Everyone please welcome Beth Hawkes to A Broadway Body: Continued Conversations! As both an actor and photographer of actors, Beth is a multi-talented creative human being. I met Beth online in a business program in 2020, and I’ve shot with her in-person three times now! Each time I’ve done a shoot with her, she’s beautifully captured my essence as a human being at that particular time in my life, which has been lovely to experience.
In our conversation, we discuss… Where the line of body image encouragement yet honoring each individual's insecurities lies; Beth’s incredible ability to capture her subjects’ true essence; the non-physical aspects of our acting careers that can lead us to deepening with character, and therefore bookings; wearing the clothes that we actually feel good in and love to our photoshoots and auditions so we can show up present and involved (instead of worrying about how we look/fussing with our hot shorts); and accepting our changing bodies as we move through different phases of our big, beautiful lives.
Beth’s lens on encouraging her clients to accept their bodies for how they are while also honoring each client’s individual thoughts and feelings around their bodies is incredibly nuanced and beautiful. She values her relationship between herself (as photographer) and her clients. It’s clear how important making them feel comfortable in front of her camera is. She ultimately wants her clients to show up as their best selves to their shoots, and we discuss how us actors can get out of our own ways when shooting with a photographer, so we can hopefully get some pretty authentic photos of ourselves. Spoiler alert: shooting with Beth will be the confidence boost you didn’t know you needed. I cannot wait for you to hear our conversation!
“ At the end of the day, who you are authentically and the way that you show up and the energy you bring, all of that is what sets you apart from everybody else because there's no one like you at all. And so, it's one thing to be like, “Oh my gosh, [the industry is] so focused on the way that I look and all these things,” but it's another thing to also say, “Yeah, but nobody else looks like me, and that's like such a gift.” And so, at a certain level, it's not really about who's the most talented. It's about who's the guy [for the job]. It could be about looks maybe, but a lot of the times it's about energy and the way that you approach whatever you're auditioning for and all the life experience that's been behind you to bring you to this point today and the way that you approach it.”
- Beth Hawkes
Megan Gill: Hey Beth, I'm so excited to have you for this conversation today!
Beth Hawkes: I am so excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me, Megan!
Megan Gill: Of course. Do you want to start with just chatting a little bit about yourself and introducing who you are and your work?
Beth Hawkes: Yeah. So my name is Beth Hawkes. I'm an LA based actor and photographer. And I have been doing photography professionally for the last five and a half/six years or so. I started in the pandemic because, like so many actors, the entertainment industry was completely at a standstill. And everybody kind of started to think what else do I have besides acting? And photography was the thing that I always loved and I always had done in college and high school, just shooting my friends and having, you know, little photo shoots for free doing their head shots. And then I decided, well, okay, what would it look like if I turned this into a business? And kind of it could be perfect being able to, you know, have control over my schedule and to be able to stay connected in the industry as well.
Yeah, and then that's where I met you, which was our program that we did with Ashli Pollard, Square One Accelerator, which was learning how to build your business and create systems to make it as efficient as possible. And I learned a lot, and that really is what launched my photography business. And it's ebbed and flowed over the years for sure. There have been times where I have kind of let it go by the wayside and then times where I've really gone for it. And now, it's really my full-time income, which is great. And yeah. And then here and there I'll, you know, I'll get the acting gig or two and reschedule stuff. And yeah, that's me.
Megan Gill: Okay, this is fun because not only are you an actor, someone who uses their physical body for their work, right, but you're also a photographer of a lot of actors and artists and creatives where you're capturing the physicality and the physical bodies of these other actors. So you're kind of really living in this world of dealing with not only maybe your own physical body, but then also others and kind of all of the things that come up when you're shooting people and all of the body stuff around that. So I'm really excited to talk to you about that because I feel you're getting multiple perspectives here.
I know we've briefly spoken and we all have a body image story, right. But with your own relationship to your own physical body, but then also getting to be behind the camera and seeing your clients. I'm curious if there's anything that you want to start with as far as your relationship to your own body or things that really come up in a lot of sessions for you that you see just off the top of your head that you want to talk about or bring to light?
