In today’s episode, I get clear on what I want in a life partner, share why I’m doing this, a quick update on some interesting developments on my life, share 20 questions chatGPT came up with from popular frameworks on getting clear on the ideal life partner and last but not least…I share what I wrote about the ideal life partner I want! Here you go universe!!!
The 20 questions
* What do you want your marriage to feel like most days (in one sentence)?
* Describe your ideal ordinary week together (work, weekends, home vibe) in one sentence.
* Write your one-sentence intention for calling in your husband (your “manifestation statement”).
* What two core values must he consistently live by (in one sentence)?
* What are your top three non‑negotiables (must-haves) in one sentence?
* What are your top three dealbreakers (automatic no’s) in one sentence?
* What past pattern (from you, your parents, or past relationships) are you committed to ending in one sentence?
* In one sentence, what does emotionally available, consistent love look like in his behavior?
* In one sentence, what does marriage-minded commitment look like in pace and actions?
* In one sentence, what is your stance on kids and parenting values?
* In one sentence, what level of faith/spiritual alignment do you need?
* In one sentence, what lifestyle rhythm must align (health, social life, travel, routines)?
* In one sentence, what financial worldview must align (spending, saving, debt, generosity)?
* In one sentence, how do you want conflict handled and repaired (disagreeing, accountability, reconnecting)?
* In one sentence, what kind of attraction/chemistry is important to you (general, not a detailed physical checklist)?
* In one sentence, what three green flags do you want to see by date three?
* In one sentence, what three red flags mean you step back immediately?
* In one sentence, what are your app swipe rules (top “yes” cues + top “no” cues)?
* In one sentence, what are the three topics/questions you will vet for by the end of date two?
* In one sentence, where will you place yourself to meet him (apps + real life) and what is the one habit you’ll practice to become the match?
How to write a one-sentence intention
A “one‑sentence intention” is basically a compass statement for your dating life.
It’s not a detailed checklist, and it’s not “trying to manifest a specific person.” It’s you saying, in one clear sentence:
* what you’re inviting in (the kind of relationship / husband),
* what matters most (2–3 core qualities),
* how you want it to feel / function, and optionally
* how you’ll show up (your part).
The easiest formula
Fill in the blanks:
“I intend to build a ______ (marriage/partnership) with a ______ (2–3 core qualities) man, where I feel ______ (2–3 feelings), and I will ______ (how you’ll date/show up).”
That’s one sentence (commas are allowed).
Examples (pick the vibe that fits you)
Neutral + practical
* “I intend to marry an emotionally available, kind, commitment‑minded man and build a stable, loving life where we communicate well and choose each other daily.”
Feelings-led
* “I intend to be in a committed marriage where I feel safe, chosen, and joyful with a partner who is consistent and emotionally mature.”
Values-led
* “I intend to marry a man who lives with integrity, kindness, and growth, and create a supportive partnership where we handle conflict with respect and repair.”
Spiritual/manifestation style (without getting weirdly specific)
* “I am calling in my husband—steady, loyal, emotionally available—and I welcome a relationship that feels secure, playful, and deeply supportive.”
Faith-based
* “I intend to marry a God-centered man and build a marriage rooted in love, respect, and shared purpose.”
With your “becoming the match” built in
* “I intend to marry a consistent, emotionally available man, and I will date with clear boundaries, warmth, and honesty to build a secure partnership.”
What makes a good one-sentence intention
Keep it:
* Positive (what you want, not what you don’t want)
* Simple (2–3 must-have qualities max)
* Behavioral-ish (words like “consistent,” “emotionally available,” “kind” beat “perfect”)
* True to you (it should feel like a relief when you read it)
What to avoid
* A long wishlist: “6’2”, finance, dark hair, loves Italy…” (that’s a preference list, not an intention)
* Vague fluff: “I want love and happiness” (too broad to guide swiping/vetting)
* Controlling language: “He must do X” (you can have standards, but keep it about the relationship you’re choosing)
If you want, I can write yours in 30 seconds
Reply with just three short fragments (no big explanation needed):
* “I want it to feel like: ___”
* “Two must-have qualities: ___ and ___”
* “One life direction: ___” (e.g., kids/no kids, faith, city, lifestyle)
And I’ll turn that into 3–5 one-sentence intention options in different styles (practical, feelings-led, spiritual).
