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The other day, my daughter and wife were sorting laundry and they both started goofing on me for how dirty my socks were.
“Your socks are always so gross!” my 7-year-old said, holding up a pair of socks that were, indeed, extremely gross. There was a glob of Play Doh on one, a piece of Scotch tape on another, and lots of cat hair stuck to both.
Then they held up a few more pairs of my socks, and my God, they were all gross. Ketchup, dirt, cat litter, mystery stains, mystery smells… It looked like some kind of science fair experiment to see how many disgusting items you could walk through.
You’re probably wondering, What does this have to do with sobriety?
Well, I’ll tell you. The socks are a metaphor for how I cruise around the world. Even with 10-plus years of sobriety, I still plop myself down in the middle of stuff, get a little messy, then attempt to quickly scrub off the bad stuff. The truth is, even when I step directly in Play Doh, clean it off and keep moving… the Play Doh leaves a residue. It takes a lot of work to get rid of a bad stain, no matter how much you try to wash it off.
The way this plays out in my life lately has been that I will knowingly enter into arguments where I was not asked for my opinion but I offer it instead. It doesn’t matter if it is a random person talking about a sports team, my wife talking about something she wants to do, or one of my kids making a joke… I will dive right in and start firing hot takes in your direction.
I’m pretty good at arguing, too, so I often will rough you up and get the outcome I wanted. Except, is that true? How often do you beat somebody down to get what you want and that works out over a long period of time?
In my life, I’ve seen it have a pretty negative impact on the way people view you and treat you down the line. What good is badgering a loved one into something if they can’t stand you for it over the next five years?
And then there are just the pointless squabbles I will get into, like arguing with my 7-year-old. The other day, I said, “Hey, looks like it might snow tomorrow!”
And she said, “No, it’s not going to snow.”
And I said, “Uh, yes, there’s a 70 percent chance of snow.”
And she said, “Nope, not gonna snow.”
And I said, “Yes, it might snow.”
It went on like this for a few more minutes before I realized I was trying to argue something that is inarguable. What was I hoping to accomplish other than my pride’s need to be right?
Let me bring it back to my dirty socks. The thing I still convince myself of is that being a founding member of the Alcoholic/Addict Debating Society of America is pretty harmless—no big deal, I tell myself.
But the reality is that it gets me almost nothing, and it leaves a stain on my spirituality. I have this delusion that I can weave in and out of tension and just leave it behind me. But it doesn’t work that way. It leaves a big ole’ gross stain on me, just like stepping in wet cat hair leaves on my socks.
The truth is, I need the same strategy with my spiritual sobriety as I do with my socks—I need to watch what I am stepping in, try to walk around it when possible, and give it a deep scrub as soon as possible right afterward.
ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT JOKE OF THE DAY
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
How do you set up a drunk in a nice, small business? Set him up in a nice, big business, and then wait.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, July 2006, by Bobbi S. of Bellefonte, Pa.)
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