Beth Hawkes: Yeah. I mean, it feels two separate things in a way. I can really empathize with my clients when they come to me, because I would say 90% of clients come to me and when they're shooting, they'll be like, “Okay, I'm insecure about this,” or “I prefer this side of my face,” or “Oh, okay, keep an eye on my hair. It tends to do this weird thing.” And I empathize with them, but I also am like I never would've noticed or cared about that. And I'll look through the photos and, to me, each side looks the same – of the face – or the pooch that they're worried about in their stomach or something. It's not at all what they think it is in their head. And it looks great and they look amazing. I am constantly like I wish my clients could see themselves the way that I see them, which is just slightly perfectly imperfect. There could be a photo where they look amazing and the focus is perfect and their hair is perfect, but they don't like the way that their leg looks, and so they won't post or choose that photo. And that's such a shame to me because I don't think people – I mean, we all know that no one cares about you as much as you do. No one's really thinking about you as much as you're thinking about yourself. And I'm faced with it constantly in photography.
Especially when I'm editing and choosing photos, I'll be culling, and if a client has mentioned, “I really don't like the way that my chin does this,” I will eliminate some of those photos just knowing that they don't like it. And even if it's a photo that I I'm like they're not gonna want to see this. I don't want them to open their session gallery and be like, “Ugh, I hate the way that my –,” you know, even if the photo looks fantastic, I don't want them to be disappointed by the way that they look. So I do take that into account when I'm editing.
Yeah, and I also will, I have a few go-to poses that kind of help hide certain insecurities and parts of the body if they want, or that will emphasize parts of the body that they want to emphasize, things that. And it's just interesting because, you know, it's really vulnerable to have your photo taken. And I get it too.
As far as my personal journey goes, you know, I've always felt generally happy with my body, and there were times where I've gained weight or lost weight. I haven't really let it affect me too much. I mean, you know, it's tough when your clothes start to fit differently, but I'm usually just like, “Ugh, but my clothes. I don’t want to have to get new ones.” But I definitely get it because if you’re like, “Oh, take a photo of me out and about,” and then I'm like, “Oh, my god, that angle is not flattering on me personally.” And then my friends will do exactly what I do as a photographer, which is say, “What? Really? I never would've noticed. You look great.”
So yeah, it's a constant battle with, you know, wanting to help people accept themselves for how they are, and also honoring their feelings about their own body because they're paying me to capture them, and so, I have a job to do at the end of the day.
Megan Gill: Yeah, it's not necessarily your weight to carry to show up in therapist mode. Like you said, that's not your job.
Beth Hawkes: Yeah.
Megan Gill: But it is really beautiful how nuanced your take on capturing your clients is, and I've experienced it myself in working with you. Just how encouraging and empowering you are behind the camera, I think, hopefully allows your clients to show up and maybe not necessarily accept those flaws about themselves or the parts of themselves that they're insecure about, but maybe start to not put so much weight on them. And granted, I feel it does take hearing that time and time again. “I don't even see that. I don't even see that.” And then once you understand the concept of the fact that we are so hyperfocused on the way that our own body looks that, “Oh, my photographer isn't seeing me through the same lens that I'm seeing me?” And, “Oh, my friends aren't seeing me through that same lens either?” I think it's really difficult to come to the place of acknowledging that and being able to understand that sometimes our view of our own bodies and of our own selves is potentially a bit dysmorphic or warped or, you know, our brains like to do silly things and play tricks on us. And I'm glad that you are showing up and riding that fine line, like you said, of being encouraging, but then also honoring each individual client's preference when it comes to their body.
Each individual is going to have their own relationship to their own body and their own personal preference in this industry where our bodies are our business cards and the unfortunate truth is that the way we look impacts our work. And that's another thing that I'm just personally exploring this nuance of, wow, we show up and a lot of it is about the way we look, but then also how do we take some of the pressure off of that and how do we kind of lift some of the weight off of that to to free ourselves up and not put so much pressure on ourselves to look a certain way or to look “perfect” or to look like, you know, the people maybe we're seeing in the media, the people we're seeing on that TV show we want to be on.
