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I started therapy recently, and it’s been going really well. She’s a very good therapist and pushes me in a way that I find helpful.
The other day, she said something like, “I have some homework for you that I’d like you to start doing. It’s this thing known as a gratitude list. You write down 3-5 things you’re grateful for every day…”
I had to laugh, because if you’re in recovery, you’ve been told 4,000 times to do a gratitude list. It’s a very commonly-prescribed tool within the 12-step community, and it’s something I’ve done off and on for at least 10 years. It works. Why don’t I keep doing it? Well, it works… but it is work to compile! And who wants to do work?
I will give my therapist credit, though, because she had two very good suggestions about a better way to do a gratitude list. In the past, I would write down anything I was grateful for—my health, my kids, a good sandwich, an exciting football game on TV. One suggestion from her that I liked was to make sure I add an item or two every day about something I achieved. So, not just a good sandwich, but something that I did. For me, that’s usually walking away from an argument, or helping a new sober guy, or reacting better to criticism. It’s humbly patting myself on the back for something. I gotta say, that really helped quite a bit because most of the stuff I have put on gratitude lists in the past was stuff I didn’t really have much to do with—as in, the sandwich, a beautiful sunset, no traffic on the roads, etc. There’s something a little different when I acknowledge some kind of positive thing I am responsible for.
The second suggestion she gave me that I liked a lot was doing a gratitude list in the morning. I had always done them at the end of the day, which is kind of the tradition of recovery programs. Often times, we’re encouraged to assess our day at the end of the day, and I always did my gratitude lists the same way—you sit down at 10 pm and reflect upon everything that happened that day and what you’re grateful for.
I don’t know exactly why the morning thing is so much better. But it is. It launches me out of my bedroom every day with more optimism and gratitude than I usually do, so when I hit that first bump in the road—and there is always a bump in the road, isn’t there?—I am already feeling grateful for my life. It’s remarkable what a different mentality that is.
So overall, my gratitude list has been a very positive addition to my recovery. I’ve been trying to do five items every day. So I guess maybe I can add that to today’s gratitude list, too… one down, four more to go!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
An alcoholic was so addicted to line dancing that he had to join a two-step program.
(Credit: Grapevine, July 2009, by Terry B. of Albany, NY)
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