Sudden loss is a shockwave. One moment, life is intact. The next, you're standing in the rubble—stunned, shattered, and searching for air.
Everything can feel surreal in those first days, weeks, or even months. Like you're watching life happen through thick glass. You go to bed praying it was all just a horrible nightmare. You wake up, and for a second, you think maybe it was just a nightmare. But the truth comes crashing back in: it’s real. They're gone. And you're still here.
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This is the “white knuckle” phase of grief.When the goal isn’t healing, or even coping.It’s just holding on.
If that’s where you are right now, I want you to know: you’re not doing it wrong. You’re grieving. And while there’s no map for this terrain, there are steps you can take, small, sacred steps—that begin to carry you from survival toward healing.
Here are three.
1. Hold On. Just Hold On.
In the earliest moments of sudden loss, your body and soul are in shock. Everything feels off. Food doesn’t taste right. You forget whether you drank water. Sleep, if it comes at all, is broken and strange. And your mind… your mind keeps spinning, trying to understand something it was never meant to understand. That intrusive thought keeps coming back in, “They really died.”
In this phase, your job isn’t to “move on” or “stay positive.”Your only job is to survive the moment you’re in.
Eat something. Drink water. Rest when you can. Don’t worry about next year, next month, or even next week. Think hour to hour. Minute to minute, if that’s all you can manage.
This is how we begin healing: by staying alive inside the pain.
2. Trust That the Connection Isn’t Gone—It’s Just Changed
When someone you love dies suddenly, it feels like the connection has been cut. It is as if the thread tying you to them has snapped, leaving you floating in an empty space. But what if it’s still there, just in a different form?
Many people report “signs”—small, mysterious moments that feel like their loved one is near. A song on the radio. A feather. A flickering light. A vivid dream. These aren’t your imagination running wild. These are echoes of a love that hasn’t ended. I’ve experienced these myself. I’ve interviewed dozens of people who have. Do not let anyone tell you these are just coincidences.
Love doesn’t stop at death. It shifts dimensions.
As human beings, we are hybrid creatures—we are the body and the ego and the higher self: the soul and the spirit. We grow deeply fond of our loved ones' bodies because that’s how they express themselves to us. That body smiled, laughed, hugged, and looked into our eyes. When the body ceases to function, the person isn’t gone, but we must look elsewhere for their expression.
If you're open to it, those signs can become a lifeline, a way to stay tethered in the storm. And over time, they can evolve into a new kind of relationship that doesn’t rely on physical presence to be real.
3. Let Yourself Be Held (Even If You Don’t Want To Talk)
Grief isolates. Even when others try to help, it’s easy to feel like no one gets it. And honestly, they probably don't unless they’ve walked this road. But you still don’t have to carry this alone.
Whether it’s a trusted friend who can sit with you in silence, a support group where your grief is mirrored, or a guide who understands what this journey looks like—it matters that you’re held.
You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to be “strong.” You just have to show up as you are.
Final Words
There’s no easy path through sudden loss.But there is a path, and the first step is often the hardest. You might not even be there yet. Remember the prayer of the man to whom Jesus said anything was possible if he believed. The man said, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” That man is me. I could not believe healing was possible. But I could pray that prayer. Just believe that maybe one day you can believe.
If you’re in the white-knuckle phase, you’re not alone. Just keep breathing. Keep holding on. When you're ready to reach out, I’ll be here.
👉 If your heart is whispering that there might be more to this story—more to your connection, more to this grief—stay open. The next step might be closer than you think.
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