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Happy holidays! I hope 2021 has been a sober, positive spiritual journey for you. It certainly has been for me.
Which brings me to the idea that I don’t want to flush it all down the toilet with terrible behaviors around the upcoming holidays as I navigate a minivan full of kids and crap all over the East Coast.
So with that in mind, I put together a small list of things I’m planning on doing to stay sober—and sane—this holiday season. I tried to avoid the basics that everybody should know (get to a meeting, pray, meditate, call sober friends, etc.).
—1. WEAPONIZE PRAYER
I had a recent project that was eating me up inside and burning through my spiritual gas tank—I remember feeling like my tank was similar to the electricity meter in Christmas Vacation when the Griswolds turn on the lights outside and the energy being burned skyrockets. One thing I decided to do was promise myself that every time I thought about that project, I also had to say a five-second prayer where I simply said, “Hey higher power, I’m struggling with this thing right now. Please walk with me as I struggle with it.” It wasn’t one of those Staples “Easy” buttons where the issue disappeared immediately, but I found that by pairing those two things up, I felt better. I felt grounded. A little calmer. A little more clear-headed. Basically, it gave me a slightly better perspective. And by doing it over and over again, it kept me in that place, rather than letting my brain run wild.
—2. GIVE A GOOD TIP
This isn’t necessarily specific to sobriety. I highly recommend some kind of daily service over the holidays (even when service benefits others quite a bit, I find that it actually probably benefits me more than anybody else). And I’m using service broadly, so I am not just saying chair a meeting or take a greeter commitment at the alcathon. I have really been enjoying tipping people who don’t usually get tips—cashiers at Walgreens, the drive-through people at McDonald’s, etc. I have been especially thankful for the people who don’t usually get tips and still have busted their asses through a pandemic making minimum wage or close to it… I can’t even describe you the looks on their faces when I get an $12 Burger King order and tell the lady to keep $8. Put it this way: They’re very grateful.
—3. WRITE DOWN YOUR SPECIFIC GOALS, AND SHARE THEM WITH SOMEONE
Don’t just tell yourself you want to pray and meditate more during the holidays. Write it down and tell a sober friend to hold you accountable every day. So if you want to meditate 10 minutes every day, actually write it down on a piece of paper—don’t ask me why it’s slightly different if you write it down; it just is—and then ask a trusted sober buddy to hold your feet to the fire. Promise a text exchange every morning whether you did it or not.
—4. SCHEDULE A SOBER HALFTIME
If you’re going to Uncle Jim Bob’s house on Christmas and you know he’s going to try to again convince you that the Earth is flat and so is the moon… book yourself a sober halftime show. By that, I mean if you know you’re going to Uncle Jim Bob’s house from 4 pm to 6 pm for dinner, schedule a trusted sober friend to call you at 5 pm. Kindly excuse yourself from the flat moon presentation and step outside for a five-minute spiritual boost.
—5. KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR SOBER SAVINGS ACCOUNT
One of my biggest mistakes I continue to make is over-investment. I want to be a good friend and sibling and neighbor, but there’s a point where I am pouring too much time, thought and energy into something or someone. In the case of Uncle Jim Bob, I routinely think it is my duty to try to set the record straight and correct whatever silly stuff he’s spewing.
But here’s the truth: I am actually rarely asked for my opinion (seriously, the next 10 times you say something that includes your opinion, count the number of times where you had actually been asked for your opinion. In my experience, that number is always about 10 percent, perhaps lower. It’s quite surprising how often I feel the need to give you my thoughts despite not being asked for them). And in the rare case where I am asked for my opinion, I find that it rarely changes anything. If somebody tells you a restaurant sucks and asks for your opinion, and you love it, do you really think arguing that out is going to convince that person the restaurant is good and they won’t get food poisoning again? Prolly not.
Back to my original point about the sober savings account: Every time I get invested in somebody else’s business, it drains my account a little bit. The holidays present perfect opportunities to go bankrupt because you’re often catching up with people and they’re telling you all the ups and downs of their lives. Most of the time, we end up zeroing in on the downs, and I find myself getting sucked into trying to fix stuff I can’t fix or shouldn’t even be trying to fix. Yes, someone needs to shovel out Uncle Jim Bob’s outhouse and perhaps replace it. But does it really have to be me?
—6. BE A COIN-CARRYING MEMBER OF RECOVERY
This is my favorite one. If you’re sober today, congratulations—why not celebrate as the year winds down? That’s why I carry my most recent anniversary coin in my pocket. They’re just big enough that every time I reach into my pocket, my hand hits it and I am reminded of the single biggest thing I am grateful for… my sobriety. And the holidays can be stressful, so why not make your most recent anniversary coin a sober person’s version of a stress ball? I don’t care if you have 24 hours or 24 months or 24 years, you worked your ass off to get that chip. So when Uncle Jim Bob starts talking about how the government is hiding how ocean waves ACTUALLY work, you can slip your hand into your pocket, give that sober chip a squeeze and feel some gratitude before your mind is blown about what the Illuminati has been hiding about tidal forces.
ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT JOKE OF THE DAY
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
Alcoholics seem to burn their bridges in front of them.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, October of 2006, from Don S. of Burlington, CT)
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