Beth Hawkes: Yeah. That is so interesting that you bring that up because, at the end of the day, that's my whole goal with my business. I don't do headshots. I can do them if you want them, but I do personality photos, more editorial style.
So my ideal client is somebody that has a headshot that's great that they use constantly and that gets them into amazing rooms, but they want to beef up their portfolio, or maybe they're looking for new reps and they want to be able to show their real personality, you know, who they are on their best day without being like, “Okay, this is my ingenue look and this is my procedural look and this is my –,” you know? Those headshots are really useful and we do need them as actors, but you know, you're not really thinking about you on your best day. You're thinking about who would I be on a procedural and who would I be on a medical show and whatever.
My clients come to me – and this generally is what happens – and they're like I just want to have photos that look like me. I love this top, I love the way it makes me look, or I love this dress. It’s crazy. I never get to wear it. I wanted some photos in it, something like that. Or I usually hang out in a white t-shirt and blue jeans, and that's what I want photos of and that's what I strive to capture is people on their best day looking their best.
Megan Gill: Expressing themselves in the way that is true and authentic to them, which ultimately, as artists, is what we all hope to be able to get booked for.
Beth Hawkes: Mm-hmm. Yes. Because at the end of the day, you can't change who you are. And it comes to, like you said, taking the pressure off of this problem that's just inherent and unavoidable in this business. That's kind of my way of doing it, which is it's bonus photos for you. And a lot of the times my clients use my photos as headshots. They'll crop it in a little closer because they're like, “I just look like me,” and that's the best thing. And the way that I like to try to bring that out of people is by complimenting them the whole photo shoot. And it's all genuine. It's not like I'm lying. One of my favorite things is to just compliment people in real life or tell them the things I about them, and that just gives people so much confidence, and on top of me being aware of their insecurities or, you know, I'm guiding the session and putting them in poses so they don't have to think too hard and they can just settle and be themselves and listen to direction and interpret it however they want. That’s, I’ve found, the way to make people look the best on camera is when they're feeling the best, which seems so obvious, but I think a lot of photographers could get carried away with, you know, obviously the lighting is the most important thing. So lighting, settings, all the tech stuff and getting everything perfect, that the relationship between the photographer and the subject kind of gets pushed down on the list. And really my first goal, besides taking the photos, taking good photos, right next to that is having a good relationship with my client and making them feel comfortable.
Megan Gill: Yeah. It's so, so, so, so, so important. And also hearing you say that you want your clients to be able to show up as their best selves and that that ultimately helps them look the best and when they're feeling confident and empowered. And then I'm also thinking when you are looking your best, you're also, in my opinion, expressing your most authentic self and expressing these beautiful parts of you that sometimes don't come out in a headshot session.
Beth Hawkes: How many times have you, has everybody, when they book a headshot session with a headshot photographer, they go out and buy clothes for that session. With most of my clients, I can tell they're well-worn clothes that they bring that they wear constantly.
Megan Gill: Which is just so beautiful to me. Because I think it is so important, specifically as actors, to reflect that and to use your clothes and what you feel most comfortable in in your shots. And oh, my gosh, I have, I worked with you multiple times now, and all of our sessions, I just walked away from feeling exactly how you just said you wanted your clients to feel. And it does feel really good and it feels fun to be able to look at these photos of myself that are so truly me and truly, fully capture my essence that it's interesting for me – oh, I think it's so hard as anybody, but also as actors and performing artists to not get the photos back and be like, “Oh my gosh, I love these because I love the way I look.”
Beth Hawkes: Totally. Totally.
