Wow. Online dating really does bring out the worst in people, especially me!
My two tinder dates fell through, mostly due to my own flakiness and dating hangups, so I kept swiping and tried to find a match, but it doesn’t feel like I’m getting much closer.
In the meanwhile, I’m trying some new channels and also zoom in on where my ideal partner might hang out…and/or what channels he’d use to find ME!
Here are the chatGPT prompts and answers I reference in this video. LOL.
PROMPT:
Where do handsome, fit, wealthy, kind, chivalrous men in their 40’s hang out ?
Men like that don’t usually “hang out” in obvious singles venues. In their 40s—especially if they’re fit, successful, and kind—they organize their lives around purpose, mastery, and values, not nightlife. You’ll find them where standards are implicit and behavior matters.
Here’s where they actually show up, by category—and why.
1. High-Commitment Fitness (not flashy gyms)
These men train for longevity and discipline, not vanity.
* Private training studios / invite-only gyms
* Tennis, squash, or padel clubs
* Masters swimming programs
* Cycling groups (especially early-morning rides)
* Rowing clubs
* Martial arts with lineage (BJJ, aikido, kendo)
Why: Consistency, self-control, and humility matter here. Chivalrous men prefer environments where effort > display.
2. Intellectual + Cultural Spaces
They’re curious, grounded, and socially literate.
* Author talks, book salons, philosophy nights
* Museum patron events and exhibition openings
* Classical music concerts, chamber music, jazz
* Independent cinema Q&As and film societies
* Language schools or cultural institutes (French, Italian, Goethe)
Why: These environments filter for emotional intelligence and respect. Loud egos don’t last here.
3. Purpose-Driven Travel & Skill Retreats
Not party travel—competence travel.
* Hiking, alpine or sailing expeditions
* Cycling or ski trips organized by clubs
* Writing, photography, or meditation retreats
* Culinary workshops (especially regional or plant-forward)
Why: Men who invest in growth and skill tend to be relationally mature.
4. Quiet Wealth Social Circles (Not Flashy)
Truly wealthy men avoid show.
* Private member clubs (not influencer-y ones)
* Angel investor salons or invite-only dinners
* Philanthropic boards and fundraisers
* Environmental, arts, or education nonprofits
Why: Kind, chivalrous men care about stewardship, not status signaling.
5. Faith-Adjacent but Not Dogmatic
Even if not religious, they value meaning.
* Interfaith dialogues
* Ethics or contemplative groups
* Volunteer-based community initiatives
Why: These men have a moral compass—and practice it quietly.
6. Where They Are
Not
This matters just as much.
* Loud cocktail bars
* Dating apps as a primary channel
* Clubs or party-heavy beach scenes
* Places that reward bravado over courtesy
If you see a man who needs to be seen, he’s usually not chivalrous.
7. The Meta-Truth (Important)
Men like this don’t approach everyone.
They approach women who signal:
* Self-respect without hardness
* Warmth without neediness
* Standards without superiority
* A full life they’d add to, not rescue
Your environment selects them—but your presence activates them.
8. If You’re in Europe (including Croatia)
You’ll disproportionately find them in:
* Early-morning cafés (espresso, newspaper, calm)
* Sailing clubs and marinas (especially weekday mornings)
* Bookstores + café hybrids
* Slow-food events, olive oil or wine tastings (small producers)
* Hiking trails and alpine lodges
They move early, quietly, and intentionally.
Final Reframe
The question isn’t “Where do they hang out?”
It’s “Where do my values naturally overlap with theirs?”
Those men choose places that reward consistency, character, and contribution—and they choose partners the same way.
If you want, I can also map:
* How to signal openness without chasing
* How to start conversations that feel organic (not forward)
* How to tell within 10 minutes if a man is kind vs performative
Just say the word.
PROMPT 2:
I’m also wondering where they would go if they wanted to find a wife
This is a very perceptive question — because men like the ones you’re describing do not “go looking for a wife” in the same places they go for stimulation or distraction. When a fit, wealthy, kind, chivalrous man in his 40s is open to marriage, his behavior becomes deliberate, quieter, and values-driven.
Here is where they intentionally put themselves when they are wife-minded — not just socially active.
1. Through Trusted Human Filters (most common)
This is by far the primary channel.
* Friends’ spouses
* Married couples they respect
* Sisters, cousins, longtime female friends
* Business partners’ families
* Community leaders they trust
Why:
A man who wants a wife wants pre-vetted character, not chemistry roulette.
Introductions lower risk and raise quality.
What this means for you:
Being known as warm, grounded, and discerning is more powerful than being visible.
2. Values-Aligned Communities (where courtship still exists)
They show up where behavior matters.
* Faith-adjacent communities (even lightly observant)
* Volunteer or board roles (education, environment, arts)
* Long-standing clubs with codes of conduct (sailing, tennis, hiking)
* Retreats or residencies (writing, mindfulness, nature)
Why:
These spaces reward reliability, service, and restraint — traits essential for marriage.
3. Slow, Repeated Exposure Environments
They want to observe over time, not decide in one night.
* Weekly classes (language, philosophy, cooking)
* Seasonal sports leagues or training groups
* Community choirs or orchestras
* Ongoing lecture series
Why:
A wife-minded man wants to see how a woman:
* Treats others
* Handles frustration
* Shows consistency
* Ages across weeks, not hours
4. Selective, Relationship-Oriented Matchmakers
Not apps. Not swiping.
* Discreet matchmakers
* Invitation-only dating circles
* Referrals from therapists or coaches (yes, really)
Why:
These men outsource filtering to protect time and emotional energy.