Clarifications on Lifestyle Rhythm
That question is basically asking: what “week-to-week way of living” needs to match so the relationship feels easy instead of constantly negotiated.
“Lifestyle rhythm” = the repeating patterns of:
* Health (exercise, food, sleep, drinking/substances)
* Social (homebody vs social, how often you go out, friends/family time)
* Routines (early bird/night owl, weekdays vs weekends, chores, downtime)
* Travel (how often, what kind—adventure vs relax, spontaneous vs planned)
How to write it in one sentence (simple formula)
Pick 3–5 “rhythm anchors” and put them together:
“We both live ______ (homebody/social balance), prioritize ______ (health habits), keep ______ (daily routine vibe), and enjoy ______ (travel frequency/style).”
Quick prompts to decide what must align
Choose the ones that would create real friction if mismatched:
* I’m happiest when we go out ___ nights/week.
* My ideal partner is early bird / night owl / flexible.
* Health: gym X/week / active weekends / walks daily / low alcohol.
* Weekends: adventure / rest / mix.
* Travel: X trips/year, mostly relax / explore / outdoors / city.
* Social energy: lots of people / small circle / mostly us.
Example one-sentence answers (steal one and tweak)
* Balanced + active: “I want us to live a balanced rhythm—3–4 workouts a week, mostly healthy meals, 1–2 social nights weekly, consistent sleep, and 2–4 trips a year.”
* Homebody + cozy: “I want a mostly homebody rhythm with cozy routines, low-drama weekends, daily movement, occasional social plans, and a few planned trips each year.”
* Social + community: “I want a partner who enjoys an active social life—friends/family time most weekends, shared hobbies, steady health habits, and regular travel we plan together.”
* Outdoors/adventure: “I want a lifestyle with active weekends (hiking/activities), good sleep and health habits, simple weeknight routines, and adventurous travel a few times a year.”
* High-achieving + structured: “I want a structured weekday rhythm (work-focused, gym/sleep consistent), intentional quality time, limited partying, and planned travel that fits ambitious careers.”
* Low alcohol / wellness-forward: “I want a wellness-oriented rhythm—minimal drinking, consistent workouts/walks, calm weeknights, and weekends that mix rest with fun plans.”
If you want a plug-and-play fill-in-the-blank
Reply with just the blanks filled:
“I want us to be (homebodies / social / balanced), prioritize (health habits), keep (sleep/routine vibe), and travel (how often + style).”
And I’ll turn your words into a clean one-sentence version that sounds like you.
Clarifications on financial worldview question
Absolutely. The “financial worldview” sentence is not about how much money he makes — it’s about whether you two have the same money values + habits, so the relationship doesn’t turn into constant friction.
What “financial worldview” really covers
Pick the 4–5 things that matter most to you:
* Spending style: intentional vs impulsive, “experiences” vs “stuff,” lifestyle inflation or not
* Saving/investing: emergency fund, retirement mindset, long-term planning
* Debt philosophy: okay with mortgage/student loans, but avoid consumer debt? how aggressive about paying down?
* Generosity: giving to family/charity/tithing, helping others, level of “open-handedness”
* Transparency + teamwork: talks about money calmly, budgets/plans together, no secrecy
The easiest one-sentence formula (fill-in-the-blank)
Use this and keep it simple:
“I want a partner who lives within his means, is transparent about money, prioritizes saving/investing, avoids (or manages) debt responsibly, and aligns with me on generosity and lifestyle priorities.”
That’s already a strong one-sentence answer.
If you want it more personal, use this template:
“We live ______ (within our means / comfortably but not flashy), save/invest ______ (consistently / aggressively / moderately), treat debt ______ (avoid / manage / pay down fast), spend on ______ (priorities), and give ______ (some / generously), while talking about money openly.”
Examples (choose the one closest to you and tweak 2–3 words)
1) Security-first / responsible
“I want a partner who lives below his means, saves and invests consistently, avoids consumer debt, and values financial stability and transparency.”
2) Balanced: stability + enjoyment
“I want a partner who budgets without being rigid, saves and invests steadily, keeps debt manageable, and spends intentionally on health, home, and experiences.”
3) Wealth-building / ambitious
“I want a partner who is growth-minded about finances—plans long-term, invests consistently, avoids reckless debt, and is motivated to build a strong future together.”
