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This newsletter is mostly about recovery. But once in a while, I’m going to tell you a funny story from my drunken days. They always help me remember to not take myself too damn seriously, and also how ugly the bottom was.
So here goes:
When my wife and I got married many years ago, we decided to go to Las Vegas for our honeymoon. It was cheap and neither one of us had traveled very much in our lives, so why not?
Within an hour of getting to our hotel, the MGM Grand, my wife had food poisoning. She basically told me, “Drop your stuff off and get the f— out of the hotel for like two days because I feel horrible.”
So I did. At that point, I wasn’t full-blown alcoholic/drug addict but I was at about the 40-yard- line. The start to my honeymoon did not help.
I had no supervision and all of my wedding money in my pockets, and I was loose on the floor of a casino for the first time in my life. There were free drinks and you could gamble and smoke indoors. What?!?!
For 48 hours, I was basically drinking, gambling and smoking the entire time. I ended up wandering around the casino when I got too drunk at the tables and needed to wake up a bit. And I kept winding up in the same spot—in front of the MGM lion habitat.
They had two lions in a big glass case in the middle of the casino, like a zoo exhibit. It was pretty cool, but not as cool as it felt to a young, drunk me on my honeymoon back then. I kept going back and staring at the lions, for hours. I still remember the main handler who ran the habitat because he was totally weirded out by me.
The first time I stumbled upon the lion habitat, I stood there long enough that the handler dude came out and introduced himself. I must have been staring through the glass long enough that he thought, “What is this guy’s deal?” and he came out to investigate.
So he came out and we talked for a little while. It was a nice conversation. We introduced ourselves, he congratulated me on my wedding and I asked a lot of questions about the lions. But I’ll never forget that on multiple occasions, my drunken brain led me to interrupt him and say, “Mannnnnnn, look at those freaking lions. Just living in a casino. Unbelievable!”
The first time, he smiled and nodded. By the third time, I could see in his eyes he had realized he was dealing a drunken dope. I eventually left and went back to gambling and drinking and smoking and taking painkillers.
But then I wandered back again, and the same guy eventually came out and asked me how my day was going. I realized then that it was the NEXT day, that I had been up for basically an entire day. The conversation must have been especially bad because I remember saying, “Damn, man, there’s just, like, two lions, right there. In the middle of a casino, just living their lives for the whole world to see.”
He looked at me and said, “Um, are you okay? Do you want to maybe take a breather in your room for a few hours?”
He was right, so I went up and crashed. I must have slept for 12 hours. When I woke up, my wife felt better and we did a bunch of fun stuff and enjoyed our honeymoon. We went to some shows, had some nice dinners, walked the Strip.
I remember on our last day there she said, “Hey, did you know the MGM Grand has a lion habitat downstairs? Did you see that?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh yeah, I cruised past there once or twice. Not much to see, though. We can probably skip that one.”
ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT JOKE OF THE DAY
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
A swerving, weaving car was pulled over by a police officer. The cop got out of his car and approached the driver's side. He motioned to the driver to roll down the window and asked,
"Do you have any ID?"
The baffled drunk replied, "About what?"
(Credit: AA Grapevine, October of 2004, from Donald S.)
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