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I’ve met lots of sober people who mention specific dates as dreaded days because it triggers their addictions. By that, I mean, a day that makes us think, “I should get sober… but I don’t know how I would not drink on FILL IN THE BLANK.”
Some people mention specific days, like birthdays or the day a loved one died. Other people mention general time frames, like Christmas vacation or work trips. Other people mention vague events as worrisome, like weddings or work outings.
For me, the day I feared most was the Super Bowl. I knew for about the last three years of my drinking and drugging that I could not stop on my own and that I needed outside help. But I had a voice in my head telling me that I should keep going, that I will figure it out if I do this or that instead of what I was doing. And that voice always said, “And what will you do during the Super Bowl? Everybody drinks during the Super Bowl. How could you not?”
I honestly thought that. I know it sounds silly. But I do love sports, and I enjoy gathering to watch sporting events with friends and family. So in my active addiction, that was an effective thing for the rationalization part of my brain to whisper to me.
Except, it’s total b******t, and I eventually saw through that. When exactly was I enjoying some beers with buddies as I watched sporting events? Because that stopped years before. By 2005-08, I drank alone in secrecy, and I drank to the point where I didn’t even see the sporting event that I so cherished. It was a total delusion to keep the myth going that I would have days in my life where I simply couldn’t make it without drugs and alcohol. That’s really what the Super Bowl idea was doing—it’s a silly example of the broader fear that there are moments in life that are beyond my capabilities to handle, and that I could not possibly make it through without being numbed out by something.
I’m proud to say that I just wrapped up my 16th Super Bowl sober, and each one has been better than any of the ones before. I gathered with sober friends, along with my family, and we had a blast. It was rowdy and fun, and the only thing I abused was the cookie container. Somehow, four cookies and a piece of cake disappeared while in my presence. It was a great time.
It’s a good reminder about that rationalizing voice in our heads, and what a scam it is. I have now watched lots of Super Bowls sober, and made it through many difficult life situations that I would have never thought I could. And if you’re sober today, it’s probably worth thinking about those things that you never thought you’d get through… and you have.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
Heard at meetings
Topic: Would you still go to AA if a pill was created that cured alcoholism?
Speaker: "Yes, I would. I have a feeling I'd want more of them."
(Credit: Grapevine, April 2009, by A.M. of Scottsdale, Arizona)
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