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I stumbled upon a recent study from the National Institute of Aging where researchers concluded that prolonged isolation has the same health implications as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Wow, lots to unpack with that (check out the link here).
First of all, I have smoked 15 cigarettes a day for extended periods of time in my life. I also have had prolonged isolation for extended periods in my life. I think I may have had some periods where I was in prolonged isolation and smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Lemme tell you, none of those times was particularly pleasant.
In all seriousness, I do see the connection between loneliness and overall health. I’m not going to pick apart the science of the study or the organization that did the study—as a middle-aged guy who takes naps and somehow wakes up injured some days, I don’t want to think about aging any more than I have to. I accept the basic conclusion, though, that loneliness is a significant health risk factor.
I am including this on a sober newsletter for what I think are obvious reasons—loneliness and isolation seem to go hand in hand with addiction. They certainly are siblings in my life. In my worst moments of life, both in active addiction and sobriety, I was usually lonely. In my best moments, I was usually not lonely—I was connected.
The second big thing is how loneliness is defined in the accompanying article. I always struggle with spotting the difference between solitude and loneliness. Solitude can be a beautiful thing—it means you have peaceful alone time but you are still connected. Loneliness can be by yourself, for sure, but you can also be lonely in crowds of people. Solitude is good for me, and loneliness is bad—like, 15 Marlboro Reds bad. I can’t let myself drift into loneliness.
The study also shone a light on the uptick in loneliness that people have felt during COVID and also after. The new norm of working from home, Zoom meetings, reduced travel, etc. is a nightmare for some people, including me. And when I say nightmare, I mean that it is bad for us… but we do it anyway because loneliness and isolation is a default setting, something that the addiction part of our brain wants.
Hope you all found that interesting and perhaps thought-provoking. It certainly kicked up some dust in my brain, and it specifically reminded me of a funny story I’ve told on this newsletter before.
For a few years in the mid-2010s—probably like 2014-18—my wife would pack up the kids and drive down to the Carolinas to visit her family. She always did it around my busiest work time during the summer, and she seemed to really like the adventure of an all-girls mom-daughters bonding trip. So she enjoyed the idea of me staying home.
And so did I. Too much, in fact. I remember warming up her van once on the day she was leaving and she was like, “Uh, it’s July and it’s 89 degrees outside. I’m not sure the car needs to be warmed up?”
For the first year or two, I waved goodbye and ran inside and did a little dance. This was going to be awesome! I always had a list of TV shows and meals and other activities that I was going to do in their absence, just me, living my best life for a week.
That never happened, though. I went inside, started eating shitty food, watching shitty TV, slacking on work stuff, NOT going to the gym, skipping all those meetings I had been excited to attend. By Day Three, I found myself calling sober buddies while I laid on the couch in my underwear, with Cool Ranch Doritos stuck in my chest hair.
I had been excited about the idea of solitude, but then created loneliness instead. It was so stupid… and I did that exact thing one year later! Maybe this time will be different, I thought. Uh, no. It wasn’t.
I learned my lesson, though. For the past two or three times she left, I immediately found a meeting or two and made a few phone calls. Then I went home and ate a few more Doritos than I probably should have. But they were solitude Doritos, not lonely Doritos!
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
On New Year’s Eve, Judy stood up at the local pub and told a crowd of alcoholics that it was time to get ready.
“At the stroke of midnight,” he said, “I want everybody to be standing next to the one person who has made your life worth living.
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, March 2000, Dave S.)
Please spread the word to a sober friend! Find me on Substack… or Twitter… or Facebook… or Instagram… or YouTube. And introducing my web site, LOLsober.com.
