If you want to subscribe to LOL Sober, hit the purple button below. I’m mostly publishing free pieces right now, but paid subscribers do have access to monthly premium pieces—such as THIS comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes!
I read a really interesting article recently in Mel Magazine, about a study done on people who are bullshitters. It’s a complex story that digs into how propaganda and disinformation spreads, and who spreads it. (Here is the LINK)
But there were a few specific parts that jumped out to me as a recovering addict and alcoholic who is prone to an occasional thunderstorm of b**********g.
One is that the study concludes that the biggest bullshitters in the world are in the United States. Yes! No. 1 again! U-S-A!
The second is that in the fine print of the study, the researchers come right out and say that this study might not have been able to catch expert-level bullshitters—that the real professional liars probably slipped through the cracks.
I won’t lie. I immediately was thinking, “I bet I am so good at lying that I could have fooled this study.” Then I realized that it not something to brag about.
And the biggest thing that stood out to me is that the study concludes that bullshitters are, in fact, quite susceptible to b******t themselves. I believe that is probably true in general, but within the alcoholic/addict community, I feel like we have a pretty good radar for when people are full of s**t and also have a willingness to let people know they’re full of s**t. I’ve found that to be very helpful—I want people around me who are loving but will not let me get away with shenanigans.
But let me add one big, very important caveat to that: I actually think I am very, very good at b**********g myself, then believing my own b******t. It definitely happened when I was in active addiction. I did it all day, every day, just to keep the lie alive that I could manage a life that included drugs and alcohol.
I’d love to say that once I got sober, I started having a better personal lie detector. But I don’t. On a weekly basis, I convince myself of things that aren’t entirely true or sometimes not true at all. The most frequent thing that happens is, I have a passing thought that someone did something a*****e-y, then the b******t machine goes to work and builds that one passing thought into a story.
I’ll give you a specific recent example.
I was at the grocery store a few weeks ago, and a guy pushed his cart to the car, loaded his groceries, then just carefully docked the cart in the middle of the parking lot. He was 20 feet from the cart return. He spent so much time lining up the cart jussssssssst right that he could have just put the freaking thing back.
I’m watching this and getting aggravated. Yes, I am one of those people who thinks you can tell a lot about people who don’t return their carts.
So I am watching this guy and thinking, “What a selfish prick. What happens if the wind starts blowing that cart and it smashes into somebody’s car? Or plows into an old lady walking across the parking lot? Even if it doesn’t, that’s essentially littering! That’s leaving something behind for someone else to clean up!”
As I sat there, I got myself all worked up. I think within 10 seconds I had gotten to the point where I was seriously thinking about knocking on this guy’s car window. I had seen something that I decided was a*****e-ish, figured out that the guy must be an a*****e, and that I was the a*****e corrector who was going to go teach a lesson.
I got out of the car and decided to let it go… then I watched him hop out of his car and come get the cart and return it. Maybe he was warming up his car. Maybe he anted to put something in the front seat before returning the cart. Either way, it was yet another reminder to be careful of the stories we whip up.
Here’s the thing. I’ve been sober for over a decade. I know exactly what a lie is. When I tell one or am thinking of telling one, I have a part of me that starts waving a stop sign. But there’s a reason in court they say the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You can tell the truth—and throw in some b******t then, too. I got a 1200-something on my SATs, but I’ve noticed my score seems to have gone up about 10 points a year for awhile and is now at 1290. I know I didn’t get a 1290 but my score did have a 12 at the beginning, so what’s the harm in letting it accumulate a little interest over the years?
That’s not a good way for me to be seeing things. I know too much about the slippery slope of being my own editor-in-chief. One teeny tiny fib can become three small lies, which can become one big lie… and on and on. I can’t let my own b******t get past my own b******t goalie. You guys have taught me too much in recovery to let that happen. I know the difference and need to apply that at all times.
Plus… did I mention I got like a 1350 on my SATs?
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
“I don’t know about blackouts, but I had many involuntary naps.”
(Credit: AA Grapevine, October 2007, by Bud T. of Santa Clara, California)
Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com.
