When the Sacred Becomes a Source of Pain
What happens when the very place that promises salvation becomes the source of your deepest wounds?
For many of us, religion was our first introduction to love, purpose, and community. But for others—including myself—it also came with emotional wounds that ran deep. Guilt. Shame. Fear. The message that we were broken from the start.
This is what I explore in this episode of the Grief 2 Growth podcast, where I sit down with Dr. Maurice “Dr. Moe” Turmel, a spiritual psychologist, musician, and author of Breaking the Spell of Religion. We talk about religious trauma—what it is, how it shows up in our lives, and what it looks like to begin healing from it.
If you’ve ever wrestled with the feeling that you were never good enough for God, or that questioning your beliefs meant risking your soul, this conversation is for you.
Dr. Moe and I both grew up in deeply religious households. And we both had to go through the difficult, emotional process of deconstructing those belief systems—so we could finally learn to trust ourselves again.
What I Learned About Religious Trauma
Religious trauma isn’t always talked about, but it’s real—and it leaves a lasting impact.
It goes beyond disagreements with doctrine. It’s what happens when spiritual teachings create emotional and psychological harm. It's the shame that tells you you're unworthy, the fear that keeps you silent, and the constant anxiety about punishment or not measuring up.
In our conversation, Dr. Moe shared how his Catholic upbringing made him feel defective from birth. I could relate. I was raised in a Pentecostal tradition where I was told, “God loves you, but He can’t stand to look at you—unless He looks through the blood of Jesus.”
That kind of message shapes your identity in painful ways. You start to believe you’re inherently bad. That your emotions can't be trusted, that joy is suspicious, and desire is dangerous.
It can take decades to even realize that what you went through was trauma—because it was dressed up as love.
The High Cost of Silencing Your Inner Voice
One of the things Dr. Moe said that really stuck with me was this:
“We were taught not to trust ourselves. Not to trust our own feelings.”
That hit hard.
I spent years afraid of my own inner world. I was trained to believe my emotions were deceitful and that I had to filter everything through doctrine. Even well into adulthood, I battled depression and daily panic attacks—despite being a committed Christian, doing everything “right.”
It wasn’t until I worked with a Christian counselor that I started peeling back the layers. I realized how much shame I was carrying from childhood. Shame that was spiritualized. Shame had become part of my core identity.
If you’ve ever questioned your worth, doubted your instincts, or lived in fear of disappointing a God who already called you broken, I want you to know that you’re not alone. And it’s not your fault.
That Moment When You Start to Question
Healing always starts with questioning. Quietly at first. Then louder.
For Dr. Moe, it began in his twenties, after a divorce. He turned to psychology books for comfort—Carl Rogers, Norman Vincent Peale—and discovered a new language for emotions and inner healing. It opened his eyes to just how deeply conditioned he had been.
For me, it happened when I read How to Quit Church Without Quitting God. That title alone gave me permission to imagine a life where I didn’t have to walk away from my spirituality—but I could walk away from what was hurting me.
That’s the thing most of us wrestle with. We think we have to give up God in order to stop hurting. But what we really need to give up is the version of God that hurts us.
As Dr. Moe said in our conversation:
“I realized I had been programmed to live in shame and fear—but I could choose another path.”
And so can you.
Healing the Inner Child
When my counselor told me I needed to grieve my childhood, I didn’t understand at first. I had a roof over my head. I had food. I had church. What was there to grieve?
But then I realized—what I didn’t have was emotional safety. I didn’t feel unconditionally loved. I was taught to fear hell more than I was encouraged to love myself.
Dr. Moe talked about this in the episode, too. The concept of original sin, he said, is “a crime against humanity.” It tells children they’re broken from birth. And if you grow up believing that, how do you ever truly learn to love yourself?
Inner child work helped both of us reconnect with the parts of ourselves we had long silenced. It’s not always easy—but it’s essential. Whether it’s through journaling, therapy, music, or quiet reflection, healing that wounded child is one of the most sacred things you can do.
You don’t need to be “fixed.” You need to be heard. Loved. Held.
Finding Spirituality Beyond Religion
For years, I thought leaving church meant abandoning God. That’s what I had been taught—that if you step outside the boundaries of doctrine, you’re stepping into darkness.
But what I’ve discovered—and what Dr. Moe affirms—is that you can leave religion and still nurture a beautiful, personal spirituality.
“We are spiritual beings on a human journey,” he said. “You don’t need a book or an institution to tell you that.”
Dr. Moe turned to music—writing and recording deeply spiritual songs that help people reconnect with their souls. For me, it’s been a journey of exploring metaphysical ideas, connecting with people across belief systems, and listening to my own heart.
I still believe in something greater. I believe in the soul. I believe in divine love. But I’ve let go of the fear-based version of God I was handed as a child.
“Jesus said the kingdom is within,” Dr. Moe reminded me. “And for me as a psychologist, that was everything.”
You don’t need to be told how to connect with the Divine. You already know how. It’s in you.
Why This Healing Matters for the Future
Dr. Moe and I both came to the same realization: healing our religious trauma isn’t just for us. It’s for our children, and their children.
When we heal, we break generational cycles of shame and fear. We create homes where kids are free to feel, question, and explore. We model a spirituality based on love, not fear. I did my best to spare my girls from my trauma. When a church we went to shamed my daughter, Kayla for being a “sinner”, we took them out shortly after that.
“I want my children to love themselves,” Dr. Moe said. “That’s how we raise emotionally healthy humans.”
I want that too.
It’s not enough to deconstruct. We have to rebuild something better. A spirituality rooted in compassion, curiosity, and wholeness.
That’s how we change the world.
Key Takeaways
* Religious trauma is real—and it affects how we see ourselves, our emotions, and God.
* You are not broken. You were conditioned.
* You’re allowed to question—and you’re allowed to leave.
* Your inner child deserves love and safety.
* Spirituality can live outside religion—and still be beautiful.
* You are worthy. You are whole. You are divine.
💬 Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
Have you experienced religious trauma? What did you have to unlearn to start healing?
I’d love to hear your story.
👇 Leave a comment below and share your thoughts—your voice could help someone else feel seen.
🔁 If this piece resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs it. Whether they're just beginning to question their beliefs or well along their healing journey, this might be exactly what they need today.
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