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On Monday, large chunks of the social media landscape crashed and everybody was talking about it. There have been quite a few headlines recently about social media, its impact on people, disinformation, and so on already, so a large crash was bound to generate lots of conversation and plenty of headlines.
It was also an opportunity for me to be grateful about my own lack of social media use. I’m on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram—twice, actually. I have one under my real name, and I use Facebook especially to promote comedy events because it’s quite effective in selling tickets. I also have accounts for Nelson H. on all of these platforms to promote my sober newsletter. So I am plugged in.
But I also try to NOT be plugged in. About 10 years ago, I first got on social media and I liked it. I liked it too much. I found myself really getting wrapped up in how many likes and retweets and replies I got in a way that reminded me immediately that I am an addict. My addictive personality never limited itself to drugs and alcohol, before or after I got sober. For me, if something is good, then five of that thing must be better.
It shows up in my life on a regular basis in two places. One is the online world—it can be very addictive to have 29 people retweet something or like something on Instagram. And if 29, why not 30? How do I get to 30? I NEED 30!
The other place it pops up is food. I am the kind of person who finishes a reasonable dinner and then heads for the cookie cupboard. Then I pull out two cookies and I think about how two won’t be enough. I grab a third, and then I think about four and five. Pretty soon, I have six cookies in my hand and I have eaten them before I’ve actually eaten them. Then I eat them all and feel like I ate too many, that I should have just had four, that I need to do better. It’s the same vicious cycle that I used to go through to plan, get and consume booze and drugs.
Luckily I was able to spot early on that social media isn’t a good place for me to hang out. And let me say very clearly, that is just for me. That is just a personal decision that works for me. Many people love social media and get lots out of it, and that’s fantastic. It just doesn’t work for me when it’s an outsized part of my life.
One thing I specifically don’t miss is getting in fights online with people. Man, I used to love that, especially with people I didn’t know. I remember thinking there were no repercussions to just taking apart some random guy about a political issue or fantasy baseball or anything, really. I thought it was just harmless verbal bickering.
But it wasn’t harmless, because I know it harmed ME. I would find that winning an argument on Twitter about a sports team or a political issue was incredibly hollow for me. It didn’t improve my spiritual condition. In fact, I felt like it drained my spirituality right out of me.
I also found that I wasn’t able to shut it off. If I am judgmental and argumentative and obsessed on a computer, I found that I start to do that in real life, too. It was hard to flip that switch on and off. I have found in real life, I can’t be that guy who’s lobbing out opinions and bickering with neighbors or parents of my kids’ friends or co-workers. I just can’t do it. It doesn’t work for me.
So Monday was kind of nice. Even though I don’t do a lot of social media, I do some. I might not argue with people myself but I still listen in on some wild yelling between people. To know that was unavailable on Monday was kind of nice. I bought a yoga mat and meditated and walked near a waterfall… just kidding, I watched TV instead. But hey, I only ate three cookies that day. Progress not perfection, right?
ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT JOKE OF THE DAY
This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:
Two drinking buddies meet on the street one morning.
"Had breakfast, yet?" one inquires.
"Nope, not a single drop!" replies the other.
(Credit: AA Grapevine, June of 2004, Joerg H. from Oberhausen)
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