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I stumbled upon something the other day that I had never heard before despite being sober since 2008: In the famous section of 12-step programs known as “The Promises,” there are apparently 12 promises. I’m not sure if the founders intended for that, but my guess is, it’s a beautiful coincidence.
Either way, I found it cool… and it gave me a chance to look at them individually and examine how true they’ve been for me. I always say they’ve come true for me, but I never took them one at a time and deeply contemplated them. It was a pretty fun exercise, so maybe listen and tally up your own results as I go through them.
So here goes:
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
So true. I got done with my first step, and I already had begun to feel an incredible sense of acceptance about who I am and what I want to be. It felt like the biggest mystery of my life had been solved—I’d gotten familiar with the problem and the solution.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Again, this came true for me. I’d never felt so free and happy as I have since I got sober.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
This one is mostly true for me, but it’s also been a slippery one to get my arms around. It’s pretty easy to swing too far the other way and try to forget the pain I caused. Think about the last thing you did that you were truly apologetic about. Did you not regret it but also not shut the door on it? If so, good for you. It’s hard to find that perfect landing spot. I’d give myself a 75 percent on this one.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
Haha, well, this is an interesting one. I comprehend the word serenity and I know peace. Do I practice them? Uh, it depends on the day. Actually, it depends on the hour. This is one of those recovery things that I think about, I understand, I love… and yet it is not easy. I’m going to give myself another 75 percent on this one.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
Love this one. Totally true. I do think my experience can benefit others, and it’s perhaps the most valuable promise because I get so much return on investment from this.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
I have absolutely found that this promise came true… and then it became not true… and then true again. Of all the promises, this might be the one that’s the most fleeting. Those feelings disappear, then come back, then disappear again.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
I’ll give myself two-thirds credit here. I’ve gained a lot of interest in my fellows, for sure. But I’ve only lost SOME interest in selfish things. I still think about myself, what I want, and what I need, on an hourly basis.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
Um, sure? It slips away but then I usually pick it up again.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
This might contradict some of the things I already said earlier, but on a big-picture scale, my whole attitude and outlook have changed. There are still remnants of some shitty stuff that sneak back into the picture. But I haven’t lose focus of the grand scheme of things since 2008.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
Hmm, I think I’ll go with an 80 percent on this one. It’s gotten much, much better, but I’d say I still feel those things almost every single day. It’s just not debilitating any more.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
Yeah, I can see this. I definitely have watched as my instincts get better and better, but I am still kind of George Costanza in a lot of moments every day—where my first thought is the opposite of what I should do.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
I’m spotty on this one, too. I definitely realize that relying upon a higher power is better for me than being a higher power myself. Do I actually do that every day? Nope, not even close. I’ll give myself a 90 percent on this one.
So that is the 12 promises. The end of the promises is:
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
That last line is crucial. I 100 percent believe that and have seen that—they materialize if I work for them. I believe in the 12 promises. I have seen all 12 promises come true. I’ve also apparently seen about 1.63 promises become untrue then, though. According to my math, I got a 10.37 out of the 12 promises, which is around 86 percent.
86 percent? I’ve been a solid B student who tries for As on pretty much everything in my life up to this point. So I will take it!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
Tolerance is based on courtesy, respect and… a sneaking suspicion that the other person may be right.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, June 1993)
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