Megan Gill: Don’t get me wrong. Our last session, I think we shot in April. I got those photos back and I was like, “Oh yes, this fit? Love. My hair? I love it. Oh yeah, my makeup looks really good. I look really good. I really like the way I look.” It's hard to not do that. But then what overrode me liking the way that I visually looked in the photos was how much me, who I truly am as a person, and my essence is shining through in these photos. And that to me is everything because you don't get that a lot, and I think that actors aren't given a lot of opportunities – granted, I have also done a decent amount of modeling and I think more so I don't know in that world, if you're doing your own shoots and shooting with people like you and showing up to not just do headshot shoots, you get more time to play around with this type of stuff. But it's so, so, so important because then also if your clients are looking at these photos of themselves that feel very them and true to them, well, that's also just a confidence boost as far as, you know, maybe feeling a little bit more confident in their skin or feeling confident about the way that they look in these photos. Granted, it would be awesome if we took, again, a lot of the pressure off how we look. But also it's hard to escape when you're in an industry that is based off of that.
Beth Hawkes: Exactly. It's near impossible, but also that's what gets you jobs too. At the end of the day is who you are authentically and, you know, the way that you show up and the energy you bring, all of that is what sets you apart from everybody else, because there's no one you at all. And so, it's one thing to be like, “Oh my gosh, it's so focused on the way that I look and all these things.” But it's another thing to also say, “Yeah, but nobody else looks like me, and that's such a gift.” And so, at a certain level, it's not really about who's the most talented. It's about who's, who's the guy, who's that person. And it could be about looks maybe, but a lot of the times it's about, you know, energy and the way that you approach whatever you're auditioning for and all the life experience that's been behind you to bring you to this point today and the way that you approach it.
I did an episode of Chicago Med, and my character was struggling with – she was worried that this tumor she had would be cancerous, and she didn't know, and she was too scared to find out. And I remember when I got the audition, right before then, my dad had found out that he could potentially have kidney cancer and we didn't know for sure, and it was insane timing. Thankfully, he's fine, but insane timing because I was very viscerally close to that sort of conflict because I was like, wow, this is how my dad was feeling, is feeling. And I just had so much empathy, and I felt so close to it. And I booked it, and then I kept thinking, I mean, it's not that I'm not good or whatever. That experience, I had such a deepening of understanding that it was just circumstantial. You can't help that. I'm sure everybody else that auditioned was fantastic as well, but it's just things like that are out of your control that lead you to book, you know? And it didn't say redhead, it didn't say curly hair. It said any ethnicity, this age, and that was it.
Megan Gill: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I think that that's a beautiful example of how it isn't all about how you look, and I agree that it isn't all about our appearance, right? And I don't want it to be that. But I know that sometimes as performing artists, we can go there. So thank you for sharing that because that is so true. There are so many other elements of our work that make us who we are and allow us to relate with character and show up to this work.
Beth Hawkes: Yeah, isn't it funny though that we focus more on how we look than we do that part of it? That is so not the first thing at all. When you get book, you get a casting director workshop, you're gonna go, and the first thing you think besides your scene is what am I gonna wear?
Megan Gill: Yeah. Totally. Totally. How do we find this nice, juicy, healthy middle ground and maybe enjoying the appearance aspects of our work, but then also really not harping so much on that so that we have a bit more energy to put into the meat of the work?
I know for me, growing up in the music theater world and studying music theater in college, so much emphasis was placed on how I look. From what I was eating to how I was moving my body that day to what I was wearing to class to what I was wearing to rehearsal or whatever, that I didn't put a lot of energy into my actual work. And I had this recognition after school, once I had kind of started going down this body image journey of, “Whoa, everything, almost everything, nearly everything had tied back to my appearance versus actually taking the time to really dive into this musical, or dive into my deepening work as an actor. Which is just, it's just disheartening, and I do hope that we continue to become more well-rounded in that aspect, and to try to hopefully encourage others to place less pressure on the appearance side of this work we do. Because ultimately, at the end of the day, yes, it is important to see people that look like you in media and to see differing bodies and differing abilities in the media. It's so, so, so important. But at the end of the day, the stories we're telling aren't necessarily all about how these people look. Some stories might be, but you know?