4) Experience-forward (but still responsible)
“I want a partner who is financially responsible and steady, but also values spending on meaningful experiences and travel without creating debt or chaos.”
5) Debt-averse
“I want a partner who treats debt seriously—no credit card balances, a plan for any loans, and a shared commitment to building savings and peace.”
6) Generosity/faith-centered
“I want a partner who is financially wise and disciplined, gives generously (family/charity/tithing), and plans a stable life without secrecy or power struggles.”
7) Simple/minimalist lifestyle
“I want a partner who values a simple life, low financial stress, consistent saving, minimal debt, and spending aligned with what truly matters.”
Quick “pick 5 anchors” method (fastest)
Reply with your choices for each line, and I’ll turn it into one clean sentence that sounds like you:
* Lifestyle: simple / balanced / comfortable / ambitious
* Spending: intentional / spontaneous / experience-focused / home-focused
* Saving/investing: consistent / aggressive / moderate / “we should have a plan”
* Debt: avoid / manage / pay down fast / okay with mortgage & student loans only
* Generosity: minimal / moderate / generous / faith-based giving
* Money communication: very open / calm + collaborative / private but honest
Bonus: how this helps you vet (without getting intense)
Once you have your sentence, you can vet gently with questions like:
* “Are you more of a saver or spender day-to-day?”
* “Do you like having a budget, or do you keep it looser?”
* “What’s your general philosophy on debt?”
* “Do you prioritize saving/investing or living more in the moment?”
If you tell me which direction you lean (security-first vs experience-first vs wealth-building), I’ll write 3 one-sentence options in your voice (neutral, confident, and spiritual-leaning).
Original prompt and response:
I’ve been listing to quite a few podcasts about finding a life partner, and one thing I’ve notice in common is they all encourage you to get crystal clear on what you’re looking for in a life partner. Some go the angle of , here are the characteristics you should be looking for, some have more of a framework of what are the values, characteristics, dealbreakers, how do you feel, - some tell you to look at traits of your parents or past relationships, and some, sespecially manifestations encourage you to even get really really clear on how they look, which I find really weird and am not sure about. But I’ve always found this a bit challenging. Here’s what I’d like you to do. Do a deep dive on the most popular dating books/podcasts/youtube channels, coaches that skew towards being geared towards women looking for a husband. Go wide with a large variety. From there, I’d like you to try to find 10-15 links to worksheets provided to identify your ideal partner. and then, i’d like you to put all the research you’ve done together and create a worksheet for me to do to get crystal clear on m ideal husband that can serve every aspect of dating from the practical vetting and swiping on apps, to planning events to attrat him, to what types o fplaces to go, to the spiritual manifestations i’m doing to bring in my husband. Because to be fair, I don’t know really what I’m looking for, how I want ot feel and I want to get clear. Also, if I can get clear on that, the next step is to think about how to become that.Is the pain point and project to solve my pain point clear?
ChatGPT response:
Yes — your pain point and the project are very clear.
* Pain point: You’re getting a lot of “get clear on your ideal partner” advice, but you don’t yet have a concrete, usable definition (values/needs/dealbreakers + how you want to feel), and you want it to work across apps + real-life dating + vetting + where to go + spiritual practices.
* Project: Pull together the dominant frameworks from popular voices (especially those aimed at women seeking marriage), collect good worksheets, and then synthesize everything into one worksheet/workbook you can actually use day-to-day.
Below is the “deep dive synthesis,” then 15 worksheet links, then a workbook I built for you (downloadable + printable).
What “get crystal clear” usually means across the popular dating ecosystem
After scanning a wide range of mainstream dating books/podcasts/coaches (including research-based, Christian, “feminine energy,” and manifestation-leaning approaches), the advice clusters into a few repeatable buckets:
1) North Star: feelings + life vision (not just traits)
A lot of modern advice pushes you away from a “résumé list” (height/job/checkboxes) and toward how your life feels with him. Logan Ury (Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science) is a good example of the “date intentionally / don’t over-index on a ‘type’” approach.
2) Non-negotiables vs preferences (and keeping non-negotiables tight)
This is where many people get stuck: either you have no standards or you have an impossible list. Lots of systems now separate:
* Must-haves (core values + life constraints + emotional safety)
* Preferences (flexible)
* Nice-to-haves (bonus)
(You’ll see this pattern in many of the worksheets I linked below.)
