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When I was in sixth grade, the entire class of kids—about 200—all got herded down to the gym for an all-day session. We all had to sit on the floor and listen to about six hours of speakers tell us about the terrible dangers of the world: Drugs, alcohol, smoking, sex.
One after the other, adults got up in front of us and basically scared the s**t out of us. They put up pictures of cancerous lungs, livers of alcoholics and terrifying statistics about premarital sex. I remember they even had some cops show up to chime in on the dangers of drinking and driving and using drugs.
If the goal was just to put the fear of God into us about all of those things, mission accomplished. I remember grabbing two good friends afterward and making a pact that we could NEVER drink and do drugs. I remember specifically saying, “And that sex stuff? It sounds disgusting!”
So I left that day thinking I would steer clear of drugs and alcohol forever, and so would my two good friends. Well, I think you know how that turned out. I ran into those two guys not too long ago, and it turns out, all three of us have been to rehab.
I’m telling you this anecdote because I got an email from my kids’ school principal the other day about how they’re seeing an uptick of drug use among kids, specifically opioids. The email had a list of tips about drug education, and it mentioned two things. One was talking to your kids about it and not relying on the hope that someone else does. The second was when talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol, make sure you do it in small doses, over an extended period of time. It recommended short conversations, rather than an infrequent lengthy sit-down to discuss.
I had to laugh comparing that recommendation with my own marathon session from sixth grade. Did that actually matter in the grand scheme of things? Nah. I think the length of the conversations about the dangers of drugs and alcohol wasn’t the problem—I think the problem was me. I think I was born an addict. And even if I wasn’t, I’m not sure launching a full investigation and figuring out the perfect duration of drug and alcohol conversations with a younger person of me wouldn’t really help me stay sober going forward, anyway.
I’ll say this about recovery from drugs and alcohol, too: As I tried to get sober and stay sober, I’ve definitely had both lengthy education sessions and short, sustained conversations.
In my recovery, I think it has been more beneficial when I am working steadily, in short doses, on sobriety, rather than all-day skull sessions. Those have been good for me, too, but I tend to gravitate more toward sustained bite-sized sobriety. I find that that helps me turn it into a habit, more so than binging on sobriety.
So with my kids, I am going to jump in and out of those conversations. I think it will help remind them that I care and keep an open dialogue going. And if that doesn’t seem to be working, I’ll have to look up those old state troopers from my elementary school to see if they’ll come up and show them some pictures of rotting livers and lungs and scare the s**t out of them and see how that goes!
I’m kidding. (I think.)
In case you missed it, I put together a fun mini comedy special about my 10 favorite addiction/sobriety jokes. Check it out HERE! (It’s behind a paywall)
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
"We're invited to a cocktail party," a wife informed her husband.
"But I've been dry for three whole months!" he exclaimed.
"That's probably why we're invited," she said.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, May 2005, from Anonymous in Wichita, Kansas)
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