Beth Hawkes: Yeah, totally. And also it's interesting with theater versus film and tv, you know, with theater, your whole body is on display the whole time, and with film and TV, you know, you might get a wide shot or this or that. And then camera angles, camera focal lengths, they all change the way that you look. They're like, “The camera adds 10 pounds.“ Well, it depends on what lens you're using and what angle you're at and all these things. But with theater, it's a whole different thing.
Yeah, I remember when I was in a show right before the pandemic here I had this little outfit that was so cute. I had sparkle-pink Go-Go boots, which were so cute. I had sparkle-pink little hot pants, little shorts, teeny tiny shorts and then a crop top and a cute vest over it. And I remember constantly fidgeting with my mic pack belt and my shorts to make sure that it hit the exact point and worried that, you know, something would slip and then something would bulge out when I was onstage and all these things, and it was so much noise because I was onstage in front of everyone. I mean, you know, there were people – there's 600 seats, and they're all staring at you and your body the whole time, full length. So that adds a completely other layer, theater versus, because I also was trained in theater and that was you know, it's a full body contact sport.
Megan Gill: That's such a good way to put it. Oh my gosh. And how interesting too, because yes, film and TV, you are still on display. In classes, you know, on camera, yes, you're still being seen in your tapes, this and that. But such an interesting experience to grow up in the theater world and to have experience in the theater world. Because it is full body you learn a lot of this conditioning from the industry and from our culture about your body. And because it is the full thing on display at all times, like you said.
Beth Hawkes: Yeah, and also with deciding what to wear and what flatters your body the best, all these things. I've been a reader for a lot of auditions and nobody – it really doesn't matter what you wear, I mean, to a certain extent, right? But people would come in for the same role and one person would be wearing a t-shirt and jeans, another person would be wearing a blazer, another person would be wearing, you know, dirty sneakers. I remember being like, “I can't believe how much, it doesn't matter what everyone's wearing,” because I futz over what I'm gonna wear all the time. And I’ll put together an outfit that I would never actually wear in real life because I feel it flatters this or it looks a certain way or it gives more this or that. And it's like, oh, no one actually cares. You have to be able to do the work, and they'll put you in whatever clothes that they'll put you in. And it's just, I just found that so interesting that the last thing I'm paying attention to is what these people are wearing coming in and auditioning.
Megan Gill: Right, which is a good point because that makes me think, well, if it doesn't ultimately matter, right, then why are we not wearing clothes that we just feel good in? Kind of like the way your clients show up to shoot with you. Wear something you like, wear something you feel good in that's gonna allow you to not be in the hot pants and the cute go-go boots and be fussing with stuff and feel stuffy or uncomfortable, unless it lends itself to character. Finding the wardrobe that is just going to support you so that you can fully show up to do the work and not have to be in that cycle in your head. Yeah, so important.
Beth Hawkes: Yeah. Big time. Yeah. Also too, a lot of the clients that I've worked with are moms or they had recently given birth or something, and they are constantly like, “Well, I want to wear this because my boobs are different now, and I want to do oversized so that dah dah, dah, dah, dah.” And that is one of the hardest things to kind of navigate because I'm like I can't relate because I don't have children, but the feeling of your body changing and it, in many ways, not being yours anymore and having to share it and having to make that sacrifice.
And then they'll be like, “Well, I'm going in for a bunch of these roles now because, you know, now I have a kid and things are different and I've grown a lot and all these things.” And I'm like that's amazing. I don't know, I think it's whatever body you're in, it doesn't really matter. It opens. You know, wherever you're at in your life, the opportunities are gonna come, and they're gonna be perfect for wherever you're at.
Megan Gill: Yeah, I agree with that. There seems to be so much resistance around change in general, which I get it, you know? But then when it comes to your changing body and then how that then affects your work or the roles that you're going out for, or the work that you're booking or not booking, it has a big impact, and I understand the weight of that, but also how can we kind of just lean into that?
Because I'm of the same mind as you. I think it's exciting. New opportunity! But then also I'm not there, and I am not a mother, and I do not have a body that has given birth. And so, therefore, it's like, okay, well, I can't really speak to that. But my hope is that if and when I come to that (for myself) and/or with other people who are experiencing that right now, that we can kind of just loosen the grip and have more of this radical acceptance when It comes to our bodies, which is fucking hard.