3) Emotional availability + attachment patterns
Attachment-style frameworks show up everywhere because they explain why someone can look perfect “on paper” but feel unstable/unsafe in reality. A common goal becomes: choose emotionally available partners and stop repeating anxious/avoidant loops.
4) Relationship skills and conflict style matter as much as “chemistry”
The Gottman research ecosystem is extremely influential here: it’s not “never fight,” it’s how you fight, repair, and build friendship.
5) Boundaries and standards (especially for women dating for commitment)
Many women-focused coaches emphasize “raise your standards, set boundaries, and look for consistent action.” Evan Marc Katz is a clear example in the women-seeking-commitment lane.
A useful caution: coaching is largely unregulated, so it’s smart to be discerning about who you learn from and what claims are being made.
6) “Feminine energy / polarity” schools: receive, don’t chase (with mixed quality)
This genre ranges from empowering (“stop over-functioning; hold boundaries”) to… kind of game-y or gender-essentialist. Sami Wunder is a prominent voice in this lane, blending boundaries with “feminine energy.”
7) Faith-based frameworks: shared mission + marriage-minded choices
Christian dating/marriage books often frame clarity as: What kind of spiritual mission and life are we building? (e.g., “The Sacred Search,” “Meaning of Marriage,” “Boundaries in Dating”).
8) Manifestation / spiritual approaches: clarity + embodiment + aligned action
The most mainstream “worksheet-y” version of this is Calling in “The One”, which is explicitly structured as a workbook with exercises and has had a resurgence online.
The strongest versions of this style still include real-world action, not just visualization.
9) About “getting specific on looks”
You’re not weird for finding that odd. A grounded middle path (that a lot of therapists/coaches would agree with) is:
* It’s fine to name what you’re generally attracted to (and what you’re not).
* It’s usually counterproductive to script ultra-specific physical details (it can make you reject compatible men).
* Better: specify the experience of attraction + “he takes care of himself” + “our chemistry is mutual and kind.”
A wide sample of popular voices (books/podcasts/coaches) in the “women seeking marriage” lane
I’m listing these to show the landscape and how each tends to define “clarity”:
Research-based / therapy-adjacent
* John & Julie Gottman (relationship skills, conflict repair, friendship foundation).
* Attached (Levine & Heller) (choose secure / understand anxious-avoidant dynamics).
* Logan Ury / Hinge relationship science (date intentionally; challenge your “type”; evaluate outcomes).
Women-focused modern dating coaches
* Matthew Hussey (dating confidence + communication; huge YouTube presence).
* Evan Marc Katz (Love U Podcast) (commitment-oriented men; standards; “broken man-picker”).
* Marni Battista / Dating With Dignity (patterns + confidence + practical strategy).
* Matchmaker Maria Avgitidis / Ask a Matchmaker (compatibility + vetting from a matchmaker lens).
Traditional / polarity / “don’t chase” schools
* Laura Doyle (surrender/control themes; very gendered; huge audience).
* Sami Wunder (feminine energy + boundaries; high-achieving women niche).
* Rori Raye (receiving/polarity scripting; “Modern Siren” vibe).
* Sherry Argov (Why Men Love Bitches) (assertiveness framing; culturally popular but debated).
* The Rules (classic “hard to get” rules; influential + controversial).
Faith-based marriage-minded frameworks
* Boundaries in Dating (Cloud & Townsend) (limits + healthy choices that support marriage).
* The Sacred Search (Gary Thomas) (shared spiritual mission as the filter).
* The Meaning of Marriage (Timothy Keller) (marriage theology/commitment lens).
Spiritual / manifestation-leaning mainstream
* Calling in “The One” (Katherine Woodward Thomas) (structured workbook exercises + “internal blocks” + intention).
15 worksheet links to help you clarify your ideal partner
These are a mix of: “ideal partner criteria,” “relationship vision,” “values,” “boundaries,” and “dating plan” worksheets — because in practice, the strongest “ideal partner” clarity comes from combining those.
