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I saw a story recently from the San Francisco Chronicle with the headline “Are ‘California Sober’ nuptials the latest wedding trend?’”
The definition of “California Sober” is apparently people who smoke weed and drink alcohol in moderation. There was actually a Demi Lovato song called “California Sober” a few years ago.
Mostly it seems like it is a sobriety plan centered on weed and harm reduction. In that San Francisco Chronicle story, a lot of the couples encourage guests at their weddings to not drink and smoke weed instead.
I laughed out loud as I read it. Not because I care what other people do—have your wedding any way you want. And I certainly support harm reduction—I know people who that has worked for. You do you, and if you ultimately need to get off drugs and alcohol completely and want help, hit me up!
I laughed just because I know that I tried about 37 different versions of “California Sober” in my life. I tried “Central Pennsylvania Sober,” which was pills and Skoal. Then I tried “Queens, NY, Sober,” which was drinking on the weekends and working out at the gym every other night. Then I tried “New Jersey Sober,” which was beer and Skoal and Ambien.
Then I tried “New York City Sober,” which is…. well, it was just getting s**t-faced any which way you can and then trying to sleep it off.
None of them worked. It turns out, I can’t drink or do drugs in any way, in any place. So I guess I should have been trying more for the “Entire Planet Earth Sober,” where I don’t do any kind of mood-altering substances whatsoever.
I certainly tried the strict definition of “California Sober.” I tried weed for awhile. But pretty soon I was smoking weed and taking pills and drinking alcohol and I was not sober in any geographical location on the planet.
I will admit, in the past few years, as marijuana legalization has swept the nation, I have occasionally wondered if maybe I could just smoke some weed sometimes. I know people that use it sometimes for chronic pain and it helps. I know people who just it on the weekends to unwind. I know people who use it every day to help with anxiety or other health issues.
The problem is, I can’t do that. So that thought usually comes into my brain and pulls up a chair and puts its feet up, but after a few minutes of hanging out with that thought, I remember how it always turned out, and I ask that thought to please get the f**k out of of my head.
One saying I really like is “Play the tape all the way through,” which means when those kinds of things pop into your brain, it’s always helpful to reach back into the archive and think of similar instances from earlier in life. Usually, if you rewind and play the tape through, you’ll see what a disaster some of these scenarios our addict brains float already happened—and they didn’t turn out well.
I moved to Connecticut in 2011 with three years sober, and I have not used alcohol or drugs ever since. So I might visit California or New Jersey but I am going to stick with “Connecticut Sober” for as long as I can!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
During one of my drunken geographics, my 8-year-old son became concerned when he learned that my wife and I would be driving two separate cars to our new town, several states away.
Anxiously, he asked me, "How will we keep from getting separated?"
"We'll drive slowly, so that one car can follow the other."
Not reassured, he persisted, "Yeah, but what if we do get separated?"
Becoming impatient, I said, "Well, then I guess we'll never see each other again."
"Okay," he said. "I'm riding with Mom."
(Credit: AA Grapevine, by Richard M. of Golden, Colorado, January 2007)
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