Beth Hawkes: It’s so hard. It’s so much easier said than done. It's insane, because I look at people who have given birth or they're like, “Oh, I'm insecure about this.” I never ever would've thought that, or I never noticed a difference, honestly. You're still the same beautiful person that you were before or whatever. And yeah, there is so much. But the truth is, you will never be the same because, you know, you're in a new chapter now, whether you're a mother or whether you have, you know – it's not exclusive to motherhood. It's whatever phase of life you're in, you're never gonna be the person in the past anymore.
Do you ever look back at photos of yourself and you're like, “Oh, my god, I was so insecure about myself, and I look great. Why was I so –?” or “I thought I looked so big in this photo, and I looked so regular and great. What the hell?” It's just crazy how your own mind can play tricks on you in that way. It's so powerful.
Megan Gill: It's so, so true, which is why I think having more awareness around how we talk to our bodies and how we view our bodies is so important, specifically as performing artists where maybe you're standing in front of a mirror or you're in dance class, or you're just self-taping all the time and you're just seeing yourself all the time. Ugh, yeah, it's really important to just be kind to yourself and to understand that there's so much more going on underneath the surface of what you see about your body. And yeah. I just hope that more of us artists can open their eyes up to there being a different way when it comes to relating to your body, you know, and that we don't have to beat ourselves up all the time. We don't have to feel such shame about these parts of our bodies that we feel insecure about, which is such hard work, and it does take a lot of time and effort and energy, which sucks.
Beth Hawkes: Yeah, totally. And what do you usually say? What are your tips for people to overcome that? Or do we have – I'm so curious because, as a photographer, I can compliment people all I want, but I'm like how can I go deeper?
Megan Gill: So I think a lot about how I work with myself right now, because a lot of the work that I've been doing is navigating my own feelings and my own journey in relation to my body. I think that there's this loop, this spiral that I can get stuck in a lot, right?
And I think a lot of us go there where you see something you don't know about your body, and then you just spiral from there. “Well, what about this?” And, “Oh, am I gaining weight? Am I doing this? Am I doing this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” And it's how do we stop that spiral and bring ourselves back to the present moment, back into our body, back to a more embodied part of ourselves. I've gotten to a place where I'm pretty good at being able to stop and pull myself out of that and being able to use my movement practice to be like, “Okay, we're gonna move our body hopefully once a day in this way or that way,” and just do things that bring us back instead of let us sit in our thinking mind.
So I'm trying to think, for you, I don't know if it would be something with movement when you know, you're in a studio with a client and they have the ability to kind of move around and, you know, kind of shake it off. How do we get ourselves out of our thinking brain and back into our body so that we can, you know, kind of quiet the noise?
Beth Hawkes: Yeah. Self-talk is so important. I think about that with acting, how I have gotten so much better at talking myself out of a spiral because, during the pandemic, especially when things were slow, I would talk myself into a spiral and be like, “Oh, my gosh, I haven't booked this in so long, and I haven't done this, and I have these many credits, and this person has this many, and I'm whatever.” And now I'm able to much better – because it is a practice, it's a muscle to be able to get better at being like, “No, everything's fine. You are okay. You have so many things going for you. You have this, this, and this, and let's focus on that because focusing on the bad is not gonna do anything positive for you at all.” But it took me five years to be able to get to this point of being able to talk myself out of a spiral.
Megan Gill: Yes, I can relate with you on that. It takes a long effing time, so it's not something that's just gonna happen magically overnight. But also something else that I think that could go along with this working on our self-talk and bringing ourselves back into our body through embodiment practices that work for you, but then also looking at the facts. The simple fact of if you are standing this one second and then the next second, in two different positions (hunched over or hands on your hips, chest proud), your body looks different in each position. So the simple fact of how you hold your body determines how it shows up in a photo, right?
Beth Hawkes: Yes.
Megan Gill: So I think these reminders are so, so, so helpful. And that is just a simple fact, just the way it is!
