Welcome back to TRUE ASSASSINS, the only podcast brave enough to dive headfirst into the deliciously dark world of professional... eliminators! This week, we've got a double dose of deadly decisions ripped straight from the pages of Orlando Madsbrine's shocking bestseller, TRUE KILL! Trust us, folks, these tales are so twisted, they'll leave you craving more... or maybe just craving a really good therapist.
Episode Title: Baked to Death and Foundation of Fear
Get ready for a sugar rush gone horribly, hilariously wrong in our first segment, "Bitter Finish"! Meet Evelyn, the queen of confections, the buttercream boss lady who ruled her small town with an iron spatula and a secret ingredient: cyanide! This wasn't your grandma's bake sale, folks. Evelyn was serving up slices of sweet revenge, one poisoned pastry at a time. Her latest victim-to-be? Some nosy newcomer with a rival bakery who just couldn't mind her own business. Evelyn whipped up a death-by-deliciousness cake, a delicate sponge with a jammy surprise that would make anyone's heart stop... literally. But karma, as they say, is a batch. Our sweet-toothed assassin, in a moment of late-night weakness, decided to sample her own deadly creation. Oops! Turns out, a mislabeled box led to a truly tragic (and let's be honest, kind of funny) case of mistaken identity. One minute she's enjoying a sugary sliver, the next she's tasting the bitter end of her own recipe. Talk about a kitchen nightmare! They found her surrounded by cake crumbs, the ultimate ironic garnish on her own demise.
Then, just when you thought things couldn't get any more darkly delightful, we slather you with "Fatal Beauty"! Step into the glamorous yet gruesome world of Sofia, the celebrity makeup artist who could make you look drop-dead gorgeous... permanently. Her secret weapon? A line of cosmetics laced with enough poison to make Snow White's stepmother jealous. Sofia was bumping off social climbers and fading stars with a flick of her wrist and a dab of deadly foundation. Her MO was genius: blend in, beautify, and bye-bye! Tonight's target? An aging actress desperately clinging to her youth. But in a whirlwind of VIP clients and last-minute touch-ups, Sofia got her brushes crossed. In a rush to look her own flawless best, she reached for what she thought was her regular foundation... but it was the special, extra-strength, "sayonara, see you never" formula. One smooth application later, and Sofia realized she'd painted her own face with death. No amount of concealer could hide that mistake! They found her among her glittering tools, a victim of her own lethal artistry. It's a tragic tale of beauty gone bad, proving that sometimes, the deadliest look is the one you accidentally give yourself.
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