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I went to a speaker meeting right when I first got sober, and the guy was an absolute wild man. It was one of the first speaker meetings I ever went to, and this was the first time I heard someone who was raw and unpolished and not trying to exude serenity. He had a remarkable story of recovery, but he wasn’t interested in cleaning up his story to sound all grown up. He was sober and had a strong program. But he talked about some of the dumb things he’s done in sobriety, which I certainly identify with, and he also talked a lot about how the party doesn’t end when you get sober.
My life is pretty great these days. But I go to bed and get up at pretty much the same time every day. I eat mostly the same things every week. I drive the same loop of places. I have the same job, the same car, the same family. I go to 5-7 meetings a week. No drinking. No drugging. No insanity. It can start to feel a little safe and boring.
It’s not actually boring, of course. I’ve never laughed more. I’ve never been more in tune with my wife and kids. I have more sobriety now than I ever have had. I pay my bills on time, so my electricity isn’t shut off and my cars aren’t repossessed. But there is a voice in my head that still whispers, “Man, I should do something bad and exciting. Life is getting a little too predictable right now.”
That’s a delusion. It’s not true at all. But it’s maybe the thing my addiction pushes on the hardest and I need to realize and re-realize my vulnerability on that point. The best way to realize that on a regular basis? Hear from people who are partying in life more than ever in sobriety. The speaker I mentioned earlier was going to concerts, flailing around in mosh pits, flying all over the world, dating lots of people … some of that is not for me, and I didn’t find all of it to be particularly spiritual. But it worked for him, and he did such a good job explaining why hurting his hand jumping around sober in mosh pits might sound idiotic… but that he’d rather be doing that than fighting security at a concert and then not be able to find his car as he projectile-vomited in the parking lot from drinking too much.
I love that in sobriety, we’re all here because we’re not all there. I used to think I would have to stop having fun, shut up and become a monk. Not true. I’ve gravitated toward a bunch of screwballs and renegades and I love it.
The moral of the story: Sobriety is a party. There’s no jello shots or keg stands. But I can still be a wild man. A spiritual wild man.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
"I woke up one morning and realized that I had a great future behind me."
(Credit: AA Grapevine, January 2005, by Anonymous)
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