Beth Hawkes: Yeah.
Megan Gill: Just like how your body can change from one day to the next based on so many factors that are out of your control. So I think that the more we remind ourselves and /or our clients or our friend that's maybe down about how her jeans are fitting today. I just think it's really important to come back to these factual things when it comes to our bodies.
I had a girlfriend the other day who was in jeans and she was like, “Oh they're so tight, and I'm just so uncomfortable.” I have been there so many times myself.
Beth Hawkes: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Megan Gill: I was “Are you wearing a bodysuit?” She was like “Yes.” Bingo! That does it for me every time. So it's kind of like that's a fact. You know, if you're wearing another layer of material underneath your jeans, they're going to fit a little bit tighter, right? Instead of thinking, “My body's bad. Oh, no, now the way that Beth is gonna capture me is gonna be bad because I feel bad in these jeans.” It's like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's pull ourselves outta the spiral and look at all these factors here, you know?
Beth Hawkes: Totally. Yeah, looking at the facts for sure. That helps so much. The fact is, my clothes still fit. That's the fact. And yeah, that's really, really helpful. And also the fact is too, it's not that serious. It's just not. And it's really a practice to zoom out a little bit more and remember, “Oh, my god, I'm healthy and I'm able to go to workout classes and not have a problem. I'm able to walk around and get myself places. And that is the beauty of having a body.”
Megan Gill: Oh my god. Absolutely. We have to show ourselves gratitude and remind ourselves how lucky we are to be able to live the lives we have because of our bodies, like you said, oh my gosh, it's so, so, so vital. Yeah.
Beth Hawkes: Yeah. Not everybody is able to get to that – I remember times where I was really low or fighting depression, and I was really not able to zoom out and do that. And so, yeah, that is a practice, but it's also realistic to know that it might not be – you have to be in the right place to be able to zoom it out and go there. And it's just like you can't make someone change until they want to change. You can't make someone stop smoking. They have to decide to stop smoking and they have to get to that point and be ready. And so, yeah, that's the lifelong journey of this thing is being sometimes you just have to wait until you're ready.
Megan Gill: Mm-hmm. Yeah. And for going back to your work in the studio with clients, you might have a client that walks in (right? I'm sure.) who doesn't want to hear it.
Beth Hawkes: Who don't believe me or anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Megan Gill: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you do have to meet people where they're at. It's so important. But then also I think that just by nature of the way you approach your work and the way that you show up in the studio and with the people you work with, you're gonna have an impact on them too, which is just such a beautiful reminder that yes, sometimes, ourselves included and other people, get stuck in – we're under a dark cloud, and sometimes it's hard to frickin’ hard to see out of the dark cloud. But if somebody in your orbit does something that allows you to just part the sea just for one second, it could make a big impact. Yeah, which I just think is lovely.
Beth Hawkes: Totally. Thank you for those such kind words. I appreciate it. Because that's all I want. I remember before I really – I was thinking about starting my business, but I hadn't really gotten it off the ground yet, and I booked a photo shoot for exactly the kind of thing that I provide for my clients. I wanted to try and find a photographer that's gonna do what I wanted to, and because I also needed photos. And so, I booked this photographer, and she was completely silent behind the camera and just didn't give me any direction. And I remember I was so excited for this photoshoot. I came in with all these cute outfits, and as the session wore on, I was starting to really question myself because I wasn't getting any sort of direction or feedback. I remember just feeling so insecure and not feeling myself or grounded or any of that, and I was like I never ever want my clients to feel that way when they're shooting with me because, again, it's, it's not that serious. We're just taking pictures. You know, we're all in a frickin’ floating rock in the sky or in space. It's not that serious. We don't have to hang onto these things with an iron grip. When you start to loosen your grip and just breathe and show up authentically, that is where I see differences in how sessions come out. When there's somebody hanging on and really having a hard time relinquishing control and accepting the fact that they are gonna be captured the way that they are today. The difference between that and the people that show up and are like, “Whatever you want! I'm good. I really love this dress. I love this pose. I want to get kind of this stuff. But other than that, take it away,” you know, “I'm good,” those shoots are the ones where you can just feel they come out really special. It's almost like the light hits them differently. It's very interesting. It's crazy. The amount of editing I have to do is less. The way that they absorb the light is different. It's so interesting. Yeah, and also those people that are comfortable enough to take some risks and try a different pose, try something weird, that's where you get the really special photos.
