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I have an issue in my life right now that has been going on for over a year now, and it’s really spiritually draining.
Part of the reason it’s been spiritually draining is because I am allowing it to be. I could not let go. I would not let go. And I did not let it go. Deep down, I didn’t want to let it go.
I kept telling myself, “I’ll figure it out. If I gameplan this enough, I can get what I want.”
That’s why I have been thinking a lot about the idea of “Let go and let God” and “Let go or get dragged.” I just got dragged for a year before I finally let go.
It reminds me of when I was a kid living out in the woods. My family had lots of animals—rabbits, horses, goats, sheep—and I was in charge of our goat, Nanny. (That’s quite the creative name for a goat, isn’t it?)
Let’s just say Nanny did not miss many meals. So she was a big goat, and I was a skinny 10-year-old who weighed about the same as Nanny. When Nanny got out, I would approach her with great trepidation. Sometimes she’d just walk behind me and go back in her pen. Other times, she wasn’t ready to have her parole revoked, so she would either come at me or run away.
I’d have to catch up to her and then grab her by the collar and try to put her back in. I loved her, so it was never rough or anything. I’d finally get ahold of her collar and then… that freaking goat would drag me all over the yard like I was water skiing behind her. I’d hang on and just eat turf for 10 minutes. I can distinctly remember my waist line would be this weird dark shade of green from grass burns, and the top of my pants would be stuffed with the lawn.
I’d hang on and eventually she’d tire out. I’d scrape myself off the ground and walk her back to her pen, close the door and go put on clean pants.
That came to mind because unfortunately, that’s what it takes sometimes for me to get tired of hanging on so tight to things—I need to be flat-out dragged around the neighborhood a few times.
And that’s what happened recently during the situation I described earlier. I know enough to share with sober friends when something is puncturing my spiritual tires. Somebody told me to pray like crazy and make sure I keep an ear out for God to respond—to make sure it was a two-way conversation, not just me asking for something.
I gotta say, it worked. I don’t have it completely resolved yet—not much has actually changed, if I’m really looking at it honestly.
But my spiritual condition changed, and that can be critical. At the end of the day, the only thing I can truly change is me. I certainly could have gotten to the point where I didn’t get dragged around so bad, for so long, but I’ll take what I have been feeling recently as a gift and a learning experience.
And hey, it’s kind of awesome that I didn’t need an angry goat to drag me around town this time!
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