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I walked into a 12-step meeting the other day that I had never been to, and as I wandered down the steps into the basement, I couldn’t help but feel some gratitude to all the churches out there.
I have been sober since November of 2008, and I estimate that I have been to about 3,000 meetings during that time. Of those 3,000, my guess is that 2,900 have been in churches. And of those 2,900 meetings, I think I probably went into about 100 different churches in about 25 different states.
Even as I typed those numbers, I had to shake my head in disbelief. That is a lot of churches, all over the country, and I can’t recall any of those meetings being the first one ever held at the church.
Think about what that means.
It means that years ago—sometimes decades ago—a bunch of drunks went to a church and said they’d like to use their facility—probably at an off time when no church workers were there. For startup groups, there isn’t much money stored up to pay exorbitant rent, either. So I imagine that the churches that said yes were genuinely trusting and wonderful people, and that their motives were mostly to provide a valuable service to the community for the sake of providing a valuable service to the community. What a beautiful thing that is.
Now, does paying rent help? For sure. My guess is that hosting meetings might pull in a few hundred bucks a month for some churches. But I’ve never heard of it ever being enough money to really move the needle. Most rents that I know of are about $50 a month for a weekly meeting, which comes out to about $12 for an hour at a church. That’s a pretty good deal for us alcoholics and addicts, isn’t it?
Aside from the value and generosity, it’s impossible to understate how important it is that newcomers to recovery have a neutral space like a church to go to for meetings. Even people with bad feelings about religion recognize the safe, quiet spaces that churches are. If you never had been to a 12-step meeting before, and your life was on fire, and you were worried about what your neighbors and co-workers would think if they heard you had an addiction issue… where else is a better place to try to anonymously seek help? In that case, it’s not like you’d want to show up at a park, or the mall, or the back of a restaurant, or at a random person’s house, or even a school. I can’t come up with a better option.
I’ll get back to churches in a second, but I want to say a few words about recovery clubs, too. I have been to lots of good meetings at recovery clubs. I have heard some mixed opinions about recovery clubs but I don’t happen to feel the same way. I’ve heard people say they worry about the traditions of 12-step programs colliding with the concept of recovery clubs, and how renting or owning a building that services various fellowships can be closer to running a business than 12-step programs may historically have leaned toward. But I personally have had awesome experiences at recovery clubs and like the idea of one-stop shopping for literature and various different groups. I am someone who has alcohol and drug issues, and can’t really stop gambling once I start. So I have enjoyed having one building where all of those meetings happen on a regular basis.
But I would come back to churches as the GOAT for meetings. I haven’t been to church for actual religious purposes in probably 10 years; it’s just not my thing. But I have grown to cherish the ones I have been to for their generosity and forgiveness (hey, sober people are just people, so I have seen some bad behaviors over the years). I have seen lives change and miracles happen in those basements, and all it cost was about $12. What a gift.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
NOT THAT KIND OF BARFor the past three years, I've volunteered a few nights a week at our Alano Club, serving sodas and snacks behind the counter. I have met scores of AAs and their children, who often hide out with me while their parents attend meetings.
I was in the foyer of a movie theater when a boy, about 13, broke away from a group of friends and came over to say hi. He was the son of a member at the club. When he returned to his friends, I overheard one ask: "Who was the old guy you were talking to?"
"Oh, he's cool," the young man replied. "He's the bartender where my dad goes for his AA."
(Credit: Grapevine, by Brian A of Petaluma, California, October 2009)
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