Megan Gill: I love that. Thanks for sharing that, Beth. I have one last question for you before we wrap up. I'm wondering what your favorite thing or things about your body is? It can be physical, non-physical, a combination of both. Whatever strikes you.
Beth Hawkes: My favorite thing about my body. That's such a great question. I think my favorite thing about my body is kind of two-pronged, they kind of tie in. The first is my strength. I've been lifting the last year-and-a-half, two years. To be able to feel strong and lift heavy things and use it in my day-to-day life, and lifting heavy things on top of the fridge or pulling out heavy photography equipment or being able to get into different positions to get a shot, all those things, that's one of my favorite things about my body. And also the way that I move through space, the way that I wear clothes and move through space, I really like that about my body. I love clothes, I love fashion, I love style, and I find a lot of it is the way that you wear them, not necessarily the garments themselves, but how you wear them. And I wear my clothes and my clothes don't wear me.
Megan Gill: Yeah. Oof, I love that. Thank you so much for sharing.
Beth Hawkes: Thank you so much for having me, Megan. This was amazing.
Megan Gill: Of course! Thank you for coming to chat with me today.
Beth Hawkes: I just love all the work that you're doing and I think it's really important, and you should be so, so proud of yourself.
Megan Gill: Well, don't make me cry, Beth! Thank you. And same back to you. Truly. I'm so glad. That LA has you photographing them, and I can't wait for more and more artists to shoot with you and be able to have the experience of having more of their true essence captured on camera.
Beth Hawkes: Thank you!
“ When you start to loosen your grip and just breathe and show up authentically, like that is where I see differences in how sessions come out. When there's somebody hanging on and really having a hard time relinquishing control and accepting the fact that they are gonna be captured the way that they are today, the difference between that and the people that show up and are like, “Whatever you want! I'm good! I really love this dress, I love this pose. I wanna get kind of this stuff. But other than that, take it away. You know, like, I'm good,” those shoots are the ones where you can just feel they come out really special. It's almost like the light hits them differently. It's very interesting. It's crazy the amount of editing I have to do is less. The way that they absorb the light is different. It's so interesting. Yeah. And also those people that are comfortable enough to take some risks and try a different pose, try something weird, that's where you get the really special photos.”
- Beth Hawkes
Beth Hawkes is an LA based actor, photographer, and founder of Mariposa Pictures. As a photographer, Beth specializes in capturing authentic portraits of actors and creatives in ways that feel honest yet editorial and round out their materials to "make you look famous before you are". Beth set out to fill a hole in the market by making editorial-style photography accessible to working-class actors to help elevate their materials in a time where PR and marketing yourself is becoming more important than ever.
On the acting side, Beth is a graduate of the School of Drama at UNCSA and has been seen in Chicago Med, Marvel's Runaways, Liza on Demand with Liza Koshy, and on stage at The Old Globe and Geffen Playhouse in various productions. Beth knows firsthand what it means to be on both sides of the camera, which gives her a unique perspective on building a creative career, juggling running a business while also chasing her dreams, and staying inspired in an industry full of highs and lows.
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* It can be easy to feel alone on your journey of existing in a body. I welcome the connection and support of one another in this space through considerate and curious comments.
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While I’m not a licensed therapist, registered dietician, or medical health professional and cannot speak to body image topics from a clinical, trauma-informed place, I am an expert of lived experience. I’m an academic of my own body, and I’m passionate about facilitating conversations with other humans about their relationships with their bodies. I believe it’s important to continue conversations about healthy body image in creative spaces as a means to heal individuals as well as the collective whole. But just know the information presented in this medium is not professional mental health advice or medical advice, and any questions or concerns you have should always be directed to your health providers.
