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When I had about three years sober, I remember getting into a knockdown, drag-out argument with a co-worker about how good a movie was. I remember thinking the movie was great, and he said it sucked. The argument started out as just a fun conversation about a movie, which I think is pretty harmless. I actually enjoy hearing people discuss and argue about movies, TV, music, even sports.
But this got out of hand. I ended up insulting the guy, and I think he took a few swipes at me, too. I walked away from his desk in a huff. I really was pissed and wanted to continue the argument. I wanted the full Siskel and Ebert debate right there in a workplace that has nothing to do with movie reviews.
Luckily I called a sober friend and he got a good laugh out of it. He made the case that when I am at my highest level of soberness and spirituality, I probably don’t get into an argument like that. I probably chuckle and walk away 10 seconds after hearing the other guy’s opinion.
He also became the first person to challenge me to only offer opinions when asked for them, and to keep track of how often that happens. Turns out, if you pay attention to the amount of times people directly ask you to weigh in with your opinion… it is way, way lower than you probably think. In fact, I bet there are entire days where no one asks your opinion on anything.
That argument about a movie flashed through my head recently because I got into an argument with one of my kids about going to a sporting event. The game was supposed to start at 7, but we were going to meet some friends at 6 and hang out. My daughter suggested that she would come and hang out, then leave and pick up a friend, then come back to the game.
I said that that wasn’t the most brilliant plan, that driving out of a packed sporting event while everybody else is driving in won’t go well. She’s 17 and didn’t give two s***s about what I had to say. She blew me off and said to just let her go for it, that she has a license and her own car, and she can deal with it if it ends up being a bad decision.
Should have been over at that point, right? Let the kid make her own mistake!
Nope. I couldn’t let it go. I started telling her how many sporting events I had been to, and how much of an expert I am. She didn’t really listen. She didn’t ask my opinion. She ended up leaving before the game and returning halfway through, and it was fine. I had been wrong.
But the lesson for me isn’t whether I ended up being right or wrong about the merits of anything. Even if I had been right… it would have been wrong to bicker with a teenager about something silly like that. Why would I burn up spiritual energy about a movie or how to drive out of a crowded parking lot? Who gives a s**t?
I find that I have only so much spiritual capital in my account every day, and I cannot burn it being Siskel or Ebert or a sporting event parking lot expert. Maybe I’ll finally learn that some day.
Key word: maybe.
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
A group of us AA members gathered in a small conference room on the first day of an Alaskan cruise for a "Friends of Bill W." meeting. A gentleman stood outside the door, keeping his eye on us.
Those inside had exchanged first names and had shaken hands—a sure sign we knew why we were there. When we asked the gentleman at the door if he would like to join us, he looked at us rather suspiciously and said, "I don't know. My name is Bill Wilson, and I would like to know who my friends are."
(Credit: AA Grapevine, by Conrad B., February 2005)
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