EPISODE OVERVIEW
Shelley speaks with her neighbor Brooke, a 44-year-old mother who had children at different life stages, one at age 23 and another at age 38.
The conversation explores how maturity, life circumstances, and generational shifts shape the parenting experience, offering insights into what changes (and what stays the same) when you become a mother across two decades.
KEY TOPICS:
• Physical experiences of pregnancy at different ages
• The “geriatric pregnancy” label and medical treatment differences
• Financial stability and emotional readiness across life stages
• Community support systems at different ages
• Parenting with maturity and wisdom versus youthful energy
• Perimenopause symptoms while raising young children
• Generational differences in raising children (technology and values)
EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS
[00:00:00 - 00:03:00] Introduction and Pregnancy Experiences
Shelley introduces Brooke, who became a mother at 23 and again at 38. Brooke shares that despite being labeled a “geriatric pregnancy” at 38, she was actually at her healthiest then compared to her first pregnancy. The medical community did extra genetic testing and monitoring, but treated her well overall because she remained healthy throughout.
[00:03:00 - 00:07:00] Life Circumstances and Planning
The conversation explores the stark differences between Brooke’s pregnancies. At 23, she had only been dating her daughter’s father for four months when she became unexpectedly pregnant—not financially stable or emotionally prepared, but something told her to keep the baby. At 38, she and her husband had been married four years and tried to conceive the entire time, nearly giving up just before it finally happened.
[00:07:00 - 00:09:00] Support Systems Across the Years
Brooke reflects on her support networks at different ages. At 23, despite having friends, she relied heavily on her ex-partner’s mother, who became like a mother to her after losing her own mom just two months into her pregnancy. This woman helped with appointments, bought first maternity clothes, and remained close even after the relationship ended. At 38, she had her husband and a community of friends who brought food and offered childcare support.
[00:09:00 - 00:13:00] Energy, Patience, and Perimenopause
Both hosts discuss the trade-offs of older motherhood. Brooke admits she’s “a little slower these days” with lower energy levels, but maintains a young spirit and doesn’t feel old. However, she reveals experiencing perimenopause symptoms for about four years—including mood swings, sleep issues, heightened anxiety, more painful periods, and a shorter temper. Despite medical tests showing “normal” hormone levels, she knows something has changed in her body.
[00:13:00 - 00:16:00] Maturity and Wisdom in Parenting
Brooke shares how being older has made her a wiser, more knowledgeable parent. At 23, she still felt like a child herself, but motherhood came instinctively. Now at 44, she feels “a lot smarter” and approaches parenting with more intention, though she raised both daughters with similar core values. She emphasizes that while the fundamental approach remains consistent, she has more tools and understanding to apply now.
[00:16:00 - 00:20:00] Technology and Generational Challenges
The conversation addresses how raising a child in a technology-saturated world differs dramatically from 20 years ago. Brooke’s oldest grew up playing outside and doing “normal kid things” without constant screen access, while her youngest knows iPads and asks to use devices. Shelley shares a concerning story about her oldest daughter being contacted by a bot with explicit messages on a Kindle at age 12-13, highlighting the vigilance required in today’s digital landscape.
[00:20:00 - 00:23:00] Values Across Generations and Final Advice
Shelley reflects on the challenge of honoring values from her own upbringing while adapting to her children’s generational reality, noting that parents often failed to consider the cultural context their children grew up in. Both hosts emphasize the importance of curiosity over judgment. Brooke’s advice for women considering later motherhood is simple: don’t be nervous, you’re not “one foot in the grave,” and you have so much more to offer with maturity and life experience.
THE CONTRAST: MOTHERHOOD AT 23 VS. 38
At Age 23:
• Unplanned pregnancy after dating partner for only four months
• Not financially stable or professionally established
• Lost her mother two months into pregnancy
• Relied heavily on partner’s mother for support
• Scared to breastfeed, still felt like a child herself
• Relationship ended before baby turned one
• Daughter grew up without constant technology access
At Age 38:
• Married for four years, actively trying to conceive
• Both partners employed with stable jobs
• At peak physical health—healthiest she’d ever been
• Strong community of friends offering support
• More mature, knowledgeable, and intentional in approach
• Navigating perimenopause symptoms while parenting
• Parenting in a technology-saturated environment requiring constant vigilance
What Remained Constant:
• Maternal instinct kicked in naturally both times
• Core parenting values and approach stayed similar
• Young spirit and sense of not feeling “old”
• Relatively healthy, smooth pregnancies despite age difference
PERIMENOPAUSE AND PARENTING: THE DOUBLE CHALLENGE
Brooke’s experience highlights a reality many middle-aged mothers face: managing perimenopause symptoms while actively raising young children. Her symptoms have persisted for approximately four years and include:
• Poor sleep quality at night
• Heightened anxiety levels
• Shorter temper and quicker annoyance
• More painful menstrual cycles with increased PMS symptoms
• General sense that “something’s not right” despite “normal” medical test results
This stands in stark contrast to younger mothers who aren’t simultaneously managing significant hormonal changes. Shelley emphasizes the need for more education and resources specifically for middle-aged mothers navigating perimenopause alongside parenting responsibilities, especially since these mothers may also be dealing with teenagers going through puberty.
