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I have been getting asked quite a bit for my thoughts on Tiger Woods, which any sober person can tell you is a common thing when a famous person gets into trouble and drugs and alcohol are involved.
As usual, I would say the same basic thing that I do about all people who might or might not have drug or alcohol issues: I don’t know. I don’t know if anybody else is an addict or alcoholic. I don’t know if they need help. I don’t know if they drink or drug because they were treated like crap as a kid, or if nobody paid attention to them when they were in high school, or any other reason why anybody becomes an addict. Hell, I’m not sure how or why I became an alcoholic. How am I going to assess somebody else’s addiction issues?
OK, now that I am done clearing my throat, a few thoughts:
—I was sad when I heard the news that he had rolled his car and gotten arrested for a DUI. It seems like most of my recovery friends felt the same way, and most of my non-addict friends were more fired up that he continues to drive after multiple accidents related to intoxication. “Why doesn’t he just hire a driver?” is something I heard a lot.
That’s a fair question. Anybody who is rolling cars every few years ought to be getting asked about not driving any more, with or without substances possibly being involved. And yes, Tiger Woods is wealthy enough that he could have 10 cars waiting for him outside any time he goes somewhere, and then he could pick the shiny red car or the silver SUV or the tour bus that he rented out and get a ride home however he wants.
The reason I felt sad, though, is just because I ache when I hear about somebody who might have addiction issues. Again, I say might—I have no idea what his drug and alcohol intake is. But if there is a chance somebody feels like I used to feel every day, my heart hurts a little bit. I definitely transition to the “get a driver, dude!” stage a little later in a case like this. But my first reaction is a pang in my gut about the suffering that someone might be going through.
—Pain is a motherfucker. During his recent arrest, Tiger Woods brought up a crazy amount of medical procedures he has had on his body over the years, and it reminded me of how pain can be a crushing force on people.
When we talk about our paths to addiction, many people talk about past trauma, and rightly so. Other people say their parents were alcoholics, and their parents’ parents were alcoholics, so it’s in their genes. But I always try to mention chronic pain as one key factor in my life—as someone who had multiple amputation procedures on his feet over the years, painkillers and other substances were actually necessary. I, of course, got out of control with them. But they were put in my world by a doctor, not at a rave by a frat guy with a pillbox in his man-purse.
And while I don’t meet a lot of fellow alcoholics and addicts who had all 10 toes amputated, I have met many sober people who have said the biggest hurdle in their recovery was when they had a back surgery or their appendix removed—unmanageable pain can be a very sneaky, dangerous trigger.
—Another question I have been asked this past week: Do you think Tiger Woods picked the right kind of treatment plan? He announced in a very vague statement that he is going overseas to get help, and I didn’t see any direct mention what kind of treatment he was actually seeking.
Long answer short: I have no idea. I’ve always had personal opinions about what works best for someone who wants to get sober, and I have no evidence whatsoever to base that on, and I am almost never right about other peoples’ recovery. It’s a strange part of longterm sobriety, where you see people come in who need rehab but don’t go… then they get sober. Or where you see people who you think are doing everything right, and they can’t make it three months without a relapse. There is no real rhyme or reason to so many peoples’ path.
That said, I made a decision when I went to rehab that I wanted to go to a place that was decent, but not too nice. I didn’t want to be horseback riding on a beach for a month, or doing yoga with baby goats at a mountain resort. I wanted something with a little grime on the chairs so that I could get help but from a place I didn’t want to come back to.
I found the perfect place in New Jersey and joined an intensive outpatient program there. In retrospect, I wish I had just checked myself into the hospital part and been locked away for a month or two. But that’s not what happened, and I have been sober since 2008 with no relapses. So even with my own recovery, I can’t say for sure. What if I had been put in that same hospital’s lockdown facility, hated it and left after four days? Maybe I’m dead right now.
So you never know, even with your own recovery! I certainly don’t know what Tiger Woods should or should not be doing. But I will leave you with this: Even with our most troubled people with addiction issues, I am rooting for them. The world is a better place without people living in active addiction.
(But yeah, maybe get a driver?)
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
“Now that I’m sober, I no longer wake up in the morning, roll over and introduce myself.”
(Credit: AA Grapevine, June 2002, Anonymous)
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