the clean scan gave me peace of mind about my health, this kind of mindful attention brings peace and fulfillment in my relationships.
Being present isn’t complicated, but it must be intentional. And if I can commit to the rigorous prep for a medical procedure, I can certainly commit to the prep required to show up fully for the people I love and the work that matters to me.
Recently, in a conversation with my brother in law he told me about his experimentation with a sabbath practice. Every Sunday, he is experimenting with the freedom from all devices: no phone, no computer, no email, no texts. He told me that it is “partly a reconnecting to my Jewish side for religious/spiritual/cultural reasons, and partly as a rhythm of life unplugging and being more present, less compulsive.”
It was so great to hear him tell me about this. It started with his intentionality and is continuing with his willingness to try it out. The best part of this exchange for me, however, was I only learned about it because we were intentional on putting a check-in meeting on our calendar. He lives 3000 miles away from me, but investing in my relationship with him is not just because he is family, it’s like what I wrote about last week, “(I) step into every conversation with curiosity and tenderness, knowing that each person we meet shapes us in ways we may never fully comprehend.”
I recognize his version of this practice may not work for everyone. It doesn’t work for me mainly because some of my deepest connections are with people who live far away from me and we share a love for our sports teams that compete on the weekend and our love for texting each other throughout the game. Besides, being free from devices may be a form of self-care but self-care is also commiserating with life-long friends about our team and re-living the not so distant memory of the glory days.
And while his version may not work for me, my version has started with turning non-essential notifications off, leaving my phone on its charger when I get home, and actually telling my friends and family what I am striving to do. In case you missed it, I wrote about these steps in greater detail a few weeks ago.
By taking these deliberate steps, I am creating the conditions for clearer, more meaningful connections just like the precise prep needed for a clean scan.
Am I perfect? No one is. But I certainly strive to be more intentional and deliberate with my choices!
I hope you found meaning in this post. As always, thank you for reading and subscribing.
I appreciate you!
Stay curious. -Greg
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