* Calling in “The One” – CITO Practices PDF (exercises for clarity + inner blocks + intention)
* Sami Wunder – “Magnetize Him With Your Feminine Energy” workbook (PDF) (structured prompts; polarity/boundaries flavor)
* Between Sessions – “Preparing to Date…” (PDF) (includes ideals, dealbreakers, readiness, patterns)
* Foundry Recovery – Dating Plan (PDF) (ideal qualities, warning signs, dealbreakers framework)
* Relationship Values Worksheet (PDF) (values clarification you can translate into partner criteria)
* Non-Negotiables List (PDF) (tighten your true must-haves)
* Imago-style “Creating Your Relationship Vision” (PDF) (what you want your relationship to be)
* Dana Cole, LMFT – Couples Relationship Vision Worksheet (PDF) (vision prompts; works solo too)
* Lambert Couples Therapy – “My Relationship Vision” worksheet (PDF) (clear, simple vision format)
* The Couples Center – “Your Relationship Vision” worksheet (PDF)
* UVU – “My Ideal Partner Assessments” (PDF) (more academic/self-assessment)
* ACT Bulls-Eye Values Worksheet (PDF) (turn values into actionable dating behavior)
* ACT With Love – Complete Worksheets (PDF) (relationship values, patterns, skills)
* UC Davis – Boundary Setting Toolkit (PDF) (boundaries you’ll need while dating)
* SimplePractice – Relationship Expectations Worksheet (printable) (expectations clarity)
(If any of these are moved/changed behind email gates over time, tell me which ones broke and I’ll replace them with alternatives.)
Your custom worksheet/workbook (built from the synthesis)
I created a printable workbook you can use as your “single source of truth” for:
* swiping + filters
* vetting + early-date questions
* where to go / what to join
* manifestation scripting + embodiment (optional)
* “becoming the match”
* post-date scorecard (so you stop spiraling and start learning)
Download it here (note: I just uploaded them here for you to see. I did not do this because I found it a bit overwhelming)
What’s inside (and how it maps to your real dating life)
1) Relationship North Star (Feelings + Life Vision)
Use this when you’re tempted to chase “spark” or a fantasy. It anchors you to the marriage you actually want.
2) Non‑Negotiables / Preferences / Nice-to-Haves
This becomes your swipe filter and your “don’t talk yourself out of your needs” tool.
3) Values + Character + Relationship Skills
This is your antidote to “he’s hot + successful but emotionally unavailable.”
4) Practical compatibility
This prevents the slow-motion heartbreak of mismatched kids/finances/religion/location.
5) Past patterns + family-of-origin (optional)
This helps you name the loop you’re in so you can stop repeating it.
6) Vetting questions + first-4-dates plan
Turns “clarity” into behavioral evidence.
7) App filters + profile signal + scripts
So you’re not improvising when you’re tired.
8) Where to meet him + event planning
Creates your “ecosystem” (places/communities/events) based on your values and lifestyle.
9) Spiritual/manifestation section (optional, grounded)
Includes scripting + embodiment + “aligned action” so it doesn’t become wishful thinking.
10) Becoming the match
Turns “I want a great husband” into “here’s who I’m becoming.”
11) Post-date scorecard
Stops the “overanalyze texts / ignore behavior” spiral and replaces it with trends over time.
If you want a super-fast version (30 minutes, no printing)
Copy/paste and answer these 8 prompts:
* I want my marriage to feel like: (10 words)
* My top 7 non-negotiables are: (values/character/life constraints)
* The 3 patterns I will NOT repeat are:
* My top 5 green flags are: (behavioral)
* My top 5 red flags are: (behavioral)
* My “yes swipe” signals are: (3–5 concrete profile cues)
* My “no swipe” signals are: (3–5 concrete cues)
* Three places/communities where my person likely is: (based on values + lifestyle)
The “become that” step (the cleanest way to do it)
Once you complete the workbook, do this simple matching exercise:
I want a husband who is ______.
So I practice ______.
Examples:
* “emotionally mature” → “I communicate directly; I don’t hint-test.”
* “consistent” → “I stop rewarding inconsistency with access.”
* “family-oriented” → “I build family/community routines now.”
* “growth-minded” → “I’m in therapy/coaching/skill-building and I follow through.”
This is the bridge between standards and attraction (and it works in both “practical” and “spiritual” frameworks).
If you want, after you fill out Sections 1–4, you can paste your answers (even messy/unfinished), and I’ll help you translate them into:
* your exact app filters
* your first 10-message scripts
* your first-4-dates vetting plan
* a “where to meet him” weekly schedule that fits your real life.