KEY QUOTES
“They call it a geriatric pregnancy, right? Which is funny and I was laughing about it ‘cause I’m like, I feel really healthy. What do you mean geriatric? I think they call it advanced maternal age now. It was really funny.” — Brooke
“At 23, I was still pretty much a child. I mean, you’re technically an adult, but you’re still a child... Now I’ve learned so much in 14 years after that. This one I feel is a lot easier and laid back. I’m like, okay, now I know how to teach her things differently.” — Brooke
“I am a really big believer in knowledge is power. So empowering us to understand our bodies more... we are mothers that are going through [perimenopause] with young kids. It’s very different. And we’re still working. It’s different.” — Shelley
“Don’t be nervous about it. I was nervous, but at the same time, I’m glad actually that I did it older. Sometimes it’s good to wait a little bit... You’re not one foot in the grave yet. You’re still young, you’re still good. And you have more to offer too.” — Brooke’s advice to women considering later motherhood
PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS
For Middle-Aged Mothers:
• Trust your body knowledge—if you know something feels off (like perimenopause symptoms), advocate for yourself even when medical tests show “normal” results.
• Recognize that maturity and wisdom are genuine gifts you bring to parenting—being “smarter” and more intentional can compensate for lower energy levels.
• Accept that parenting in a technology-saturated world requires different vigilance than previous generations needed—monitor devices, understand apps, and stay informed about digital safety.
• Don’t let the “geriatric pregnancy” label diminish your confidence—if you’re healthy and feel good, focus on that reality rather than the terminology.
For Women Considering Later Motherhood:
• Consider that financial stability, emotional maturity, and life experience can create a stronger foundation for parenting than youthful energy alone.
• Understand that your physical health matters more than age—prioritize wellness, nutrition, and fitness to prepare for pregnancy and parenting.
• Don’t let pressure to conceive create stress—Brooke and her husband nearly gave up trying after four years, and conception happened naturally once they released the pressure.
• Build or strengthen your support network before becoming a parent—having community makes a significant difference regardless of age.
For Healthcare Providers:
• Frame extra testing and monitoring for older mothers positively rather than through a deficit lens—emphasize the benefits of additional care rather than focusing on age-related risks.
• Take perimenopause symptoms seriously even when hormone levels test “normal”—women in their late 30s and early 40s who report changes deserve thorough evaluation and support.
• Consider the unique challenges of perimenopause occurring simultaneously with active parenting of young children when discussing treatment and management options.
For Everyone:
• Practice curiosity over judgment—Shelley’s principle of “be curious, not judgmental” applies to understanding different parenting approaches across generations.
• Recognize that each generation faces unique parenting challenges that previous generations didn’t navigate—technology safety, social media literacy, and online privacy are new frontiers.
• Understand that motherhood at different life stages involves real trade-offs—there’s no universally “right” time to become a parent, and both younger and older mothers face distinct advantages and challenges.
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Medical Terminology:
• “Geriatric pregnancy” (older term) / “Advanced maternal age” (current term) – typically refers to pregnancy at age 35 or older
• Genetic testing for older pregnancies
• Perimenopause symptoms and hormone testing
Topics for Future Episodes:
• Perimenopause and menopause while parenting young children
• Interviewing teenagers of older parents about their experiences
• Technology safety and digital parenting in the modern age
CALL TO ACTION
• Share this episode with women who have children at different life stages or are considering later motherhood
• If you have expertise in perimenopause/menopause and middle-aged motherhood, contact the podcast to be interviewed
• Subscribe and leave reviews to spread awareness about middle-aged motherhood experiences
• Email: middleagedmamadramapodcast@gmail.com
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