5. Everyday Life —
But at Unrushed Hours
This part surprises people.
* Morning cafés (same time, same seat)
* Bookstores mid-day
* Farmers markets early
* Museums on weekday afternoons
* Long walks, coastal paths, botanical gardens
Why:
When a man is ready for marriage, he lives in a regulated nervous system.
He moves slowly. He notices.
6. How They
Signal
They’re Wife-Minded
This matters more than location.
* They ask about your life structure, not just feelings
* They mention family, legacy, health, future rhythms
* They follow up consistently
* They don’t escalate physically fast
* They observe your boundaries and respect them
A chivalrous man courts through attention and reliability, not intensity.
7. The Hard Truth (said gently)
When these men want a wife, they are not looking for:
* Maximum spark
* Performance femininity
* Youth signaling
* Impressiveness
They are looking for:
* Emotional steadiness
* Warmth under stress
* Capacity for partnership
* A woman who likes her life
8. What Increases Your Probability (quietly)
You don’t need to hunt. You need to be legible.
* Let married friends know you’re open to being introduced
* Be a regular somewhere that reflects your values
* Show warmth + boundaries simultaneously
* Live in a rhythm that looks like someone you’d marry
Men who want wives look for women who already live wife-shaped lives — not aspirationally, but peacefully.
Final Frame
These men don’t ask:
“Where are the women?”
They ask:
“Who would make life calmer, richer, and more humane?”
They find her through reputation, repetition, and respect.
If you want, I can also help you:
* Signal wife-readiness without desperation
* Tell early if a man is marriage-minded vs lonely
* Craft language that invites introductions naturally
Just tell me which angle you want.
PROMPT 3:
Who would typically know these men? Eg high paid divorce attorneys
This is a very sharp line of inquiry, because the men you’re describing are not widely visible — they are known through custodians of trust. People who handle discretion, risk, money, reputation, or vulnerability tend to know exactly who these men are.
Below is a clear map of who typically knows them, and why.
Tier 1: Custodians of Private Life (most accurate)
These people see men at turning points — divorce, illness, restructuring life — and know who is actually decent vs performative.
1. High-End Divorce & Family Law Attorneys
Yes — absolutely.
They know:
* Who behaved honorably under stress
* Who protects children and ex-partners
* Who paid fairly without being vindictive
* Who is emotionally regulated vs volatile
Caveat:
Many great men divorce because they married too young, grew apart, or their partner changed. Divorce alone is not a red flag — conduct during divorce is the signal.
2. Wealth Managers / Private Bankers / Family Offices
These professionals know:
* Net worth (real, not flashy)
* Temperament with risk
* Long-term planning mindset
* Whether someone is generous or controlling
They often personally like their best clients and quietly socialize with them.
3. Executive & Life Coaches (for leaders)
Men who invest in coaching tend to:
* Take responsibility
* Work on blind spots
* Want better relationships, not just success
A man seeing a coach in his 40s is often actively redesigning his life.
4. Therapists (especially men’s groups)
Contrary to stereotype:
* Emotionally mature men do therapy
* They show up consistently
* They care about relational health
Therapists know which men are genuinely ready for partnership — but confidentiality means this knowledge moves only through social overlap.
Tier 2: Keepers of Reputation & Rhythm
5. Longtime Married Couples
Especially:
* Couples married 15–30 years
* Couples who host dinners
* Couples active in community leadership
They know which men are:
* Lonely but solid
* Divorced but evolved
* Quietly excellent
They act as informal matchmakers when trust is high.
6. Board Chairs & Nonprofit Directors
Men who serve on boards:
* Are vetted repeatedly
* Are accountable to peers
* Have reputations to protect
Board communities quietly circulate social information.
7. Physicians (Concierge / Longevity / Sports Medicine)
Doctors know:
* Who takes care of themselves
* Who follows advice
* Who is disciplined vs impulsive
Some doctors socialize with patients or refer socially through spouses.
Tier 3: Skill & Craft Gatekeepers
8. Club Managers (Sailing, Tennis, Country, Alpine)
They know:
* Who shows up reliably
* Who behaves well socially
* Who’s single, divorced, or widowed
Good club managers are social hubs, though underused.
9. Architects, Builders, Interior Designers
This surprises people — but:
* These professionals work with men building homes (future-oriented)
* They see relational patterns over long timelines
10. Private School Heads / Alternative Education Leaders
Especially men with children:
* Highly involved fathers
* Values-driven men
* Men who care about legacy
They know who is single and solid.
Tier 4: Unexpected but Real
11. High-End Funeral Directors / Estate Planners
Yes — truly.
They see:
* How families behave under loss
* Who steps up
* Who is respected quietly
Widowers who are kind and grounded often re-enter life through these circles.
The Key Insight (Important)
You don’t ask these people:
“Do you know any eligible men?”
You signal:
“I value steadiness, kindness, and building a life.”
They then think of one or two names.
How to Activate This Network (without awkwardness)
* Be visible in overlapping trust ecosystems
* Let one or two social connectors know you’re open
* Focus on being known more than being seen
* Move toward people who handle discretion
Men who are good husbands are rarely advertising.
They are held in mind by people who protect reputations.
Bottom Line
If you want access to wife-minded, high-caliber men, you don’t enter the dating market — you enter the trust market.
That’s where these men already live.
If you want, I can help you:
* Identify which of these nodes you already have access to
* Craft a natural, dignified “openness signal”
* Distinguish “recently divorced but ready” vs “emotionally unavailable”
Just say where you want to go next.
